Help - am I on the fence??

by wantstoleave 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • designs

    CTR had his goofy ideas but he was small potatoes in comparison to nut cakes like Calvin, Luther and the other trinitarian monsters that have come along......Wingtip guys with Vampire capes.

  • AGuest

    May you have peace!

    The comments on this thread might help:

    Peace to you!

    A slave of Christ,


  • BabaYaga

    Hi again, Hon, something you said really stood out to me.

    I love my parents dearly. I dont want to see them hurt. I know how my brother leaving has hurt them and continues to hurt them. I guess Ive always done things to make others happy. Ive never done anything for ME. Now is no different. Im still thinking of others *sigh*

    Okay, first of all, your brother isn't hurting your parents. As I understand it from what you have said about him thus far, he is just a good man who left the Watchtower Publishing Corporation, and is doing nothing wrong, but just wants to live a normal life. Is this true? So then, why are your parents hurt, and why do they blame their hurt on your brother, who is a good man? Because they are blinded and mind-controlled by needless and very harmful dogma that isn't true. Your brother isn't hurting your parents. They have chosen the path and thus they are hurting themselves, and by this they are also hurting your brother and you by making it rediculously difficult to find your own truths. Yes, that's right, they are the ones who are hurting your brother and now you!

    It is therefore up to you and your brother to find healing, and to rise to a point where life is so good, your parents' opinions only hurt residually. There are very few who can get past a parent's rejection completely. A parent's rejection of a good and loving child is a horrible, shameful thing. This is what "love" is shown by "Jehovah's Faithful Witnesses".

    Do you really think that makes Jesus or Jehovah happy in the slightest?

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Welcome to the real world.

    It's scary.

    It's exciting.

    It's ambiguous.

    We'll help you get used to it.


  • KW13

    the fence is not such a bad place.

  • QuestioningEverything

    WELCOME- You are at the right place! Many of us here have been where you are at and have found peace in our life. I was just as you are a little over a year ago-unsure, guilt ridden due to my inactivity, busy with everday life. I stumbled across this site and my whole life was changed. I NEVER doubted any thing I had been taught as a JW. When I discovered the "truth" was not the truth, I was devastated. It felt as if a loved one had died. I cried for days, then eventually, I got really mad that I had been decieved. Also, that I had a lot of loved ones who were still be lied to-my mom, in-laws, long time friends.

    I read as much information as I could on this site and another site called JW Facts. They were so helpful. I also read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. I learned more than I could ever imagine. You are wise to question everything you have ever learned. Don't feel bad, for having doubts, their own teaching encourage non-JW's to research anything that potential believers to question whatever they are being taught. One who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. If it is really the truth, why would they discourage their members to not look into researching their religion?

    I understand you not wanting to hurt your family but you must do what is best for you and your babies. It has been wonderful to not have the guilt of never doing enough spiritually, to spend more time with my family doing normal stuff, to celebrate holidays (they are so fun).

    I wish you well on your journey to discover the truth about this religion. You will feel so much relief in the long run!!

  • csp2033

    Dear Fence:

    I stopped believing a few yrs ago. But i have a fanatically convinced wife & a precious 5 yr old. I can't confide in my wife or she'd leave me & then i'd lose my chance to be involved in my child's life on a daily basis. So my point is stand tall, fake it, be tough & stick with the program for now. If you leave the org your kids will lose the chance to be around your sis & folks. So keep going thru the motions just don't force your kids, be a "weak" witness & you'll have the best of both worlds. 1) You'll still be approved by the org so that your fam can still talk to you & your kids & 2) you won't have totally brainwashed your kids, you will have exposed them to the "truth" and when they are old enough they can make their own choices!

    I know what you are going thru (kind of), Chuck

  • BabaYaga

    Hello and welcome to the forum, csp2033, aka Chuck!

    This is a very good place to be, you'll get support and be able to vent here.

    Not to put you on the spot, and I'm sorry if you feel this is too personal, but have you decided what you will do if the blood issue comes up? Gods forbid, but you must be prepared.

    We're glad you're here. Many here are mentally out but physically in, as you are.


  • MissingLink

    Two years go I was where you are now Chuck. Tough spot. The problem is that you're taking the EASY road for YOU, NOT your KIDS! Following this route they absolutely are not going to have the "best of both worlds". You're going to be limiting your children's experiences. Maybe not directly, but they're going to be at those meetings, hearing the "reminders" to not have friends on the outside, to not participate in sports, to not get an education! Fear and guilt does have a huge effect on them. What happens when they're 18 and decide they don't want to be JW. All of their friends will turn on them. They will find themselves in the same trap that you are in now. For the sake of your kids, you really need to break the cycle and get them out of that cult. And I know you say your wife is fanatical, but she CAN be brought out too. Get yourself a copy of "Combatting Cult Mind Control", it helped me to help my wife.

  • wantstoleave

    Wow thanks everyone :)

    Ill try and answer as much as I can....

    Baba you make great points, you're right, my brother is NOT hurting my parents. They just think he is. Yes, he is a VERY good human being. Everyone loves him, he is such a lovely person. He leads a very wholesome life.

    As for the blood issue, I have not thought about it to be honest. I dont think Im that far ahead But I do remember when one of my children was very sick as an infant, and the blood issue coming up. I was crying to my mum about the possibility of us losing baby. She said to me 'you do what YOU need to do...dont worry about anything. It can be sorted out later'. In other words, she was telling me 'if you want baby to have blood - do it'. I sense that my mum has always been somewhat on the fence.

    Some news for you all :)

    Today I was whinging to my parents about being in 'limbo' because I am not scripturally free. My mum was agreeing with everything I said. Dad had his head bowed. He is a humble man, doesnt like to rock the boat. I guess I started sounding too critical of the 'rules' we must follow regards divorce etc because dad piped up 'I cant save you. You may as well hand in your resignation now because you're dead'.

    He didnt say it meanly. I think he said it out of fear. Like he knows no better. 'The truth' has been his life for so long, he cant be criticised for knowing no other words. Mum told him She said he was jumping to conclusions, that I wasnt leaving. I just sat there shaking my head.

    I told them both some of the experiences from this site (but didnt mention where I got the info) and mum was ropeable. She said how the organisation is so geared towards men. We all know this to be true. I think my mum knows Im on the fence. The other day she was telling a sister how she's already lost one child and doesnt want to lose another, and that she's scared I'll be next. Plus she's been the one Ive confided in in the past when Ive had doubts. I suspect it is a burden for her, worrying about me. But as has been brought out, who are we really kidding? Only ourselves.

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