Hey everyone! Sorry it took me awhile to follow-up, but the PAIN was more then I bargained for!!! In case some don't recall what was going on and what my original issue was, here is the thread I started last week pre-surgery:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188970/1/URGENT-Advice-Needed
Well, I am officially post-op, and a LOT went down last week...still am unable to make sense of it all. FIrst off, THANK YOU again to everyone for the well wishes. I am at home and recouperating slowly but progressively - so I have nothing to complain about.
BUT hold onto your seats y'all, cause this story got GOOD there for a minute!!!! -hahahaha. My folks showed up at the hospital right before surgery, but I refused to see them...I just wanted to spend those few hours of prep with my bf and a close friend of mine. I DID fill out and sign a DOA (Health Care Agent) form where I laid out my wishes and my agents...parents being the LAST of 3 different 'agents' for me. Anyhow, let me also mention that this hospital visit was my parents 1st time MEETING my bf and also seeing my good friend (who is currently still a JW but inactive). Anyhow 3.5hrs later and I'm in my hospital room, wake up, and there are a bunch of my friends AND my parents. I was caught off guard because I didn't expect to see that many people there, but I was grateful that they all showed up to support me. These same friends came back everyday and brought gifts (2 of which are active JWs) and I thought that was just the biggest slap in my parents face...to see that despite me NOT being a JW, I still have a 'life' and am not some lonely pathetic girl they assumed I would be after leaving the org. My bf was at my side all 3 days I was in the hospital...bringing me whatever I asked for, and sitting there for hours - even while I slept! This main is a SAINT!!!!!!! Either way, let me break down both parents during this time period:
Dad: he and mom would take 'shifts' of sitting with me. He would sit for a few hours, then she would come in and sit for hours. BUT dad did NOT have any 'conversation' with me at all!!! Yes - I'm saying we would sit in silence. He would crack a few jokes to whomever came to visit me, but to ME...not much to say. Although I do give him credit, he would help me in and out of bed, he would take me for walks in the hallway, and he brought me flowers...so in the sense I can 'thank' him. But the 3rd day, my dad finally speaks up and tells me he wants to talk to me (mind you, he has met my bf and had conversations with him IN the room with me). He tells me that I am more then welcomed to move home while I recover for as long as I need, but my 'entourage' (all my friends) are NOT permitted to visit me...although he will consider the female friends to come over once in awhile, but my bf (whom he named specifically) is NOT allowed in his home at all because we are 'dating' and he cannot have that. All I did was thank him for the offer, but had every intention of going home with my bf (who had already set up a nice 'medical room' for me at his house because he watned me to come back with HIM to take care of me). Needless to say, dad was NOT happy about it, but didn't say anything negative at all. During my stay, his bros/sis (my aunts/uncles) would call to see how I was doing - my father would intercede these calls and tell them NOT to come visit, that I was 'alright' and that he would have me call them back when I was better....there is a REASON he did that, which I will get into later.
Mom: she REALLY surprised me! She talked to me more and played 'catch-up' over the last 6 mos (we haven't talked since Sept). She asked about my love life, how I've been, what I've been doing, and she asked 1001 questions about me and my bf...not evasive questions either - genuine 'interest' questions (how did you meet, where was your first date, is he a good kisser,e tc) - all normal mother/daughter stuff! Now add tihs up over the 3 days where mom is asking me questions and conversing about my relationship AND she is also asking bf questions and getting to know him, and by the last day it was just she and I in the room and I was feeling a little better and more talkative. So mom proceeds to say this out of the blue: "I can tell that (bf) loves you - you can see on his face! You make him laugh and he makes you laugh...and it's SO obvious that he cares about you. I mean, he rearranged his livingroom for you to be able to come in and be cared for!! If you guys love each other, and have good conversation, and he makes you happy - then I'm happy FOR you. You DO know you're father will not give you away if you marry him though, right? So if that doesn't matter to you, then go elope! Save your money, don't have a big wedding...run off to the beach and get married with those closest around you. Ok? Don't break this man's heart - he is REALLY a good guy." She blew my mind and made me CRY. We both were crying actually because I would've never expected to hear that from HER...the die-hard JW. But anyways, then convo then turned to her last words: "I love you and I raelly like (bf) and would like to get to know him better and have you in our lives - so WHY can't you just come back (to the org)? Is it personal reasons or doctrinal...cause your father and I cannot help you with it - but we can GET you help? Whatever it takes...pleaes think about it." That is where she broke my heart because she started BEGGING me to reconsider my stance against coming back!!!!!
Now back to dad...the reason HE didn't want any familky coming to visit is because apparently they all are 'aware' of him NOT talking to me and have been berating him about his decision to shun his own daughter! He is a very proud, stubborn, and controlling 'southern black man' so NOBODY is gonna tell him what to do or how to think...but his own bros/sis coming at his neck seems to be TOO much for him! Each one told me how they tried to reason with him and how he is staunch in his beliefs right now. BUT they also made me area of the fact that my father NEVER told them why he is shunning me...(they know from me of course) but that when they ask him, he either deflects the question or tells them to 'ask her' or he will say 'when she gets herself together' type or response. UGH!! I love him dearly as my father but do NOT like him...I swear. Mom calls everyday to see how I'm feeling or if I need anything, but I know that too will come to an end soon enough. So that is my story. Now comes the next 4-6 weeks recovery at home resting up and taking it easy...which I'm cool with. But I thought this 'story' of the JW parents caring for their ex-JW daughter kinda turned out pretty funny, huh?