Helping my new buddy Malcom out.

by seven006 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • seven006

    Malcom, much much better pal. It still needs a little work though.

    Lets see how we can make this a little better.

    Your still sticking with that "u" instead of adding the Y and O before it. The Y is found on the first row of letters in the middle of your keyboard just below the numbers. The O is the third key to the right of the Y. Lets give it a try"

    You, again, You, again You, once more Y....O....U. I know you are in a big hurry to get the warning of our impending destruction out but even in times of total annihilation of the planet proper writing techniques are important.

    "WELL DONE apostate satan your father is happy that u make such intelligent responses"

    First I would like to thank you for the "well done." It's nice to receive a few accolades for one's efforts. I'm glad you liked them. Your right about our desire to give intelligent responses. All us apostates pride ourselves on continuing our edjakayshon.

    I do have to take issue with the "father Satan" thing. I don't believe in talking snakes and humanity ending fruit cocktails. The naked lady part of the Adam and Eve story I am all for, but evil fallen angels appearing as a snake I think is just pure silly. If you buy in to it, I'll work with it, so please hang in there with me.

    "to my truth emitting from my mouth."

    That was an excellent use of big word, I really like "emitting" used here. I also appreciate your thought about it being "my truth." All us apostates already realize that the truth as you and other JW's see it is indeed your own. You got two points for that one Malcom. You are learning very quickly.

    "u forgot to add this part also u apostates will try to run back to the truth when armeggedon erupts"

    Now here is a big fupah (fupah is slang for screw up). I am not one for nitpicking spelling errors because I suck at spelling myself but,.......If you are going to try and make a point of us all running with our pointy tails tucked between our legs during the great war of Armageddon you should try to at least spell the damn war right. I mean come on man, it's your damn day of glory and you don't even know how to spell it?

    What if Jehoover came to all you JW's a few seconds before he blew the shit out of the earth and said to prove you are one of my people you need to spell Armageddon correctly? Have you ever thought of that? Your ass would be grass! You'd be dead because you did not know how to spell the name of the most important thing that keeps all you JW's in line. This is important Malcom. I don't want you to die with us. After you read this practice writing it over and over again like this. Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon Armageddon .

    "but u all will be like sitting ducks getting picked off one by one"

    The sitting duck thing is kind'a lame. It depicts a long drawn out destruction killing the billions of people and their kids one by one. I think Jahoover had a bigger party in mind. If he went at it that way you'd have little six year old kids running and hiding behind bushes and cars and stuff. God would have to chase all these little kids around like a mad man trying to blow the shit out of them.
    God is not into hide and seek games when it comes to killing little kids. The clueless babies are simple, they can be fried right there in their mommies arms. It's that pesky kindergarten crowd that would make the sitting duck theory all wrong.

    Mass destruction is the key here pal. Bolts of lightning, fiery meteorites, earthquakes, and white sales at Sears is the answer. I'm sure your local congregation will be handing out your electromagnetic star wars force field shields right before the shit hits the fan so you will be protected by the shooting fire balls. Read the JW books and get your thinking straight on this one. The duck one by one thing isn't very realistic. It's also not very scary. You want to evoke fear here Malcom, not thoughts of early Nintendo games.

    "and as u breathe your last breath u will jump on your computer to post one last message there where right." .and then there will be darkness. a fitting end to the paganist people of today

    Great, excellent, damn good drama here Malcom! I love this dying last breath confession shit. This is the kind of stuff love stories and slasher movies are made of. I can see myself doing just this. I just had the lower half my body blown off by a fiery brimstone rock and I'm dragging the bloody stump of my body up to my still operating computer by my blistered and chard hands. I click on AOL and it still works like it always does with or without electric power and as it pops up and I click on to Everyone is posting franticly and asking what is going on? Malcom (that's you) starts a thread titled "It's armeggedon"

    People are jamming the thread with multiple posts all asking the same exact thing, "it's what?"
    I come on to the thread and in my dyeing breath say "there where right." Then there will be darkness as the camera fades to black and those infamous words pop up "the end." Suddenly the darkness goes away and we hear that joyous and completely unexpected barking in the distance. The barking gets louder and louder and soon we see what we all hoped and prayed for. It's Lassie the hero collie!

    Lassie is limping and a little bloody but she once again has saved the day by destroying armegeddon by chewing it's legs off. She comes up to me and licks my bloody face and all of a sudden my leges grow back. "Thanks girl" I say as I look at my new legs, "I knew you would save the world."

    I'm all choked up now Malcom, I need to go. I'll continue later.


  • teejay

    Thanks, Dave.

    Your patient assistance toward Malcom was very well done, not to say hilarious. Good that you helped him see that not all of us apostate are deemo-nized pieces of snot shit.


    See. We're not all pathetic losers, nothing more than walking bulls-eyes for the impending hailstones and bolts of lightening soon to fall upon us from Jehoover's Mighty Hand.

    Personally? I think you're a stupid, pathetic, dumb-ass troll. But's that's cool, too, 'cause for a long time I wondered what a "troll" was. Thanks to you, now I know.

