Mother's Letter To Start Off The New Year...

by silentlambs 87 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rhett

  WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE IS WHETHER YOU ARE RIGHT OR WE ARE RIGHT ABOUT PEOPLE GETTING EVERLASTING LIFE. ONL Y TIME AND ARMAGEDON WILL PROVE THE TRUTH.

  It doesn't matter who is right or wrong but you'll see that we are.
  Send the letter. Not necisarily for the but for you. Not only that but being nice and going along with what they say only sends the message that you think what they're doing is ok. Actions speak louder than words you know. Don't apologize, don't back down. My sig. file applies to you as much as it does me.

  I don't need to fight
  To prove I'm right
  I don't need to be forgiven.
• 

  mrs rocky2

  Bill - how sad! we feel your pain. There has been a lot of discussion on whether to send the letter or not. Rocky and I both still have JW parents, we are not DA'd or DF'd. Think about this - mom needs to know that she taught you to always stand up for the little guy, which is what you are doing. She is asking you to deny the very things she taught you as a JW child and to violate your conscience. Tell her it is your Bible trained conscience that moves you to support a right cause.

  As for the children, we had a disagreement with my dad over 10 years ago. We laid some boundaries with him (he called every Saturday and asked why we weren't out in service), tried to lay guilt trips on Rocky because he didn't want to be a servant (the brothers recommended him but he has always been a rogue), etc. We invited my parents to talk to our kids via the mail as verbal communication was extremely poor (he said, she said, no I didn't say that). Anyway, through the whole process our children were informed of everything. They saw all the letters. Our children, now college age, have made the decision to not become JWs. Both are still extremely good and moral. Both have managed their contact with grandparents well. Kids are very adept at seeing the issues that we parents miss in the cult world. When they have all the information they seem to always side with the under dog, especially when the under dog is in the right. If the kids know the whole story and visit the grandparents you can be sure discussion will occur. The grandparents will have a hell of a time ignoring the pleas of grandchildren supporting a noble cause.

  We loved your letter, whether you decide to send it or not. We tend to agree with LB that sometimes simple is the best, especially if on an emotional note (on the vein of what we wrote above). If you have sent it - way to go, give 'em hell Bill!

  The best to you - none of us should have to deal with all the emotional garbage!

  Rocky and
• 

  anewperson

  Dear Mom, I love you, and the kids and any future grandkids so fight child rape out of love for Jehovah. You're still free to pick up the telephone and talk to me since I'm not disfellowshipped, just as all others in the brotherhood are. Love for what Jehovah wants is greater than misplaced love for one's peers whether we are children or adults. With Love,
• 

  Farkel

  Erich,

  : You should send that letter to the right address and not to the wrong one.

  : Your parents are victims of stupidity and intolerance of elders, CO's and so on.

  : THEY (and not your parents who after 40 years got totally frustrated and thinking screwedly) have to be forced to change their attitude in appropriate manner so it matches with the demandments of the Holy Bible.

  : That's the right way. The elders of their congo must do steps to influence they in appropriate manner. They are fully responsible for what'd happened, and besides, your parents are hearing up to them - more than to the scriptures.

  From the way you've worded your comments, it appears you are suggesting that silentlambs send his letter to the elders or CO/Do.

  That is obviously an opinion that you've not thought through very clearly, which is why I'm not the least bit surprised you made it. You make a bad assumption that has consistently been disproved by the facts. You assume that the elders will take those words in stride and humility and deal with them in a Christian manner. You are likely dead wrong. Generally, elders take those words as a threat, especially words like the the WTS being a "cult." You are almost DEFINITELY dead wrong that the CO, or DO would do the same. They are the storm troopers in dubland. They would merely hand the letter over to the elders and tell them to "deal with it." "Deal With It" = Judicial Committee and probably DFing.

  A letter to the GB would be tossed "down" to the CO or elders and the result would be the same. What you suggest is NOT even remotely a good or practical idea. You are assuming that JW leaders are typically good and fair men who base their decisions on love and kindness. You are wrong. They base their decisions on Corporate Policy and the Bible is only used for a prop.

  Your comments are an open invitation to get silentlambs disfellowshiped for apostasy. Calling the WTS a "Cult" is apostasy in dubland.

  Silentlambs: Tweetie Bird has a balanced view. Parents are all different, but if you do send the letter and your mother gets really upset, she might hand that letter over to the elders in an irrational moment, and they would have all the ammunition they need to get rid of you on an issue that the society could say had nothing to do with child abuse. You could be out and the society would have "won."

  At the very least, I say you put that letter aside for a while, until you are entirely calm and have zero energy left on the horrible comments you mother made (it that is at all possible.) THEN decide what to do with it.

  Farkel
• 

  Lee Elder

  Hello Bill,

  I agree with the sentiments of Sam B. - I believe that it would
  likely be a mistake to send the letter you wrote. It is very
  difficult to advise others about how to handle these kinds of
  situations. No one knows your parents better than you do. You have
  unique insights about their personality and makeup. I think its
  important that you respect their right to believe as they wish and
  that whatever form of communication you choose, it conveys that
  you love them.

  There is also the potential for you to benefit from the experiences
  of others who have been down this path. There are some very noteworthy
  comments in this thread and you can probably glean some helpful ideas.

