I will get to the BIG shocker that i read within the last year or two in a WT study article, so please bear with me... I am new to this forum and have been reading postings for several days now, and can relate totally to many of the issues that many ex-JW have. I was raised "around" the truth and although my parents were never "dipped", they wouldn't allow us to celebrate holidays or stand for natl anthem (not that i care now). So I basically had many of the pressures and stress that Witness kids had growing up, but with NO spiritual support, as we attended only a handful of meetings while my parents studied when I was 5or6. (41 now). When asked by others why we didnt celebrate we just made some lame excuse and mostly tried to avoid holiday topics and NEVER went to friend's b-day parties. It was a VERY odd way to grow up!
As life went on, I always wanted to go to meetings and eventually did as a teenager and reep great persecution from my own parents for doing so (odd... again!) I got "dedicated" at age of 18 and was high on life, cuz I was in the TRUTH, and on Gods side!! I gave up baseball, which btw, i was quite a gifted lefty pitcher who had college and pro potential (so i was told). I am pretty bitter now that I am learning the truth about WTS!! As many others have, I also gave up college opportunity and POSSIBLE baseball future.
I was in and out of the "truth" for a few years when I got married and she wanted to check it out too. I dragged her into the vacuum with me! After going seadily for several years and becoming an MS, I became sooo stressed out from all that was expected of me as a rank and file member, as well as, a MS. Depression settled in and became sooo severe they wanted to give me shock treatments and I begged them not to, that I would somehow make it out of it! Well, I got out of it all right... Divorced, quit meetings, almost df'd (i cried a lot).
All along, I STILL thought this was the "truth", but that I just couldnt handle that hard lifestyle, that it was just ME, not them!! Because I still thought it was the "truth", I decided to give it another try within the last couple yrs. (re-married with 2 kids) I didnt want my kids to die due to MY lack of effort to do what was "right"!!! The guilt tdhat was always out there weighing on my mind and heart for not doing what I knew was "right", was KILLING me, esp. now with kids!!! I felt sooo alone, now with 2 little kids and my wife not buying into the "truth". I soon began to feel that same ole stress bearing down on me, that I cant possibly do all that they expect of me!! They wanted me to study with an elder on my JC (protocol) and show progress thru my studing with him and that if i didnt show progress, I would not get any "priviliges". PRESSURE!!! All while brining a 3 and 4 yr old with me to meetings!!
THEN, a BIG red flag stuck out at me in one of the WT mag. study articles!! (I am soooo sorry, I dont have the exact issue to quote!!! If anyone knows what that one is.. please help me out with the details) I remember very clearly and did SEVERAL double takes at what it said!! It mentioned that there may be one day soon that the GB may ask you to do something that you will not understand or may seem strange, but we should just trust them and do it!!! WOW!!! I have been in and around the "truth" for years, and NEVER had I heard something that sounded like that!! HELP ME OUT HERE... Is it just me, has there EVER been any other statements similar to that???? If so, then I WAS REALLY BLIND!!! Had it not been for the fact that I was just trying to come back, I suppose I would have just let it breeze by me and gone along with the program!!
Are they getting ready to tell everyone the only way to get into the new system is to commit suiside? or kill all who oppose? or what???? That seemed to me like they were "preparing" them for something, or things, they are going to tell them to do!!!
Not sure if everone heard, but appearantly God wants them to back off of their 5 meetings that they so addimantly (sp?) pushed and guilted all to attend!!! They took out the bookstudy!!! I was always under the impression that when the "end" comes, that the bookstudy goups were supposed to be where we to go and that elder/conductor is who we were to connect with!!! A CHANGE.... AGAIN???
I have spent many hours these past several days reading all postings here, and looking for more info to help get this brainwashed sh** out of my head. I found, and ordered Franz book C of C and plan to order the other one when Im done with that one! I NEVER considered myself a "sucker" for ANYTHING!! BUT THEY GOT ME!!! I WASTED TOO MAY YEARS AND HURT TOO MANY PPL WITH MY SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS AND MINDLESS FOLLOWING!!! I am sooo ashamed and embarrased and sad for allowing this to happen to me and totally screw up my life and my marriage and ALMOST screwed up my current marriage!!!!
NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE ANYONE'S FOOL!!!
(Sorry for my boring story, but thanks, it helped to write this)
love, your apostate brother!