To tell my parents or not to tell my parents...unfortunately that is a question (page 2)

babygirl30

I agree with what everyone here has said - invite your parents and let the cards fall where they may!! I firmly believe that the BEST way to show these JW's that life outside the org is not going to kill you...is to be HAPPY! You're getting married, you found someone you love and adore, you are goign to start a family - show your parents that no matter what they say or how their shunning has affected you - you are 'ok' and that your life is happy without the org behind you. Better yet, stick a pic of the 2 of you IN their invitation....so they can SEE your happiness.

On another note...your parents sound similar to mine. About 3 mos ago, after having dealings with me for 10mos straight, my parents forbid me to come to their home any longer, took back my key, and told me NOT to call unless it's a life or death matter. apparently both of them going into the hospital (my dad for a mini stroke and my mom for knee surgery) was not important enough for them to contact me and let me KNOW...guess they figure that it would go against their 'shunning' policy. But I know my parents, they are the most UNHAPPY people I've ever met - and what's ironic is that despite being DF'd and NOT having family support or association - I am STILL happy!

HappyGuy

Finally Free,

I liked this:

The terms of a healthy relationship not imposed by any one party by unilateral decree. When I left the cult I made it clear that I will be a full family member every day or never again

It shows an unwillingness to compromise one's integrity and exposes the WTBTS for what it is.

dig692

Congratulations on your engagement! I am truly sorry you find yourself in this situation. I too agree with most of the others who have posted. Your parents seem to have expressed their desire to have nothing to do with you, but don't let that influence the kind of person you are.

Like leavingwt stated "Expect nothing". Don't go into this with the hopes that they might change their mind and see this is a big enough event in your life to where they will throw aside all that they have been taught as JWs to finally be a part of your life. Make this about you and your soon to be wife. This union is between the two of you and God if you so choose, and you should let nothing take away from that happiness. Send them an invitation the same as you would anyone else. Don't make it about your parents, make it about your family. Maybe someday they will see what they are missing and reach out to you, maybe not. But don't leave room for possible regret or what if's on your part.

Best wishes for your special wedding day and marriage, and any little ones that may pop up in the future!

The Almighty Homer

Another part of me doesn't want a very hurtful part of my past present at a ceremony celebrating my future. And especially if they wouldn't be there in support, but more out of morbid curiosity, I don't want them there either.

I don't think your being selfish at all, your parents abandoned you, they have also abused you by instilling you into

corrupt and devious religious cult, which they haven't obviously left yet.

Thats a dark and regrettable past that is not worth repeating itself for you or your soon to be wife and children.

Now is the time to work on your future, toward something better for your new family.

Stand up and take responsibility for yourself and your family.

Bringing your parents to your wedding where they would mostly have a sullen look on their faces

and intensionally sadden an otherwise joyest event would be a miss step by yourself.

This is your day to shine and is a beginning to make everything wrong for what your parents did to you.

Look at it this way do you think they would invite you to day that they celebrate like a wedding anniversary.

The truth of it all is your parents wouldn't really want to be there anyways, so why put them in that position

with the added potential of ruining a very special day for you and your fiancé. Take care

VoidEater

This may not be helpful - my personal philosophy is always try to leave the door open.

If they are actively hostile or negative towards you or your family, then it's appropriate to close the door.

If it's been a number of years since last contact, I'd like to have the possibility still open.

So, I'd send them an invitation with a note that you'd like to have them in your life. Then they can decide to be there, and if they choose to be there, you can decide if they are mature and loving enough to continue to be there.

jamiebowers

See "family" for what it is. Biological similarities don't outweigh toxicity. I'd rather have friends with whom I have things in common than remain bound to a toxic family because of mere DNA.

I couldn't agree more!

quietlyleaving

As a parent, what would you want?

as a parent I would love to be invited but if I was as devout as your parents are I probably wouldn't come to the wedding but would tell you so that you'd know for sure I wouldn't be coming. But I would secretly hope that after the wedding you would send me a couple of wedding pictures so I that I can look at them when I'm by myself.

mrsjones5

I agree with the above: send the invite but don't be surprised if they decide not to come.

creativhoney

when I was disfellowshipped my parents told me that there could only be contact in a 'family emergency'

what this means, is they constitute what is an emergency, retaining the right to shun you at their leisure, but of course if they need care when elderly, that would be an emergency.

I told my mum that since they no longer viewed me as part of the family, then there could be no family emergency that concerned me.

If I have a relationship, I wouldnt announce it. do you want to give them t he pleasure of refusing? - let them feel regret not you. - you have done nothing wrong. its them that will look back and wonder.

llbh

I agree with Voideater and Ql

David

To tell my parents or not to tell my parents...unfortunately that is a question

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