Why Do Some Elders Go After "Faded Ones" While Others Leave Us Alone?

by minimus 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • Casper

    I've wondered about that also, I haven't seen or heard from any of them in ten years now.

    I do know that at the time I started to fade, 11 years ago, that my situation was so unique to them, that they literally didn't know what to do with me.

    I was actually told that by the PO at the time, so I guess they just decided to leave me alone.

    Lucky me...


  • nugget

    It depends on the elders and how spiteful they are. I think a lot has to do with personality and also if they get wind of apostate thinking espeacially if someone tries to share thoughts with others then they will hound to get you out by any means such is the fear of apostates.

  • oppostate

    Some elders are really convinced they have the Truth.
    The Society encourages elders to revisit inactive ones 
    who are those called for the most part "faders" here.
    The Society doesn't like having "faders" they need some
    sort of closure. Either the person is reactivated or 
    deactivated. There's no other choice, if you are a 
    fader you are an almost forgotten landmine that 
    could go off... simply by sharing what you know
    with other people. It is a danger the Society doesn't
    want to allow. If a person is a fader and responds
    negatively to the visit they could be considered to
    be disassociated. That brings closure, anyone who
    is still active will better not try and seek contact with
    him or her.
    It is all a matter of control. Some elders' lives are too
    busy to bother and they can hardly control what they
    have on their plate. If you happen to be in a congregation
    where most elders are hardpressed for time and feel
    exhausted they'll most likely leave you alone unless
    there's some complaint. 
  • minimus

    Interestingly, on my mother's side of the JW family, because I don't go to meetings or do anything proJW, they treat me as a df'd person. The elders don't even treat me like that!

  • Gayle

    Years ago, late 60s, a few JWs in the cong. saw a "sister" (no longer attending meetings) walking out of church with her husband (never a JW). The congregation servant (as was called then) just shrugged, not bringing it to issue, and said well we don't know if she participated in anything, maybe just there with husband. The next week, was the circuit servant's (as called then) visit and it was brought up to him and said lightly well, we'll just ask. The next week the "sister" was disfellowshipped.

    So some elders just shrug it off, peacefully. And then, some with the lightness of a feather, disfellowship.

  • Hopscotch

    It could also be a matter of convenience to leave some alone for a while.

    I believe that could be true in the case of my husband and myself. After 40+ years of being very active JWs (hubby an elder) we faded around 3 - 4 years ago. My father (an elder) gave us an ultimatum in January last year - return or my family cuts us off. When I told him we weren't going back he told me I was dead in his eyes and that also he was going to report us to our elders for apostacy.

    That was 12 months ago. My family did cut us off but we have still not heard a peep from the elders in our old cong. We believe this is because we have my elderly MIL living with us. She is a staunch JW and her only other child is in Brooklyn bethel in the writing dept. He (my BIL) has told us that his position is way too important to come back to the Australian bethel so he is closer to us and can help out with his mother (who has very poor health as well as schizophrenia and is a real handful). He has also told us that he knows that if they stay in bethel he and his wife have the security of being looked after into their old age. (They have been in bethel for over 30 years.)

    The elders in our last cong know him and one is a really good mate of my BIL. So we believe that it has been suggested that as long as my MIL is still alive that they don't make waves with us as who else is going to look after her.


  • jambon1

    After a few months of calls & unannounced visits I have not been hounded by the elders in my cong. I know that other elders in other halls have wanted me 'dealt with.'

    I offered to explain all my reservations & reasons immediately after I left the org. They realised I was a lost cause I think.

    If I was hounded then I would have certainly sat down & explained. It would have led to me being d/f'd.

    I can't say that I'm bothered either way.

    They can keep their inner politics & shove it right up their arse.

  • minimus

    The elders know I have n o t h i n g to talk to them about.

  • flipper

    MINIMUS- Perhaps you actually had some halfway " decent " elders who weren't evil. There are a good number of elders who tend to follow the lead of a " dominant " elder in congregations . If a " dominant " elder has a gridge towards a certain " faded " witness due to personality differences or another witness goads the elders to chase down a fader- the dominant elder will NOT hesitate to chase after such a faded witness. I know, I was chased over 80 miles from where I even ATTENDED a congregation. And I was chased 3 years after I stopped attending. Why ? A vindictive ex-wife , and an elder who had me in his scope on his gun who didn't like my independent nature. So there you go. That's part of what makes them chase some of us. They perceive us as a threat. Even miles away ! Peace out, Mr.Flipper

  • Robdar
    So far, no one has really bothered me. I always wonder why. Then I read of how some are always getting calls and visits. I don't get it.

    I don't get it either. I was never bothered by the elders, not once; however, I was bugged by a few jw friends. The one that converted my parents when I was a toddler came down on my rump pretty hard. Instead of respecting her gray hair, I wish I had told her how much I resented her. She's dead now, so it doesn't matter anymore.

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