Why Would Someone Like me Leave the "Truth"? Part 5 (Final Installment)

by cantleave 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • cantleave

    This is a direct continuation od Part IV...................................

    You can imagine the reaction of the people who saw me storm out of the hall – but what happened in the elders meeting after I left was even funnier. Mike told me that there was stunned silence for about a minute. Then Bro. Slimeball said “we’ll take that as his stepping down!”. Apparently 8 of the 9 other elders all simultaneously said - “NO!”. They all felt that I was provoked and although the reaction was over the top it did not constitute my stepping down.

    I was really pissed off, so much so that when I got home I called the CO.. He was to his credit excellent. He listened and gave me strategy. First of all to make sure that the societies procedure was followed. Bro Slimeball’s daughter was still living with him, so after the JC and investigation as to whether he still qualified was needed. If Slimeball refused the CO would chair it personally. Because the incident involved a 15 year old girl it should be reported to the legal desk. He added that I did nothing wrong and in his opinion there was no reason ti investigate my course of action. He told I should call Slimeball and apologise for the walk out and make clear that I had no intention of stepping down or relinquishing responsibilities, I would do the Memorial Talk the following week. He told me not to mention the conversation we were having to Slimeball!

    I made the phone call, during the conversation I said I was surprised that I was not considered to be on the JC, Slimeball said he had told Lapdog not to choose me as he felt I was too biased. I repeated back what he had just said “so you gave an instruction for me not be chosen?” “Yes I did”. This conversation is very important, because no one should be able to influence the make up of a JC. It should be appointed by the whole body of elders. Nugget was in the room whilst I was having the conversation and can vouch that this indeed was said.

    I spoke to Mike about the need for the investigation into whether Slimeball was presiding over his household in a fine manner. This is a requirement laid down in the “Flock Book” so Mike said he would ensure this happened. I told Mike that I had spoken to the CO and stated that if it didn’t happen he would do it himself, but not mention this to Slimeball.

    The next day Mike told me that he had spoken to Lapdog who was chairing the JC and he was going to arrange a “special elders meeting” to undertake the Review of Slimeball’s qualifications and at the same time investigate Bro. Cantleave’s actions over the last 2 week. Mike said he couldn’t believe that this was still on the agenda, but apparently my storming underscored my lack of judgement, and Slimeball and Lapdog felt the matter couldn’t rest. Two brothers were selected to speak to me about my behaviour before this meeting.

    The brothers looked at the policy files and came and saw me. At the end of the meeting they accepted that I had done wrong except breaking elders meeting protocol by Storming out. They also warned that accusing Slimeball of nepotism could easily become “ smiting with words” and slander, but as it was a one off, in the heat of the moment, they didn’t think this was the case and they weren’t going to take it any further.

    The special meeting was to take place the week after the memorial. Whilst preparing the memorial talk I thought I would undertake some research on the “partaking of the emblems” as this was a big part of what the outline focuses on. The more I researched the more uncomfortable I became about what my personal relationship with Jesus was. One the Watchtowers I read on the subject made it pretty clear that the great crowd had a relationship not with Jesus directly but by proxy through the FDS. So what did Jesus mean when he said “no one comes to the Father except through me”?

    I started to investigate how this was interpreted by other bible reference works. There seemed to be no other religion that didn’t take this statement on face value. Only JW’ s saw these words of Jesus as being aimed at a small group of special people. Normally I would have let this go. But I was under stress and was pissed off with the way I was being treated by my local BOE, I had to make sure that what the WT said was right, because if it wasn’t why should I take this crap. I did something that I was warned never to do. I Googled the subject. I couldn’t believe how much discussion there was on the internet about this subject and JW’s. I watched a couple UTube videos by posters on this site koolaidman and Tuesday. I didn’t want to believe what they were saying. They were both bitter and critical ex JW’s. What the hell does a professional wrestler and someone who obviously falsely claimed he was one of the anointed know about the Truth? They want to undermine my faith because they have lost the prospect of everlasting life and want me to share in their misery . I had to finish my preparing my talk, I have time to wasted reading this apostate poison.

    I completed my talk 48 hours before it was due to be delivered it to the congregation. I T went down really well, I had so many people commend for what was said by few to be the best memorial talk they had heard in years. I normally felt great when I got that type of commendation, but this time I had other things on my mind. Things to do with what I had read on the internet, the resurfacing of the doubt’s that I had filed away over the years and a special elders meeting in 2 days time.

    The special elders meeting was a complete farce. Slimeball was asked loads of closed questions such as “do you study with your daughter?” “do you monitor her internet activity?” he could without any difficulty paint a picture of the perfect dad. I couldn’t concentrate and decided I wouldn’t ask any questions I just let it go, I wanted to move on. After the “investigation” Slimeball was asked to leave the room and all the elders unanimously decided that he was fit to stay an elder and continue as the COBE.

    After he was told the result he took the chair and asked the two brothers for the results of their investigation. When he was told that there was no evidence of me doing anything against theocratic procedure he went ballistic. He accused the brothers of conducting a poor investigation and he started to conduct his own. He said the evidence was addressed to him, that I had told the sister not give it to him directly. He said I was wrong to open a document, that I knew contained personal information about his family, in front of someone else who had nothing to do with the family. He said I must have grieved god spirit when I stormed out of the meeting.

    I went straight into defence mode and replied, “it probably grieved the spirit more that you hand picked your daughters JC, and told the chairman not to take my hand.”

    One the Elders said “Cantleave that is a very serious accusation – is it true?” I said “Yes Slimeball told me himself he did that.”

    At that that point Slimeball said “Well Bro. Cantleave –you have added Lieing and slander to the list, I never said that because I never did that.”

