As an outsider, we can never know what went wrong inside a marriage and I believe that it is the 2 people inside the marriage that make it or break it and not anyone outside so for that reason, I wouldn't condemn anyone who is disfellowshipped because of a marital breakdown. I might not agree with actions but I wouldn't think I know all the facts from any of those involved.
It sounds as if the couple shunned you once you were disfellowshipped and so if that is the case, how can you pledge your allegiance to the person who remains insde - if they shun you, they already think you are unworthy and have condemned you without mercy and by their actions, how can you know what they think or hear their side of the story? They won't let you.
If the person who has left the marriage is now disfellowshipped, why would you not speak to them and hear their side - depending on how strong your friendship was, the marital breakdown or actions may have little effect on you. You may choose to believe or disbelieve them and start your friendship new as people outside the organization. People coming 'out' are often in need of some support just from exiting the cult - I would see no need to refuse contact based on that context alone.
Once shunned by the organization and JW friends and family, it is always questionable as to how far many ex JW's will allow themselves to feel the same level of affection they had for the people while still 'in', as people are forced to face the facts that friendship ends at the word disfellowshipped and thus the basis of the friendship was never 'real'. There is always a level of hypocrisy when the shunner, for whatever reason, decides to accept you back into their lives..and we have to decide how much we overlook and how far we are wiling to extend our hand. sammieswife.
sammieswife.