Need help-feel a bit confused.

QuestioningEverything

I am having a baby shower for my sister this Saturday. I have invited ALL of the family. Some are 'apostates'(myself included). My mom-the die hard JW is refusing to come. She is very hurt that I have chosen to have these people at the shower. I feel fine with my decision but feel terrible that I have hurt my mom's feelings.

If it wasn't for my mom, whom I love dearly, I would give a big F-U to the WTBS. I try to keep the religious conversations with her to a bare minimum. This baby shower has opened a door that I am not sure that I want to close all of the way. I really want to just tell her that I am done with the whole JW thing. But at the same time, don't want to alienate her. It sucks that I am having to make such a choice. Guess I just wanted to vent my frustrations at the situation but feel free to give me your thoughts.

Outaservice

Well, you might consider having 'two' baby showers. One you mom would be comfortable with and one for the so-called anti-JW's. Just a man's point of view.

Outaservice

IronHill

I can relate to how you're feeling. Isn't it horrible that this organization makes us choose on following rules and having friends, or living our life and losing our loved ones?

rebel8

Again, you are behaving in a normal, socially-acceptable manner. It's her choice not to attend, her choice to feel hurt about something that is inherently not hurtful.

It's unfortunate, yes, but it's outside your scope of control.

blondie

I'm confused. If you are "apostate" why would she come? What is your sister's "status" and how does she feel about the invitee list. This is for your sister and her feelings count most in my opinion. There is nothing stopping your mother from having another shower and inviting who she wants. I've been to more than one shower for the same person because of circumstances.

QuestioningEverything

Blondie-Mom doesn't know that I am "apostate". I havent' told her and everyday it's a battle to keep my true feelings in. My sister has never been baptised. My sister wants all of the family there. It was the intention to have two showers initially. I was going to have one at my house and my mom would have one at hers. Mom changed her mind and decided she didn't want to have it at her house - she lives in another city about 1 hour from me.

thomas15

Religion and faith matters aside, your Mother is trying to control you and your behavior. If you take the WT aspect out of the picture and your mom were trying to tell you who to invite to your party, one would think your mom was the kid and you were the adult.

Small comfort though given the seriousness of the matter and the long term effects this could have. The WT claims that it's policy re: apostates is designed to be an act of love. Why could not the reverse be true? Since the WT is a lie top to bottom and if you really agree with this acessment, then in my opinion, the loving thing to do is make it clear to your Mom that you and your sister love her, will always love her, want her in your lives and hope she stays in your lives but that you know who your friends are, what your religious beliefs are and cannot see why God would be upset with you if you invited your friends to your shower. Offer to have her come either before or after the apostate friends arrive so that they don't co-mingle. I don't mean to sound cold, but who is the shower for, your sister and her friends or your mom and her friends? The answer is of course your sister and her friends and if your mom doesn't see that then she has a complex emotional problem and you can tell her that I said so. Just kidding but you get my point.

blondie

Then your mom made the decision for herself.

Mom changed her mind and decided she didn't want to have it at her house - she lives in another city about 1 hour from me.

There is no reason why you should "adjust" to suit her. She had her opportunity to host a shower and invite whom she wanted (or whom your sister wanted). Your sister is not a jw so has no need to jump through their hoops. I would suggest to your mother that it is not too late to have her own shower at her house but that she is still welcome to come to this one.

I hate to see non-jws too play the jw game.

Blondie

journey-on

Keep it simple and don't be pulled into a big discussion about it. Tell her, in your opinion, this is "family business."

Just say you have prayerfully considered it and since there will be no spiritual discussions and it will be all about family celebrating the joy of a new member arriving, your conscience is very clear. But, you will understand if her conscience won't allow her to be there for the festivities.

(I have a feeling she just needs to object for show and she will be there and have a good time.)

OnTheWayOut

I really want to just tell her that I am done with the whole JW thing. But at the same time, don't want to alienate her. It sucks that I am having to make such a choice.

I think you are venting about the above words, not so much about the shower.
There are degrees of telling someone something. I have told my mother that I don't go to the meetings. That led to some questions, but she stopped short of really discussing whether it is "the truth" or not. My mother hinted that she might have to stop associating with me if I were to DA. She probably would not do that, but I don't rock the boat. So I know that I can be myself, but not discuss JW stuff or religion or beliefs. As long as I don't discuss that stuff, she acts normal.

Need help-feel a bit confused.

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