  In my own case, my JW parents are divorced and one is remarried. I began a gradual process of sharing information with them while I was still an elder. As a result, one of them walked away about the same time that I did. The other has stayed but has become a very liberal JW with many doubts and a streak of independence and dissidence.

  Your "coming out" experience on behalf of the "silent lambs" may have made it difficult or impossible to gradually try and help your family members unless you had planned all of this well in advance. Some brothers have effected elaborate maneuvers to “rescue” their JW family members, but it is no easy task.

  I have found that I have been able to set down and do rapid "deprogramming" with younger JWs in just one session with a little follow up. This is not the case with older JWs and I'm far from convinced that this is even in their best interest. It is an enormous undertaking for a person in their late 60's or older to try and build a new circle of friends, risk important relationships and question and perhaps rebuild or remodel their belief system.

  It is a sad reality that the WTS discourages its members from having anything to do with family members who question or leave the organization. Your parents, my parents, and anyone else thrown into this situation is likely to feel some resentment towards the family member who precipitated this kind of disruption in their life. A healthy dose of empathy is in order and beneficial. When that is present, one can hope that at the very least a JW parent would come to respect the conscientious stand taken by their adult child and lacking that, “agree to disagree”, while continuing to demonstrate love and respect for each other.

  Warmest regards,

  Lee
• 

  JT

  In the 5 yrs that i have been on the Net this is the type of mistake i have seen so many former jw make over and over again and again.

  I find it so amazing how many former jw were in the org for 10-20-30- 40 yrs and after being out for 6months forget everything that they learn.

  I read both letters twice and in my view his letter represents every single thing that the wt has been preparing his mother to expect from someone trying to explain why they are LEAVING GOD AND HIS ORG.

  from the day that his mother started studing with jw till this past sunday , every meeting , talk, publications, etc has been training and indoctrinating her for the day that a love one stays up and says THE WT IS WRONG

  every single file: *.exe,-- *.dll, --*.bat in her database will kick in with full force-

  her training has been better than the NAVY Seals
  her reaction in my veiw will be almost an instinct reaction--

  I have often wondered why former jw after getting a letter like the one he has recieves want to try and "EXPLAIN" thier position?

  I guess for some they want to make a point, take a stand, rub something in thier face, etc

  but if the goal is to make the person stop and think in my exp and in talking to so many others this Methods often times yields the worst results

  He is about to continue the process in my view of taking "Her Shopping Cart"

  In my view the very best that he can AT THIS TIME is send her a note saying : I Love you mom-

  because what he is sending her is what she has been taught will be sent as it were for the last 50yrs she has been a JW.

  Many feel that he should not walk on egg shells and that is one way to look at it, but i perfer to look at it the way it actually is
  his mom is having her Shopping Cart taken away from her

  Personally I would not send THIS LETTER, but i would send a letter-

  If she feels this strongly- his CURRENT letter will do no good unless his goal is merely to TELL HER OFF

  IF THAT is his goal and i don't think it is- THEN HE MAY want to consider a different angle

  but HEY --this is America -you can do almost anything you want to

  just my 2

  james
• 

  JT

  here is a site that many have found that helps us as former jw to understand why "Trying to Explain" to family so many times is so difficult despite all our Efforts and documentation of what we are talking about

  http://www.csicop.org/si/2000-11/beliefs.html

  E
• 

  JT

  -Just a few paragraphs from this link

  -----------------------------------

  http://www.csicop.org/si/2000-11/beliefs.html

  Because a basic tenet of both skeptical thinking and scientific inquiry is that beliefs can be wrong, it is often confusing and irritating to scientists and skeptics that so many people's beliefs do not change in the face of disconfirming evidence. How, we wonder, are people able to hold beliefs that contradict the data?
  This puzzlement can produce an unfortunate tendency on the part of skeptical thinkers to demean and belittle people whose beliefs don't change in response to evidence. They can be seen as inferior, stupid, or crazy. This attitude is born of skeptics' failure to understand the biological purpose of beliefs and the neurological necessity for them to be resilient and stubbornly resistant to change. The truth is that for all their rigorous thinking, many skeptics do not have a clear or rational understanding of what beliefs are and why even faulty ones don't die easily. Understanding the biological purpose of beliefs can help skeptics to be far more effective in challenging irrational beliefs and communicating scientific conclusions.
• 

  Tina

  I have that article Jt,keep in mind this is merely an opinion. He offers no emprical evidence for this biology of belief. If I've missed the evidence that we are hard-wired for belief,please show me where to find it.Thanks,T

  Vive Bene
  Spesso L'amore
  Di Risata Molto!!!
• 

  larc

  Folks,

  I have walked on egg shells all my life. My wife and I get frustrated because we show more tact than our JW family members. However, we won. How? We still can talk to family and see them socially. This took a long time, in some cases, but it was worth the time and patience. I strongly reject the in your face approach. I might make you feel good, but at what price. Why win the battle and lose the war?

  Mulan, I am extraverted as Bill knows, but I have enough savy to know when to keep quiet. I like anewperson's basic short and sweet letter. Bill, pour lots of love on your mother and if you discuss anything else discuss only the child abuse issue and your desire to see things made right. I agree with Farkel, that saying any more than this can be used against you. Even if your mother doesn't pass it on, your strong letter will force her to take a strong position against you. Don't force her into that position. Give her a face saving line of retreat.

  JT, I most whole heartedly agree with you. When we are out, we ought to remember the skills we were taught when we were in.