Hey, My JW Wife Went to a Catholic Church Funeral

by OnTheWayOut 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • dissed


    It was my take, it was a 'conscience rule'. Something to judge others by which the JW's are so good at.

    To get in trouble, you would have to do some sort of worship. like take communion.

  • wantstoleave

    Its like the putting flowers on a gravestone thing. Some JWs do, others dont. It wouldnt bother my conscience putting flowers at someones grave, but other JWs cant bring themself to. Some dont even visit the gravestone. They figure the person is dead, so no point visiting. I think alot comes down to conscience...and so it should. We are not all the same, though Im sure they'd like us to be.

  • lepermessiah

    Its nice to hear of people who still put love and compassion for others over fear of going against Big Brother or others in the congregation.

    I respect peoples' conscience in many of these manners, but unfortunately many condemn others along the way.

    Hopefully that is another step in the right direction!!

    When questioned over similar decisions I have made in that situation, I simply would say "I felt it was the Christ-like thing to do" - that usually shuts people up, since they really cant argue that point.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Thanks, everyone.

    You should have went with her..

    She heard of this near the last minute and I had already planned on going to the BRCI Conference nearby where Barbara Anderson was speaking.
    I told her of my plans and then she told me of hers. If she knew sooner, her conscience might have been battling on whether she should go or not. I pretty much always go to things non JW-related with her if I think it's good exposure to "the world."

    It was my take, it was a 'conscience rule'. Something to judge others by which the JW's are so good at.
    To get in trouble, you would have to do some sort of worship. like take communion.

    Dissed is correct. However, they make it pretty clear that your conscience should only allow you to go if your spouse is not a JW or something similar. They make it clear to elders and pioneers that they should really be an extreme example and try their damndest not to go. I went to family funerals and never told the other elders what I was doing. It's not that I would have gotten in trouble (because it is a conscience matter) but my qualifications as an elder could have been challenged. (HEY, there's one for OPEN MIND to consider- funerals in the church.)

    How many weeks premature was the baby?

    I don't know for sure how premature it was. The wife said it was under 3 pounds. That it was an open casket and looked like a little doll.

    I simply would say "I felt it was the Christ-like thing to do" - that usually shuts people up, since they really cant argue that point.

    I like that answer.

  • AdaMakawee

    I have heard of someone getting DF'd for this, so no wonder people keep it on the down-low. Good for your wife, though, shows some independence, perhaps just a glimmer of hope, I hope this is just the first of many hopeful signs.


  • wantstoleave

    Ada really? That's awful! How can someone be DF when their personal conscience allows something? Attending a funeral doesn't go directly against the teachings does it? Maybe I need to do more research lol.

    That baby must have been so small, poor little thing. I've seen one premature baby that was born at 20wks, was so sad :( It was a loving thing your wife did, showing her friend that she cared enough to pay her respects :)

  • leavingwt
  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    They say it is up to your 'conscience' ,but then if you have priviledges in the hall you could be penalized for choosing to attend !

    My Father in law is an Elder, and when my MIL's sister died the funeral was in the Catholic Church .They sat out in the parking lot waiting to follow the funeral to the burial site because Yeaah that was the 'right' example didn't want anyone to be stumbled .Whatever .

    That was a light bulb moment for me as to just how manipulative the religion really was on people .

    Oh and did you know you could also lose position if you are a pall-bearer at a relatives funeral if the service is done by a minister other than JW ! My husband was told he should Not be a pall bearer for my Grandmother because of this stupid reasoning .....if a minister is giving the service being a pall bearer means you are in agreement with his preaching which we all know is from the 'devil' .....God why did I believe this crap and allow them to pressure us into agreeing ,when in our hearts we knew it was the wrong thing to do .

  • blondie

    This is considered a conscience matter as long as you don't participate in any of the religious rituals. Of course, the WTS uses the "stumble card" if someone saw you going into a church.

    *** w02 5/15 p. 28 Questions From Readers ***

    Would it be advisable for a true Christian to attend a funeral or a wedding in a church?

    Our taking part in any form of false religion is displeasing to Jehovah and must be avoided. (2 Corinthians 6:14-17; Revelation 18:4) A church funeral is a religious service that likely involves a sermon advocating such unscriptural ideas as the immortality of the soul and a heavenly reward for all good people. It may also include such practices as making the sign of the cross and joining in prayer with the priest or minister. Prayers and other religious exercises contrary to Bible teaching may also be a part of a religious wedding ceremony held in a church or elsewhere. Being in a group where everyone else is engaging in a false religious act, a Christian may find it difficult to resist the pressure to join in. How unwise to expose oneself to such pressure!

    What if a Christian feels obligated to attend a funeral or a wedding held in a church? An unbelieving husband, for example, may urge his Christian wife to be with him on such an occasion. Could she join him as a quiet observer? Out of regard for her husband’s wishes, the wife may decide to go with him, being determined not to share in any religious ceremonies. On the other hand, she may decide not to go, reasoning that the emotional pressure of the circumstances could prove to be too much for her, perhaps causing her to compromise godly principles. The decision would be hers to make. She definitely would want to be settled in her heart, having a clean conscience.—1 Timothy 1:19.

    In any case, it would be to her advantage to explain to her husband that she could not conscientiously share in any religious ceremonies or join in the singing of hymns or bow her head when prayer is offered. On the basis of her explanation, he may conclude that his wife’s presence could give rise to a situation that might be unpleasant to him. He may choose to go alone out of love for his wife, respect for her beliefs, or a desire to avoid any embarrassment. But if he insists that she go with him, she might go as a mere observer.

    Not to be overlooked is the effect our attending a service in a religious building might have on fellow believers. Could it injure the conscience of some? Might their resistance to avoid engaging in idolatry be weakened? "Make sure of the more important things," admonishes the apostle Paul, "so that you may be flawless and not be stumbling others up to the day of Christ."—Philippians 1:10.

    If the occasion involves a close fleshly relative, there may be additional family pressures. In any case, a Christian must carefully weigh all the factors involved. Under certain circumstances he or she may conclude that no difficulties would arise from attending a church funeral or wedding as an observer. However, the circumstances may be such that by attending, the likely injury to one’s own conscience or to that of others would outweigh the possible benefits of being present. Whatever the situation, the Christian should make sure that the decision will not interfere with his preserving a good conscience before God and men.

  • wantstoleave

    Wow about the pall bearer thing! My relatives (baptised) were both pall bearers at a relatives funeral, in a catholic church. They never got in trouble, though I don't think they advertised it. But still, I did not know it was a DF offence. How unchristian!

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