    Have a nice day, you sorry-ass piece of shit.

    your friend,

  • seven006


    That wasn't very nice. Malcom needs our help to try and give proper insults. Calling him names won't help. He doesn't know he's a troll nor does he know what that means.

    He is obviously a young person and has his heart in the right place. His head is a different matter and may be in a different place so with that in mind we need to be a little more understanding. Let him work on regular words and the correct spelling of Armageddon before we introduce him to name calling.

    Malcom, TJ is on drugs and probably drunk. All of us apostates do that you know. We live for sex, drugs and rated R movies. I'm sure with your help we can toss all that bad stuff aside and just stick to much kinder insults.

    Bad boy TJ, shame on you.

    Big group hug.


  • TR


    I appreciate the lessons for the thinking impaired. Since the Society is late in jumping on the 'education' bandwagon, it's a wonderful service you're providing. I hope Malcom appreciates your effort.


    "YK is his name, false prophecy is his game"

  • seven006


    I'm blushing. I am only trying to help Malcom in his quest to give us all fair warning. I think he is a good kid, he just needs a little help. I think if we all work with him and help him properly insult us he might show a little appreciation and realize we are not near as bad as we all know we are.

    Master Disser? I do not diss, I only help those who are dissless. I like Malcom. He reminds me of....of....of......well, I like him anyway. I did not call him any names or try to make him feel insulted. I was only trying to make him feel at home and help him with furthering his stunted edjakayshon.

    I did not meant to come off as comedic, I am serious as a fortune cookie. I am a lonely and sad guy who sits at his computer waiting to find someone to love him. I express my pain in my writing and hope that it's style and message will aid me in picking up chicks.

    It's tough being me, sniff, sniff.

    It's good to see that someone sees the seriousness of my efforts. Proper insulting is and art and I aspire to be the Picasso of properness. If you see where you can add something in helping Malcom please jump in to aid in his edjakayshon. Who knows maybe someday he will see the real light.

    I read your story. Making you laugh is what it's all about. Laughter IS the best medicine. You should thank Malcom for coming on this board and brightening up your day. He's sure does it for me.

    Thanks Malcom. We all love you!


  • seven006


    Everything that I am I owe to you! I want to grow up to be just like you. I have told you many times before that you are my hero. I'm even working on that shit eating grin of yours. If I had that, I know the cops would take me more seriously next time.

    I am still looking forward to your next trip to Portland so we can smoke that crack we have been talking about. I can have a couple of hookers lined up too and maybe a sheep or even a donkey.

    The church up the street still has that nativity scene set up on the front lawn and maybe we could sneek over there and get ourselves a little piece of plastic.

    I can't wait until I'm an emperor like you. You are my idol. All us evil apostates need to stick together ya know.

    Your humble servant,


  • flower

    Dave, you have me PMP over here! LOL. You are bloody brilliant as they say in England. We need more of this.

    ps. dying is not spelled with an 'e'. ;)

  • seven006


    My material is only as good as it's subject matter. All the accolades and associated reactions in your pants are owed to my buddy Malcom.

    I am only the play-dough in his hands and Jell-O on his bib. He is the pee that is in your pants, not I.

    I do appreciate your thoughts.

    Take care

  • DannyBear


    Hope you found relief(d)for yourself during your morning prayer's, and found the inspiration to carry on undaunted. For we all understand the powerful mantel you have dawned.

    Your quest to educate Malcom and his 'brother and sidekick' You Know, are no easy tasks, a burden only your 'wise ass' would undertake. Peace, JahHaMamaJeez Ma Jack be with you in your herculean effort, we stand by watching in AWE HA HA, AWE HA HA, at your boldness, and lack of sane spirit.

    Not all your work falls on it assend. Because of your ability to touch the gonads of this, yours truly bearlike creature's heartstrings, I did in fact call your friend Alan F last nite.

    Damn if I didn't enjoy every minute of the hour and half plus conversation we had. It made me very happy to do so, btw.

    Alan of course said you were one stupid reprobate, but you of course knew that already.

    So kidding up front, you are not the reprobate you and Alan try to portray.

    Now I have to tell you I love ya, shit, all this love Iam gaining for other males around here, I will have to join Joel and go back to meeting's just for the license to talk about it. See what youve done?


  • RedhorseWoman

    Malcom, you should be SO thankful that Dave has decided to take you under his wing (just don't breathe too deeply under there....I've heard Dave's wing can get

    But, anyway, listen to him. He is truly a gift from Jehovah. He will guide you on the path of righteousness for his namesa..... Oh, wait, getting carried away there.....wrong savior....sorry.

    Anyhoo, appreciate this gift. Utilize this gift. Dave will soon have you speaking and writing like a real, hoity-toity educated person. Yessir, he certainly will.

    And Dave....bless you for your kindness and self sacrifice. I am duly impressed and inspired to commit my life to better things. Anyone want a slightly used mounting block?

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