Why Do Some Elders Go After "Faded Ones" While Others Leave Us Alone?

by minimus 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    Robdar, and others, maybe they're afraid of us.

  • WTWizard

    Is it because some are worth less than others to them? They will only go after you if they reasonably think you are worth the trouble it is going to take to recapture you, or if the hounder-hounder tells them to. And, often they will not be upfront about it but will wait 10 years or more, and then go after you.

  • minimus

    who's the hounder-hounder?

    speak english, not code, willya?

  • Robdar
  • chickpea

    translation: hounder-hounder = CO
    defined as he who hounds the hounders
    (hounders = elduhs)

    i am thinking it is totally dependent on
    how big a ruckus the GOBs (good ole boys)
    think a fader will kick up.... they know for
    a certainty if they came around here and
    said "show up or you are out" and i decided
    to show up... well, lets just say i never was
    a shrinking violet and that is one dog fight
    they do not want to have to clean up after

  • Robdar

    The forum dropped my response. Take two:

    Minimus: Robdar, and others, maybe they're afraid of us.

    Mini, not in my case. The elder who presided over most my baptismal questions told me to go in peace. He also said it was good to question your faith. He was correct in that matter but wrong when he told me he knew I would be back. I still love that man. I have encountered many an elder since I left. Some of them are even the men I grew up with. I have never received any grief from any one of them. I have been treated well. I think some congregations are more loving and peaceful than others.

  • minimus

    Then maybe we're just nice.

  • orangefatcat

    when I left the organization I did two things, one I refused to go to any committee meeting to be raked over the coals by three men whom I had no intention telling them about my mistake, I said I will leave it in God's hands, and two I have never looked back with regret for leaving or for being disfellowshipped. I feel that sure I did commit adultery but it was out of sheer desperation. I needed to be loved like anyone else and I wasn't getting any love from my ex okay so I know I did wrong but I wasn't sorry for what I did, I had a terrible marriage, and after 28 years and three breakdowns, lose of one child, and his mental , emotional and verbal abuse I couldn't take it anymore, I was ready to snap again, and before that would happen I decided to leave once and for all. And so yes I planned everything to the last detail. It worked and I have survived to a greater existence, and am far far more happier and content person with a life to live.

    A much happier life, filled with many friends, and with so much to do there isn't enough hours in a day to complete all that needs to be done.

    So have the elders allowed me my freedom and left me alone all these 10 years . For the most part yes. When I was in the hospital last summer a witness elder who knew me wanted to talk with me as he had been given my name by mistake that I was a witness, even though for the past 10 yrs I have told our hospital I am no longer a JW/ well anyway this elder wanted to talk and I was just to weak too and I gave him my number to call me when I got home. Then I changed my mind and I called my ex and asked him to call that elder and to tell him I didn't want them to come over, because there was no use, I just don't believe in the WTS teachings. So he called this elder up and told him I wished no elders to contact me and they haven't and they haven't been around either.

    In the past decade I have never received a invite to the memorial or special talks or anything. I personally believe they have left me alone because they know that they failed in responding to my calls for help and that I even told them that you show your faces at my door a wk before the CO Visit to make it look good so that you can say you made your shepherding calls. You see I have been ill a lot over the years and have missed many meetings and for some reason they hold that against you.

    Just as well. At least today I go to church regularly and miss only if I am really sick and secondly if the weather is terrible outside. like freezing rain or torrential rains. Other than that I am at church twice or three times a wk.

    I am happy the witnesses never pestered me. And if I really need to know the latest of anything I just call up the ex and get the lowdown.


  • boyzone

    Glad life is working out for you Orangefatcat.

    My son was hounded after leaving the congregation. He was 22 and gay. The elders gave him loads of shepherding calls to try and "readjust" him but he left and did as he pleased (although he wasn't promiscuous at all). Our family (all JW's) had normal contact with him for many months, family occasions, dinner, doing his washing etc, just normal stuff...then we had a new CO and the atmosphere changed. The elders started to hound him. They knew where he lived so they called at various times of the day to try and contact him. He didn't want to talk to them so he pretended to not be home. They used to ring him too but he had caller display and didn't answer any unfamiliar numbers. But they were persistant and got hold of his mobile number from another brother. Catching him offguard, he answered the phone. The elder, Jerry Heans, finally asked him the fateful question, "do you still want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses?" Of course he said no, thereby officially disassociating himself.

    I spoke to Jerry after the meeting soon after my son's announcement and asked him why they had to pursue him like that. Why couldn't they just let him go? He tried to explain about the CO etc but he kinda blustered a bit and wasn't very clear. I then said "was it just to keep the paperwork tidy?" He said yes.

    So thats it. My son was disassociated and is now shunned by all his friends and all the people he'd ever grown up with in the congregation, and initially by his grandparents, just to keep the paperwork tidy for the CO. And who was this CO? Bill Harris. Thanks Bill - not.

  • minimus

    Hi OFC!

Share this