New here (page 5)

cantleave

Welcome to this forum.

Your story will strike a chord with many of us. You said

I still love Jehovah very, very much, although I'm not even sure whether he exists of not. Weird, isn't it?

Your right it is wierd, but as witness you have basically been told what to think and how to act all your life and after that, all free thinking is wierd - enjoy the wierdness, don't let the confusion distract you and open your mind to all possibilities, it's great!

finding my way

Nice to meet you Goldensky. Your words are much more eloquent than mine.

English is my first and only language, but I'm American so you know how that can be

I wish you the best and I think it's wonderful that you are doing what you feel is right despite the challenges of doing so. I understand how it may make you feel sad to let others down but in time they may come to similar conclusions as you and then they will understand.

I had a brother and a good friend leave before I had seen things for how they really were and I always wondered why. I Cried when I found out my friend had left and I was in a disfellowshipped state! She had been a pioneer and was always such a "good witness". I had strived to be like her and I just couldn't understand her choice and she didn't really explain a lot to me because she didn't want to stumble me. Eventually though, I understood.

Much love,

~fmy