Question for Faders.....

by lepermessiah 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • lepermessiah

    Did you all start getting the "full court press" from "friends" to start doing more things socially as you began your fade?

    I havent been invited to do a whole lot the last few months, but now all of a sudden I am getting phone calls and invites to do things. Fortunately, it hasnt been - "hey lets go out in field service" or anything like that since I would tell them to take a hike (which at this point means make myself busy at work or otherwise) , but I can already tell I am going to start getting some other invites. My wife has already been rattling off a bunch of names of people lined up to do things with us......

    Some of the people I consider friends, but then again there is always that line as to where the conversation is going to go. Plus, many of these friendships I feel have been conditional based on my level of "spirituality"........I wonder how many friends will be left standing once this is all done. A true friend is someone that I can be honest with and is going to love and respect me regardless of my feelings toward Big Brother.

  • zombie dub
    zombie dub

    no the opposite, invited to less and less - after a month or so, completely left out/shunned

  • cantleave

    The tactic is quite normal. You are obviously spiritually weak and you need help. Get some of your friends to meet with you socially see how the ground lies. If after a couple of attempts you do not repsond, they will limit asscosiation and the Elders will monitor you and if they can be bothered may even give you shepherding call. It sounds like your fade is going well. Keep us posted, it is encouraging for us other faders on here.

  • alanv

    I to have faded and for a long time I didn't contact my best friend in the org, then my witness son got married. He invited my best witness friend and his wife. Straight away my friend started asking why I left, so I told him. We had a really good chat and he said we must keep in touch and I gave him my email address ( he couldn't remember his). I said great and if you don't want to talk about the org that is fine. I have waited and waited but nothing. I am afraid once you tell a witness you disagree with the gov. body that is it. It doesn't matter how close you were you are now a leper to them.

  • bluecanary

    It's possible the invites are genuine. I didn't fade (I just fell off the face of the earth) so I didn't directly experience this, but here's what I did experience: In one hall, I was very often excluded from the activities of my peers. I was an uberwitness at the time and I couldn't understand why they did this. My brother, OTOH, was very popular. Now that I'm out, I've found out from him that, even though these people were definitely JW believers, they were a lot more liberal than I was. I would have pitched a fit at some of their activities and attitudes. If I relaxed my strict adherence to the WTS, I probably would have been invited to a lot more.

  • lepermessiah

    Keep us posted, it is encouraging for us other faders on here....

    I will for sure. Thanks to you and all of the others - I appreciate having a place to come and discuss these things. I made a comment to my wife the other day "god, this is like being in the mafia, you cant leave".....I thought she was going to choke me but then she cracked a smile.....LOL!

    This experience reminds me of my theme song right now - Watching the Wheels by John Lennon. Someone had a thread going on this and I thought of this song right away.

    Was John fading when he wrote this????? hahahaha

    People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
    Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
    When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
    Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

    People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
    Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
    When I tell that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
    Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?

    I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
    I really love to watch them roll,
    No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
    I just had to let it go,

    People asking questions lost in confusion,
    Well I tell them there's no problem,
    Only solutions,
    Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,

    I tell them there's no hurry...
    I'm just sitting here doing time,

    I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
    I really love to watch them roll,
    No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
    I just had to let it go.

  • IronHill

    I have experienced the opposite. The more time i have been faded, the more everyone that was a friend has forgotten about me. But such is's hard at first because well you really dont have "worldly" friends to replace the witness ones. But it gets better with time...

  • SnakesInTheTower

    oh people are avoiding me like the plague.... I get a few phone calls from time to time..mostly to attempt to "encourage" me.... (err.... probably they were sitting's office, in line, etc...bored...scrolling through their phone...see my

    but no invites to do anything... no surprise....hell, I was an elder, regular pioneer, MTS grad and I didnt get many why should I get any now that I am a flaming apostate... soon to have a jack-o-lantern on my front porch

    Since I dont have a wife that is a JW (thank goodness toni doesn't go for that stuff...6pm Mass for her on sunday sometimes).... and my JW mom is out of state...I don't have that kind of pressure...

    If you like the people...go....if they bring up JW stuff.... either tell them you dont want to talk about it... or act interested...nod appropriately..... grunt occasionally...try not to roll your eyes... its all good.

    Snakes (rich )

  • OnTheWayOut

    I have experienced the opposite. The more time i have been faded, the more everyone that was a friend has forgotten about me.

    I had the opposite also, but it took awhile. There were some invites along the way. Fading is not just from meetings, but also from social gatherings. But you can decide which ones to attend and how fast to fade from them. If you enjoy some gatherings, go. If you feel too much pressure at the gatherings to "come back to Jehovah" then you know how often you might want to skip these gatherings.

    I went to a gathering or two, but then stopped. After I was faded completely from meetings, people told my wife how they missed me. I told her to tell them to call the same cell phone number that they already knew and set up a lunch, I would be glad to meet them. None of them ever called. If they did, I would have met them in a social situation, but that would be just one or two at a time.

  • undercover

    As my inactivity increased, my social contact with dubs decreased.

    With the exception of a couple of closer "friends", I was excluded from all things social.

    There are still, to this day, a couple of dubs that I do see from time to time and have a pretty pleasant relationship with. No mention of meetings, service, Armageddon or anything JW.

    You're right about one thing...the vast majority of "friendships" in the JW setting are conditional. As long as you're at meetings, share in service, then everything is rosy and everyone has a grand old time. But as soon as you become irregular or inactive, the social invites start to dry up and your so-called friends start to avoid you.

Share this