What's up to everybody? I've been lurking in the shadows of this forum for about 6 months or so. I'll try to be brief here, but I apologize in advance if this is not "brief enough" for you. Anyways I'm a 27 year old african american young man, I was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness. My grandparents on both sides became witnesses in the 40's, so my parents were also, and so am I...my dad became an elder in 1983 (when I was a year old), he was a P.O. (when it was called that), he still serves as an elder, and my mother pioneered for 10 years when I was 6 to 16 years old. About 75% of my family on both sides are witnesses so with this type of background, I never really questioned the religion that was handed down to me. Not until last year, long story short, I'm from Michigan, butmy girlfriend moved down south, so I followed, we got married in 2006 and everything was cool. But, even then I started to feel empty inside, I didnt feel the love from the congregation down here, but neither did I feel it back at home. I always ignored the imperfections of man, and just tried to "keep on pushing". I could tell numerous stories of b/s I didnt like or agree with from experiences of dealing with JW's but I'll save that for a later date, maybe. Anyhow I started researching alot of our teachings and the more I found out "the truth" wasnt the truth at all I became hungry for more knowledge. This was last year. I stopped for awhile, because I read some JW publications that made me think "I really am in the right religion after all". I even went to Bethel in June of this year in Brooklynn, Wallkill, & Patterson. After that "interesting" trip, I just felt I had to study again. So for the past 4 months I've made the decision to leave the organization. But I've come to a crossroads.
On one hand....I think of how beautiful it would be to finally be free for the first time in life, free from the gossip, free from the judgemental witnesses, free from trying to get "the national average" in hours, free to find my own path in life as a man. But then I look at my parents......I'm an only child and my parents are very close to me, despite the fact that we live 300 miles apart from each other, we are still very close. How can I not be a witness, this would break their hearts, especially seeing many of the people I grew up with "fall out of the truth", and the fact that I put my parents through hell as a teenager, always getting into some trouble with someone of the opposite sex. I dont want to make them suffer on my account any more. Disfellowshipping does not scare me, but I love my parents, and I love my wife, I could careless about all my other family and friends (knwo that sounds harsh) but those 3 are the closest people to me. My wife will for sure leave me, she's constantly pressuring me. "Sincere how come you don't go out in service often?! How come you're not a ministerial servant, how come you dont comment? How come you miss the meetings so much, why do you sit in the back? Why do you leave soon as the meetings over, are you reaching out?? Do you think you're a good spiritual head? How come you never want to hang out with other Witnesses??? ......and the list goes on...
So I'm stuck...point is I've found out so many faults with this cult, I'm convinced this is a cult, thanks to what I've read here, The Crisis Of Conscience book, and Combatting Cult Mind Control book, and countless other hours of library time and chillin on google.
I have a few reasons why I want to stay; they are:
Moses soley spoke for the Israelites, and when Aaron and Miriam questioned that authority Jehovah was upppset, am I wrong for thinking the Governing Body doesnt represent God for me???
Satan the Devil LEFT heaven, humans are known for expressions such as "Heaven must be like this" Well Satan he was already LIVING there and he left, not only did he leave, but he took others with them, even convinced angels who have no gender to wanna have sex with women, lol, so I'm like mannn maybe I'm no different than Satan for wanting to leave where I should already be....if that makes sense
Jehovah has always had a certain group of people whether large or small that were his people, could it be that Jehovah's Witnesses are those chosen people??
Jehovah's Witnesses follow the 1st century congregations when the apostles were alive, great right?
What if Armageddon comes, and the Witnesses were right, boy would I be an idiot right??
Add that to the reasons I already mentioned and you see why I kind of want to stay, but here's what's making me wanna get out fast
1914- I've researched this thoroughly pure crap if you ask me
All the false prophecies in the past, 1914, 1925, 1975, etc.
Raymond Franz leaving the Governing Body (but then again see my Satan example for staying)
607 BCE- FALSE
They say "EXERCISING faith in Christ's ransom" is doing alot for the WTS, that pisses me off, so bad that I get up 4 or 5 times a meeting to get some air, cause I feel like I'm gonna puke
"Faith without works is dead like the sea" so step your selling of Watchtowers game up
Charles Taze Russell was just crazy in all angles if you ask me, nobody wants to examine the evidence I present to my family, they just say read the Proclaimers book and sit down somewhere
Rutherford nother strange guy I dont like
The origins of the WTS are clearly "ridiculous" yet Witnesses are always examining the "origin" of something, birthdays, holidays, everything and finding a way to say we shouldnt do it
Lack of scriptural support for many organization policies, 'specially elders stuff
never allowed to do independent research
Everybody against the witnesses is apostates, so people that were witnesses, got molested, spoke about it, because nothing was done about it, are now apostates...riiiiiight, am I'm Michael Jordan
I'll stop there, but as you guys can see, I'm very conflicted here, I've been apart of this cult for 27 years!! It's all I know, from sitting outside of birthday parties as a kid to dont slow dance with that girl at a witness gathering, to you need to reach out as a married man, I'm up to my head in confusion with my feelings, but my thoughts are clear, I want out, I wanna fade out of this destructive cult, but I dont know where to start. I love my wife, I love my parents, but maybe....just maybe....as bad as its going to hurt, I'm going to have to start over in life without them.
*all comments are welcome*