Dealing with a 'molested child' in a Judicial matter.

by dissed 38 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  TweetieBird

  That is so sad! But what's even sadder is that this whole thing is repeated over and over again. How many people get disfellowshipped each year because they are weak but not wicked. The whole disfellowshipping thing is wrong on so many levels.

  As believing witnesses we were all guilty of perpetuating this obscene practice by going along with the shunning part of it. I think we all can look back and regret treating disfellowshipped ones badly because we were doing what we thought was right at the time.

  Please don't beat yourself up too badly for this. I agree with the other poster, if you can track this girl down and apologize it would be good.
• 

  dissed

  I want to apologize to all of you for making such a serious post so late in the evening and also for doing it when I had no allowed coments left to answer your thoughts.

  Just a little more to help clarify.

  This happened in the mid 1990's. Shortly after, about a year and half later, my wife and I left the JW's, moved out of the area, and of course lost contact with that congregation.

  She never came back to any of the meetings while I was still there.

  Apologizing?

  Having had a first-hand experience how deep the scars of molestation can be, I would worry that a card or letter could re-open some very deep wounds in her. She may be very happy now with life on the outside of the WTS. I wouldn't want to bring back to her so much hurtful memories.

  As AK-Jeff said, I shared this as a warning to others, what this org. does to people. We and others who have done hurtful things are just a product of their teachings.

  I'm hoping as some stated, that this was good for her, leaving the JW's. She was NEVER going to get the help she really needed if she stayed, only ostrasizism.

  What she needed from us, was 'unconditional love', that's all. And we were not permitted to give it.

  Someday, maybe I will run into her. And maybe she will let me talk to her. And maybe she will let me hold and hug her. Something we should have done 14 years ago.
• 

  JWoods

  She never came back to any of the meetings while I was still there.

  The Lord works in mysterious ways. At least some good probably came of it.
• 

  Big Tex

  Apologizing?

  Having had a first-hand experience how deep the scars of molestation can be, I would worry that a card or letter could re-open some very deep wounds in her. She may be very happy now with life on the outside of the WTS. I wouldn't want to bring back to her so much hurtful memories.

  I think that's the right call. I wouldn't want an elder from 20 years ago contacting me.

  What happened, happened. I think it takes guts to face a mistake head on. Good for you.

  Chris
• 

  feenx

  I can see both sides. I agree that it is certainly the safer route to take in not contacting her. Everyone deals with their trauma differently. My cousins completely deny and deflect. As we all know this only works to a certain degree, and after a while hardly at all. I on the other hand was forced to face my sh*t, and in adult life have continued to do so, and in that vein had I gotten, or even now, some type of apology from my JC elders, even just an admittance of mis-handling, let alone an apology, it would certainly brighten my day and make me feel just that much better about the world and this life.

  But I am also a firm believer in the power of the universe, and if some kind of contact and/or opportunity for an apology needs to happen, than I have no doubt it will.
• 

  BluesBrother

  I have often looked back with regret over some all of the Judicial cases that I shared in. I realise now that I was creating all manner of hardship for some families that were torn apart as a consequence of our decision to disfellowship. Of course we put all the blame onto the "erring one" , but I still feel bad.

  Thankfully I never had to deal with a case of child abuse . Thinking back to the nineties, was it not mandatory at that time to inform Bethel of any known abuser in the cong? They were compiling the infamous Paedophile List.

  You have my empathy, dissed...Sadly we cannot change now what we did in that past
• 

  jam

  Never on a judicial committee for child molested, but involve in one sad and unforgettable death of a

  young child due to the blood issue..This happen over 23yrs. ago.I was the elder ask to give support to

  the family because there was some complication with the birth of of a newborn. The child was two weeks old.

  The father had just become a JW, but his wife was rasied as one..The father call me to give support. When I

  arrive , her mother and A sister if she was a man she would have been A C. Overseerer.The first thing

  out of this sister mouth they want to give the baby blood, we can not do this. I talk to the dr. and he told

  me the baby will die without blood.I pull the father aside and told him this should be your decision

  what you and your wife decide , this is your child..I should have made it clearer.. I perform the funeral for

  the baby..It makes me sick when I think of the child ..We were criminals in that org..
• 

  JoJoJones

  The things the WTBTS gets people to do! Please don't be so hard on yourself. Elders are conditioned to be kind of stony hearted. It's terrible, but it's not really their fault, I don't think. The WTBTS is responsible in the long run, not the elders. It is such a shame the decisions elders often make. It really sounds as if you and the other elders felt compassion for this girl and that you were all truly torn about the decision to make regarding her. Please forgive yourself. You wanted to do the right thing and were led to believe that disfellowshipping was the right thing to do, even though you and the other elders agonized over it. So, you all really, truly cared about this girl and wanted to do right by her. It is so sad that elders think disfellowhipping is the right thing to do, which causes people's lives to be destroyed. Shunning is a horrible thing, and it is definitely a sign of a cult. I would love for this cult to implode! All the lives that have been damaged. It is outrageous! Just please don't be so hard on yourself. You were caught up in a cult, and once people are hooked into a cult their thinking abilities are actually kind of warped I think, and it's not their fault!
• 

  JoJoJones

  The things the WTBTS gets people to do! Please don't be so hard on yourself. Elders are conditioned to be kind of stony hearted. It's terrible, but it's not really their fault, I don't think. The WTBTS is responsible in the long run, not the elders. It is such a shame the decisions elders often make. It really sounds as if you and the other elders felt compassion for this girl and that you were all truly torn about the decision to make regarding her. Please forgive yourself. You wanted to do the right thing and were led to believe that disfellowshipping was the right thing to do, even though you and the other elders agonized over it. So, you all really, truly cared about this girl and wanted to do right by her. It is so sad that elders think disfellowhipping is the right thing to do, which causes people's lives to be destroyed. Shunning is a horrible thing, and it is definitely a sign of a cult. I would love for this cult to implode! All the lives that have been damaged. It is outrageous! Just please don't be so hard on yourself. You were caught up in a cult, and once people are hooked into a cult their thinking abilities are actually kind of warped I think, and it's not their fault!
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  I'm sorry, man. I wish I had it in my heart to forgive this kind of thing, but speaking as someone who was DF'd in a similarly legalistic way, at the time in my life when I desparately needed my family more than anything else in the world...

  This bullshit very nearly claimed my life, not that I didn't try, and it led to such a painful set of circumstances and recovery that I have had more than one person tell me they had no idea how anyone could have survived. Well, I know you're in pain, but "I was just following orders" didn't work at Nuremburg and it don't work here.

  J