First I must apologise for not posting an intro before and for the length of my intro, once you start it just keeps pouring out.
I grew up in what the JW Org likes to call a divided home. My mother had become a JW a few years before and was raising her 4 children of which I was the youngest in the Truth. My dad was not interested in being a JW, but let my mother have her way as far as we were concerned.
To say I was a terrible JW would be an understatement, I rarely studied, going on the ministry made me shake with nerves and physically sick and my mind often wondered at meetings. I did really try and it wasn't that I didn't believe I just couldn't meet the grade. I always felt there must be something wrong with me; I am just not good enough.
In my early twenties I met wonderful man and fell in love. He wasn't a JW, smoked and had tattoos, so not the ideal man from my family’s point of view, but he was the kindest and most loving man I had ever met. I left the Org to be with him and a year after we met we eloped and married. There is a lot more to this part of the story, which I might cover at another time.
I never wanted or asked my husband to change I love him for who he is so how we got sucked into the Org again I don't know, but at some point we did and my husband studied and got baptised. Everything seemed perfect from a certain point of view; however, this time round I was no better at being a JW than before.
When our son was born getting to meetings became very difficult so my husband often had to go alone. There were problems in the congregation and I could see the effect was making my husband very unhappy. I asked the brothers for help and support, but got nothing. This wasn't the first time they had promised to help and then let us down, but it would be the last.
Then my husband had a health scare relating to his heart, I was frantic with worry we didn't know what was wrong or how serious. I was also made redundant from my job around the same time. People in the congregation knew, but did anyone phone or pop by to see how we were no. My husband had an anagram around the time of the district assembly, just before he received a letter saying because he had not been attending meetings he would not be able to do parking duty (so caring). The fact that we were not going to be there due to his health had gone completely over their heads.
That was it I was done with the congregation, but I still felt this was a local problem that overall the Org was right. Then just before Christmas my Dad let it slip to my sister that I had let my son take part in the nativity. She called me worried that if my other sister found out they would have us Dfed. I told her I didn't care what they thought anymore then she and her husband confessed that they were fading from the Org and had found out things were not right.
They opened my eyes and at last I could see the problems in the congregation were only a reflection of more deep seated issues higher up. I took their advice and starting doing my only research, which I shared with my husband. He then confessed he had doubts for a long time.
I couldn't sleep for two nights my mind had so much to process, but once it had I felt a great inner peace. I didn't just know what I was reading was right I felt it. It was like my instincts all along had been screaming this is wrong and now I could listen to them.
I am so thankful to my sister and her husband, the last two years had torn me apart emotionally and mentally, had this continued I don't know what might have happened. I used to be so angry, but now I feel great. My husband and I are much happier and we both love the network here you guys and gals are great.
Future wise I want to:
1. Help my sister’s family fade and give them all the support they need.
2. Keep my family as far away from the Org as poss
3. Get in touch with lost Dfed friends and let them know the truth if they don't already
4. Tell people the truth if they ask me about JWs
5. Tell my dad he was right never to be involved
6. Get rid of all JW literature (poison)
7. Look forward to the day when I can tell certain people what I really think of them
8. Look forward to the birth of my second baby happy in the knowledge that I won't risk dying in the process due to lack of blood