I hate it, and guess what? Guess where I'll be tommorrow morning? Guess why I need to hit the sack early tonight? Yep, you guessed it. Going to bother people early tommorrow morning with the latest magazines, or offerings, or literature. Whatever you wanna call it. Guess what temperature its going to be tommorrow morning? 13 degrees. But there is hope!! Tommorrow is the 30th of the month. Hopefully all those who already have enough field circus time to satisfy their individual conscious, will stay home. Maybe the cold will discourage the others!! That will leave me time for all kinds of goodies. Lets see.............McDonald's has two Sausage McMuffins w/cheese for two dollars. Maybe I'll get two hashbrowns too. Or there is Denny's, Bob Evans, etc.. Reality check.................
On the other hand, the temperature may just rise, and several people will show up. They'll all be trying to outdo one another spiritually. We'll consider the daily text and hear a few sanctimonious, self righteous comments. They'll probably wish to do door-to-door afterwards. And if they don't, one of the pushier, older, pioneers will bully the rest of the group into doing her bidding. (those old ones can be some mean ol bitches!)Which means afterwards, they'll look to me for territory. They'll say, "Lead us Misery!! Lead us to the meek!! For they need to hear our poorly prepared presentations!!" At which I'll respond by taking them to a neighborhood, errr territory that is, where the majority of the people are............eck!!!!! Christians.
Christians who'll respond to my presentation with, "I have my own religion", or "I go to the church down the street." Guess what I'll say? "Do you pray the Lord's Prayer?" At which point, as if on cue, both the "householder" and myself will recite the opening lines to the prayer simultaneously. I'll offer the latest magazines, which they'll accept just to get me off their porch without resorting to rudeness or threats of violence. I'll offer to come back to see, "what they think about the magazines." Then my partner and I will rendevous with the other half of the group who will certainly ask the question.........."Did ya get anybody!?!?!" I'll go, "yes! He told me if I can come back if I can catch him!" "Thats great Misery!" "Who's up for some return visits!!"
Return Visits consist of a group of unwanted people in "your" car going to addresses that they havent been to in two years. And they act so surprised when they get to the address only to find out the person at the house moved, or the householder doesnt recognize them. Or they jotted the address down sloppy, and they cant tell if the adress is 267 Apathetic Street, or 752 Apathetic Drive. Don't let there be a mother and her child in the group either. The child will be forced to to "call on" the woman who took the magazines from the kid only because he's cute, and she's sympathetic. The children of these mothers are almost guaranteed to live double lives as teenagers and fade as adults. After return visits, you drop off everyone, and not one of them offers you any money on gas. But that's ok. You know why? Cuz its over. You can go about your day in peace. Thankful you don't have to do this again until next Saturday. And if your lucky (not that we believe in luck or anything), maybe you'll get snowed in!!!!