    One the other elders asked Lapdog if that was the case, “ I don’t remember if we discussed that”,

    My response was “It is a very simple question – were you asked to not take my hand?”

    After a pause the answer came back “No I was not asked to do that”.

    I lkeft the organisation in my mind at that point. That evening I trawled the internet, I spent a couple months reading websites like Silentlambs, and The six screens of the watchtower, I learned about the UN Scandal, the real history of the organisation, the scumbag that Rutherford was and in June I joined this forum.

    In part 1 of this thread I stated that the WTS tells its members that anyone who leaves the Organisation is wrong. They are immoral, apostate, weak , bitter or don’t trust Jehovah to sort things out. I am none of those things.

    Well I am not bitter, I am not weak or immoral, I haven’t left the wife of my youth (in fact she now post here too). I trusted Jehovah to sort things out and he didn’t. I expected his method of appointing shepherds by HS to work, it doesn’t because he is not using this organisation.

    If after reading this account you think you know who I am, you probably don’t, as I said before my experience isn’t unique. The same things are being played out in congregations throughout the world. I wasn’t 100% certain of that though until I read Crisis of Conscience. That book made me realise that what happened in my local body of Elders was a reflection of what happened in the Governing Body in the late 1970’s. The organisation is corrupt from the top down.

    I implore any lurkers or active JW’s on this site to read Ray’s books. You won’t get possessed by Demons but you may free yourself of the Guilt and Fear that keeps so many people in the prison of the WTS.

  • mouthy

    The organisation is corrupt from the top down

    Amen to that. So happy your FREE!!!!

  • nugget

    I can confirm that they lied. Slimeballs daughter was soon back on the school and doing demos. I would have asked if cantleave wasn't chosen because of perceived bias then why was brother lapdog involved as he was clearly biased the other way?

    The trouble is once they start on a campaign against a person they constantly gripe and criticise until you are exhausted. This is a form of bullying that would be unacceptable in any other setting. Every time a CO visit came along we would be critcised as a family by specific members of the BOE. No encouragement no help just the constant drip drip drip. It was all because my husband spoke out at Elders meetings and wouldn't let the CBOE run the show as he wanted. He was also unfortunate that Bro Lapdog wanted his job and was in the forefront of the critcism.

    These incidents were so similar to what I had experienced with bullying at work I couldn't believe a theocratic body would use these tactics. It was only after the storming out that I learnt anything about what was going on in the hall. I had been a dutiful elders wife. I didn't question or eaves drop so knew nothing about what my husband was involved in. I knew he was unhappy and after every elders meeting I would ask the question : "are you still an elder?" He usually said yes, this time he said "No I've resigned." By the time we got home he said, "I may have made a mistake."

    When he told me what was going on I was floored. He asked me to witness the call to Slimeball and filled me in on some of the background so if slimeball says my husband lied he was wrong.

    Following this incident my husband seemed to be coming to bed later and later and obviously had something on his mind. I know now he was hanging out with you guys at the time I thought I must be the most unholy, unattractive elders wife on the planet. It was kind of a relief when he told me he was having doubts. I was brought up with an unbelieving parent so this was territory I was comfortable with.

    It took time but I'm right there with him. Paradise being shepherded by men like slimeball could never be God's plan. if it is then god is seriously lacking in judgement.

  • mouthy

    I know now he was hanging out with you guys at the time

    Thank God he was!!!!Great that you walked the walk with him.
    Great news, Thanks for sharing both of you

  • KingDavidwasframed

    The way I was treated was the same and when I was asked to resign as an MS because of false accusations was when I knew Jehovah was no longer using the local congregations. It wasn't until I found this site (by accident) and read CoC by Brother Franz that I came to realize it was the whole organization.

    And good for you Nugget for standing by your husband.

    As you wrote in one of your parts, that it is amazing how many things you can put away in the "wait on Jehovah file" is so true! It is hard to believe how many things we will put up with and when we look at it in retrospect it is like "what were we thinking?"

  • EmptyInside

    Thanks for sharing your experience. Many publishers don't realize what goes on behind the scenes, unless you have a family member that's an elder. I have two brothers, both had serious problems with fellow elders, different congregations, different elders. One left the "truth" for awhile, but is coming back, and the other one just went to another hall. And I also can identify with having doubts over the years, but filing them away, hoping for new understanding, or new light. And I was always a little uneasy with vague, and simplistic answers to deep subjects. But, thanks again for your experience, it was quite interesting.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Such petty politics. I saw my share, too. It's really eye-opening to know that the "foolish men" chosen by Jehovah run things in a "foolish" way.

  • treadnh2o

    I learned from a very young age that this is a "good old boys club". It had nothing to do with holy spirit. (How did I get appointed while turning in bogus f.s. reports).

    Guess you weren't one of them cantleave.

    FYI-I really enjoyed your series of posts. You do come across a little bitter though, But it's okay to be. You probably feel you wasted a good part of your life slaving for a false cause.

  • nugget

    You do come across a little bitter though,

    I suspose there might be a little bitterness, I think it comes from the fact I took things so seriously and did my best for an organisation that didn't give a sh*t about me or my family. I have never had a Birthday, never celebrated xmas, was out in FS when my school friends were enjoying themselves. I gave the best years of my life to lie. I am now 43 and am having to start from scratch and that is quite daunting. The emotions that that really dominates though is sadness. SadnessI will probably lose people in my life who I have long considered to be friends. They will be poisoned by a culture of dishonesty, in the same way I was with Jerry.

    2010 is a new year and a chance to put it all behind me. I have a long way to go before I get to where I need to be, but I 'm running there and not pussyfooting around.

  • cantleave

    I must remember to sign in as myself when on nugget's computer!!!!

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