by leavingwt 35 Replies latest jw friends
I hear you LWT.
For myself, I abandoned a great majority of my friends within the borg. I saw it as making their work easy for them since they weren't real friends anyway.
However, there is one that I keep in contact with for right now, although our friendship is starting to fade. It is a heavy price to pay, but for my mental and emotional freedom, I am willing to make such payment.
My "friends"? Nothing. I would walk away from them in a heartbeat. I love them but owe them nothing.
Family is a different matter.
What about family? That one's tougher...and harder to deal with. Even there, they may be a point when we have to make a decision in order to be at peace with ourselves. But that's up to each person and their particular set of circumstances.
Thats what I'm struggling with now. I've got both of my Folks, and two siblings who have families all in the Truth. My mother is a 2nd generation JW, 2nd generation Pioneer, and her mother, my Grandmother is a old school die hard JW and still pioneering in her early 90s and not fudging her hours. I'm independent, but it would kill my folks and siblings, if I leave. The bad part is, me staying, is killing me. I'd just like to die some days. Just step off of the planet and yell, "Adios!"
As far as the conditional friends are concerned, AKA "The Friends", any more I spend only the bare minimum of time with them. After meetings, if I don't have to clean or sit in another meeting, or if someone doesnt need to talk with me about something...I leave pretty much immediately. Often I'm tired from work anyway and want some quiet time. I'm kind of an odd man out due to my age. Other guys in the Hall are married and older, and the younger guys in there are too young for me to relate to all that well. When I talk with the "older friends", I feel my brain slowing down to the point it hurts my head and my chest. Its like being at McDonalds to get breakfast to go, and your running late for work, and you picked the register with the special person taking orders. It can be hard talking with older people sometimes. There's a couple Elders who I'm not that fond of. They purchase their parts on Circuit Assemblies. Litterally purchase those parts by taking the CO/DO out to eat, giving them gifts, etc.. These are cowardly, gutless men who when they shake my hand, I have this urge to just dot their eye. Then there are other friends who just use you. They need a ride here, or there. They need help moving, but they have extended family, yet they call you cuz "your nice." These type of friends, when you see their name pop up on your cell phone, you cringe, or think of a four letter word that begins with the letter "S". This religion man, it just............words don't describe some days.
I have to agree with Mickey Mouse's post. I love my conditional friends but I can walk away from them. I hope the time never comes that I officially have to do that. I would prefer that we part because one of us moves from the area. That is much more pleasant and it leaves the lines of communication open.
I also agree with Leaving WT that everybody cannot just DA themselves because of business ties and family. I seem to remember that there were very long threads on this forum a couple of years ago on the advantages of Fading versus Disassociation and some people got judgmental towards those who could not or did not DA. This attitude is wrong. Everybody has to do what is right for them and not feel they should play by the rules of a deceptive religion.
miseryloveselders - Loved your post. Thanks for sharing. Seemed like reading it was recounting alot of my life from years ago and I'm sure many would agree.
This religion man, it just............words don't describe some days.
Couldn't have said it any better. Anyone who has never been a Witness can never fully appreciate what it's like. Even the stories don't do justice to all the subtle things you go through, the shades of meaning behind everyone's actions and words, the paranoia and superstitions about demons, spirits, apostates, disfellowshipped people (the list goes on), the guilt trips, and the hard work we all put forth seemingly for nothing at times. Words truly can't convey the full import and impact to the people who live it.
I'm kind of an odd man out due to my age. Other guys in the Hall are married and older, and the younger guys in there are too young for me to relate to all that well.
I was in this position in my hall growing up as well. What was worse is that growing up in my old congregation there were pleanty of kids my age, but I was the only male. So you can guess who I couldn't spend any time with even though they were right there and all hung out with each other. And of course, you can't have friends in school, or anywhere else. Needless to say I was socially awkward well into my twenties. It's sad really...
Then there are other friends who just use you. They need a ride here, or there. They need help moving, ...
I think we've all had a few of these in our lives at some point or another.
Once again, thanks for sharing. I know it's not easy with your family situation complicating matters for you. My brief advice is to do what you think is right for you, and what you think you can handle. If you really want to leave, I hope you find the courage to do so. If you want to stay because of your family there are those around who might label you "coward", but I certainly am not one of them. The life you are leading is a very difficult road. I only wonder how long you can hang on to doing that before your strength gives out, or something happens that just pushes you over the edge so that you just can't take it anymore. Either way, you my empathy and my respect.
A Conditional Friend considers you Expendable..
At some point it is to their advantage,to dispose of you..
For thier personal benifit.
A Conditional Friend views you as,Goods for Trade..
When the time is right..
A Conditional Friend is worth..
Whatever price,they sell you for..
...................... ...OUTLAW
It was very hurtful to hear the many unkind things some of them said about me (through my secret contacts on the inside).
Nice Outlaw! So true...
A Conditional Friend is worth..Whatever price,they sell you for..
Thirty pieces of silver perhaps?
I think you answered the question you posed, in your question. A conditional friend is an oxymoron, if a " friendship" is conditional it is a business relationship really, with terms and conditions.
I like many here have faded, and upon beginning my planned exit, I knew that most if not all JW'S' would not wish to associate with me, that was fine by me; I made the decision to join, and the decision to leave, I did not want to lose the friendship of my JW daughter, so I faded.
I am very fortunate that since leaving, I have formed friendships with 5 lovely people, who are friends in the all senses.
David
