Did you Exit the Witnesses Gradually - Or Exit Suddenly - Your Reasons ?

by flipper 66 Replies latest jw friends

  • lovelylil2


    After 3 months when not one elder spoke to him about the situation not even asking him if he needed any spiritual encouragement he decided to leave. He wrote a very short note saying only "I no longer want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses".

    Our marriage is good but it took a while to recover that is for sure. I feel bad in a way because it did hurt my hubby spiritually. He did not have a personal relationship with God only with the organization. I came out with faith intact, but he struggled a good few years. I can honestly say the past year (year 6) has been his best. I try to encourage him all I can.

    As far as church, I can take it or leave it. I attend an online church right now and occasionally attend another one. For me I am more concerned about my personal walk with Jesus then attending a man made church. I hate the fact that there are so many denominations out there. Personally I think we should be known by no other name that simply Christians. But on the other hand, I am not against anyone attending a brick and mortar church as long as you understand that the real "church" are the body of believers in Christ, not the building or denomination. And I do believe we need to gather together with fellow believers for support and encouragement.

    As for my husband attending church, he is totally against church organizations in any way. He simply will not attend any. Just recently I invited him to listen to the online church with me so that he will feel he has some spiritual upbuilding. He is used to being told he should be doing stuff and what to do, in the WT he was a MS and always had talks, etc. Now he doesn't know what to do with himself as far as spiritual activities. I asked him recently to help me with a ministry I will be starting up soon and at first I thought for sure he would say no but he said he would like to help. I pray for him to be spiritually healed and try to upbuild him in the faith as I would with anyone else. He is slowly advancing in the "real truth".

    As far as my two teens, they were very hurt spiritually and emotionally, having lost all their friends they knew since birth. And for now are not interested in church either. I do not push the issue with them at all. I am happy they still believe in God because believe me I would understand if they didn't. I really feel it has been harder on them having lived a lot of thier childhood in the tower. They were 91/2 and 11 1/2 when we left, in since birth. I think what did help was even though my hubby was a strong company man, you know what I mean? I was always more balanced. We used to argue a lot about this but I let my kids have more freedoms then most other JW parents did. Being raised on the outside helped. So I cannot fault my kids for their feelings in any way. And they are both very loving and kind children who would never hurt anyone. And I am proud of them for the way they are recovering. Peace, Lilly

  • Quandry

    lovelylil, you asked:

    How is your daughter doing now?

    After months of therapy, nightmares, and teeth grinding, and reassurance from her dad and me that these men were totally [email protected][email protected]&*S, she is better. She is in college now, and wants to be a Biologist.

    We wrote letter after letter to the WTBTS. They wrote back a letter that must have been written by lawyers. "Whether these men could have been kinder, WE CANNOT SAY." (Why not? Don't they write volumes on how elders should treat the sheep?) It was sickening.

    Yes, if only my husband had lurched across the table and planted a few good punches. He regrets deeply that he did not, but he was in such a state of shock at their actions, and kept thinking they would stop.

  • flipper

    LOVELYLIL 2- Thanks for the update on your husband and how you folks are doing . I'm glad to hear you have survived exiting the witnesses and moved on in life. I wouldn't be too concerned about your husband not wanting to attend a church or any other organized religion - I am the same way and I was an MS for 6 years too in the witnesses. Think about it - A person doesn't HAVE to be religious to be spiritual. I know plenty of agnostics or atheists who are VERY spiritual people because they by example display the qualities of Jesus - even etter than some who attend organized churches. So just be supportive to your husband for who and what kind of man he is- don't try molding or changing him. I'm sure he is a great guy as is. As regards your two children - the same thing . Remember you all exited a mind control cult 6 years ago - let your children explore their freedom of mind and explore what they want to do in college courses as regards their employment future. Don't control TOO much- remember we were ALL controlled in the witnesses. I wish you the very best in happiness with your family Lil.

    QUANDRY- Your comment about your husband wishing he had lurched across the table landing a haymaker on an elder brought back a memory for me too ! I also wished I had done that to the younger elder who told me I didn't take my marriage seriously if I was taking a female friend out to coffee 4 months after my druggie wife left me. We had gone through marriage counseling, everything - and this 30 year old elder is acting all wise and all knowing telling me this. I regret not giving him a black eye.

    NATHMEDEAH- Thanks. Yeah, I agree with you- I wasn't going to give these elders any more power over me than they had already tried to take. So I faded in 2003 - just stopped going and I've never been happier . I hope things have been the same for you. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • creativhoney

    I was DFd. - By choice. I chose to go to the elders and be unrepentant so the would DF me. when they asked what I felt I said I felt nothing. I refused to go into detail, when they asked if how I felt about how my sins had affected my relationship with Jehovah, I just said, I don't have one, so its not affected.

    what annoys me about fading - is not the people who fade, but the labelling attitude of the JWs, in a religion that they so claim to be based on principle. -a DFd person could be living an Amish existence, a fader partying like its 1999 but the JWs will mix with them because of the badge they wear.

    I am glad that people who fade can keep a relationship with their families, but I wish the JWs would wake up and realise how insane this concept is. - whats the difference really? Please?

  • flipper

    CREATIVHONEY- I'm glad you got your freedom finally. I do get the point you are making about faders who do all the DFing offenses and still associate with JW family and yet a DFed person could be living a monks life and yet get shunned. Very true. There is no difference really in a fader and a DFed person - just that a fader has drifted off the radar of the elders and the DFed person did not. The DFed person played the game - met with the elders, etc. but many faders just fade into oblivion - so as not to attract attention to themselves. To stay close to family still in.

    But don't paint all faders with the same brush. Many of us are NOT doing any DFing offenses and just want to stay close to JW family. I'm one of those. But I still see the point you were making

  • creativhoney

    Flipper, Hi, I dont have any grudge against someone who faded - everyone leaves in the best way for them - in my case If I hadnt been DFd my parents would have still lived in my house and kept control, -

    I really need to make this clear - my issue is not with anyone who has left, rather the insane differentiation process with which they treat people who leave.

    for example I am DFd my sister is not. we live in the same house, she has a boyfriend, Im single, bringing up two kids, - in the eyes of 'the truth' my sister is the one sinning, while Im just plodding along .. but she will be at the family gatherings and not me, - it makes her mad too.

    Im not annoyed at my sister, or any faders.. Im annoyed at the people who are too stupid to realise there is no difference - we all made a choice not to be in the org


  • flipper

    CREATIVHONEY- I agree. The witnesses system of shunning is hypocritical and wrong. It's horrible how they break families up. I'm sorry you have to deal with your situation you are going through. I'm sure it is tough and difficult to stomach

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