ethical question - maybe you can help

by besty 42 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  wavvy

  Another thought: JWs believe that the only scriptural end to a marriage is if there has been infidelity. In my case my husband was an elder and had been abusive for years. When I left him the pressure to go back to him from all sides was pretty intense. I slept with another man in order to get that pressure off my back. In my confused and emotionally battered state it seemed the only escape.

  I do believe that marriage is sacred, but I think that if you still believe, as the JWs do, that there is no good reason for needing to get out of a marriage and that 'families' should never break up for any reason... then you are still caught in the mind-trap.

  In my opinion the reasons for the marriage breaking up are a private matter between the couple. Nobody else ever knows the truth about it. You should offer support to either party if asked for it. Both of them have suffered. However, if this person is still a Witness at heart you might want to limit your contact with them. After all, they could end up shunning you again after they go back. Offer your support, but wait and see where they are really at. You may have a chance to help them see that its really better on the outside. If they have cheated on their partner they are obviously wanting to find out about life on the other side anyway.
• 

  besty

  if they just need a buddy until their reinstatement, then they can go to the bar.

  LOL they'd prolly meet us there

  - you pretty much nailed the bases OTWO - thank you.

  baltar447 - you seem to be suggesting we don't support the 'cheater', yet we can;t support the wronged party as they won't speak to us. So we abandon this couple to the winds?
• 

  baltar447

  baltar447 - you seem to be suggesting we don't support the 'cheater', yet we can;t support the wronged party as they won't speak to us. So we abandon this couple to the winds?

  It's a tough call. I'd find out more about it. Can you provide support to the person without supporting their actions?
• 

  Scully

  I would personally try to limit association with someone as emotionally vulnerable as you described. They will need support, but that would be best handled by an impartial and objective professional (their workplace's Employee Assistance Program, for example) who has no prior knowledge of the couple or relationship with either party. That way, there is no perception on your acquaintances' parts that you are taking sides in their divorce proceedings, condoning wrongdoing, or lacking empathy for the JW innocent party based on their shunning of you.

  Once the marital situation has sorted itself out and you have a clearer idea of the individual's intentions (s/he is not contacting you with the idea that you are going to be their "anchor" during this crisis) then you could determine whether they are really exJW or merely DFd JW who still believes in the "rightness" of the religion before you welcome them into your circle of friends with open arms and hearts.

  I've gotten myself into a situation with someone via JWD who was quite emotionally vulnerable. The person became dependent on me in a very unhealthy way, imo - didn't respect my privacy or time constraints, started looking for me on other forums and using info gleaned there to post things here, etc. It's one reason why I keep my guard up here as diligently as I do.
• 

  besty

  Can you provide support to the person without supporting their actions?

  Most likely we can, which I can't resist the dig at the JW shunning policy, is more than 'faithful' Jehovah's Witnesses will do for them - they will be too busy gossiping with their righteous buddies and sticking their noses in the air.

  The good ones inside the WTS will be heartbroken and crying out to assist but are trapped in a prison of silence.

  Hopefully we can provide a third option.
• 

  The Almighty Homer

  Personally I wouldn't get close to anyone that got booted out of the JW empire, simply out of misconduct,

  they tend to be on bend to do all the things they weren't allowed before good or bad.

  You might get caught up in their misgivings.

  If they had left because they really saw the damage and the redundant ignorant waste of this religion , that might reveal something about their character

  that makes worthy of making an association with.

  I would reevaluate the situation after a couple of years and see where that persons head is at.
• 

  Satanus

  How long, do you think, before the person is reinstated and starts shunning you?

  S
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Suffice to say, we all as individuals have the power to look at each person, and treat them as individuals.

  I realize for the sake of discussion that we must generalize, but truthfully, we are hypothetically talking about exiting JW's? No, probably not BFF material, but like anyone who is undergoing a change, we can be a friend.

  A friend doesn't mean you enable bad behavior. Sometimes, a friend will tell a person what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. At that point, you know what kind of potential friend you may have.

  I am all for treating anyone you come across as they deserve. Some here have mentioned they wouldn't want a former JW as a friend at first. The good news is then, that is not a problem you will need to deal with. Your decision is already made.

  There is no template for who is in or comes out of JW's. The only small thing I personally am concerned about is the idea that ALL exiting JW's will merit the same treatment.

  I might have the wrong impression, and I apologize if that is the case. I can tell you, if any of my friends came to me, I would immedietely welcome them. I was not suspicious of most of my former compatriots. Like me, they were simply misled.
• 

  besty

  Scully - sounds like your conditional, hands-off approach has been shaped by your internet 'friend' trauma

  our hypothetical situation would involve a 'real' friend that we know personally
• 

  besty

  Personally I wouldn't get close to anyone that got booted out of the JW empire, simply out of misconduct, they tend to be on bend to do all the things they weren't allowed before good or bad. You might get caught up in their misgivings.

  sorry Homer - what does all that mean? Generalization is a terrible thing.

  If they had left because they really saw the damage and the redundant ignorant waste of this religion , that might reveal something about their character that makes worthy of making an association with. I would reevaluate the situation after a couple of years and see where that persons head is at.

  call me a friend whore but i'm not that precious with the rules of who can be my friend