Sad today

greenie

First, it feels so weird typing all this to strangers, but here goes anyway.

I suppose my JW had an epiphany recently because we had some really deep talks this weekend. He was very kind and calm about everything, but he basically said he's afraid I won't be happy in our life together because of his JW lifestyle. He says he knows a life with him isn't the one I pictured for myself and that he doesn't feel able to make the kind of compromises I would want or need to be happy. He still wants to get married and be with me always, but I need to decide if I could be happy in that life. He was very kind about all of this, not shoving it down my throat. I don't know what to do, but I definitely feel heartbroken right now.

Heaven

I am sorry you are feeling sad today. I know how you feel. Unfortunately for me, I had been married a long time before I had the courage to accept that what we both wanted wasn't in alignment. I had also been lied to about a number of things. My heart felt shattered.

You both need to know what you want in life, be truly honest about it, and decide whether that will work together or not. If he's a JW and wants to be 'zealous', and you are not, chances are, it will be tough, and may not work out. Maybe the 2 of you should take some time... be apart for a while... think things over. You might save yourself some grief up front if you take some time now.

It is better to call it off before you get married than after.

Chalam

Hi greenie,

Psalm 37:4-6 (New International Version)

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Blessings,

Stephen

iknowall558

Think long and hard. You may have children some day......is this the kind of life you want for them ? He will be the prime decision maker and may push ahead in bringing your children into this high control cult....whether you agree with it or not.

This may be his way of testing to see if you are willing to make sacrifices / compromises for him in order to stay together......

There will be so many things you will have to miss out on ....christmas, birthdays, ....etc.

He would never allow a blood transfusion if any of your children required it.......

You obviously love him, and he doesn't seem to be putting pressure on you to conform to his religion......but that may change. There is hope in the fact that he is going out with you in the first place when his religion requires he should marry only fellow believers. He has technically broken a rule........so there is some part of him that is still independant. You could get help from this board and other members to help you to question him on certain beliefs and teachings and plant seeds of doubt that could possiblly help him wake up to the truth of this organization.

I'm sorry you feel heartbroken and I wish you all the best in your relationship. x x

Guest with Questions

I have a dear friend who went through it. They had planned to marry but she finally realized that life would have been very difficult. He went back to the organization at the strong urging of his family and expected her to follow suit.

How can anyone bring children into a situation like this. It was a horrible time for her but she got through it with her faith in God and good friends. It is your decision but I hope you will seriously consider the problems that will arise. Unless you become a witness yourself it will be very difficult. A few have made the relationship work but for most it's a struggle.

Here's one of my favourite verses.

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

mrsjones5

At least he's telling you the truth.

cawshun

My daughter married a jw, she didn't think she would ever be one, but now she is a baptized jw. My grand-children are now being raised that way. They can't go to their friends birthday parties or have their own. They can't have Santa Clause, they can't go trick or treating... it goes on and on. Ask him about masterbation ( I feel its a healty way of learning about one's own body) they make it a big guilt trip, where they think they are failing Jehovah and like they can never measuer up. They can't have any thing to do with the government, saluting the flag, singing the national athem.

My grand-kids have to leave their class room when they have a birthday party for other kids, have their chirstmas party, haloween, valentines. At first it didn't bother them but my grand-son is 8 now and he want's to stay with his class during these holidays. The only thing that helps is both his parents teach and coach at the school, so they can go to their classroom during these things. I just hate it for them.

Ask him what the jw views are on your private sex life.

Then there is the blood issue, how you dress, if he can have a beard, if you can have worldy friends.

Ask about what music you can listen to, rock, country, ect....

Ask him about using slang words like, Oh Geeze, God Bless You,

They want to control ever aspect of your life, and when you can't measure up, they make you feel weak in your faith, your letting Jehovah down.

You may not believe like the witnesses but, they are taught all the time how to get control of your mind.

Think long and hard about these things, they are a very scary mind control group. If you choose it, that's one thing, your an adult, but if you have children with him, they will have no choice in being raised in a cult.

Best Wishes

wobble

I think already in a subtle way he is trying to put pressure on you to decide if you will join or not, and if not he may call things off.

Tell him you would be happier if he could prove to you that JW's are God's organization chosen by Him in 1919.(As they claim)

He will not be able to, and you may start him looking at his religion in an intelligent way for the first time.

Love

Wobble

yknot

PMd you......(hugs)

I know what he wants but what do you get in return?

A nice photo of a picture perfect family of three where one person's happiness and will is always above the others?

Perhaps he doesn't discern that is what he is proposing and a counselor can open his eyes.

I am sad too..... (hugs again)

At least he's telling you the truth.

Except it is after courting and starting a family with her while acting as a 'worldly'...........

(Grumble Grumble Mumble.....Yknot wants to smack the boy on the back of the head and remind him of his responsibility and accountability for the consequences of not being open and honest from the beginning..... and than to tell him to 'be a man' about the situation he created.)

greenie

Thanks everyone. I've posted here before with questions, but so you know, we actually already have a child.

Wobble - I don't think he's subtlely trying to find anything out. He knows and I've very bluntly told him that I would never be a JW. There is no question about it. He knows some mixed couples and knows it can work, but that's it's incredibly hard. The problem with our convo is that he basically said he didn't think he'd be able to compromise or be a sometimes JW and wanted me to know that and go into any marriage with my eyes wide open.

I guess my sadness today comes from the fact that whether you believe the religion or not, the people in it are real, and many of them are great people. I love him so much and am just very sad from our conversation. I always read on here how it tears families apart and now I'm actually experiencing it. In almost every other single way we are so compatible. I know some of you have experienced this and so are quick to say run, but when it's happening to you, it's really hard to do that. It's horrible. I am just so sad. I feel frustrated and defeated and nauseous.

Sad today

Psalm 37:4-6 (New International Version)

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