Ive done it 4 years and counting. I was lucky in that my wife has found a way to be happy with me as I am and is not so gung-ho about JWism that it keeps her from being loyal to me. It's kind of touch-and-go with my mom, but that's to be expected.
can you really ever fade with immediate family still in?
I stopped attending all meetings about 3 months ago but it hasn't entailed any drama at home. Children have long stopped attending, my wife still goes, when she feels for. I give her a lift to the KH, collect her at the end unless she prefers taking the bus with a few sisters, I say hello to JWs I come across, as simple as that. Can't see a problem there.
You can fade, but it does take sacrifices. Snakes said it right. If you love someone, you will make sacrifices for them. You don't get everything the way you want it and they don't either.
I used to be unable to attend the hall because it really upset me. Now, I could probably go and just visit and be polite as bythesea said. I haven't been but once in years.
Other than holidays, I probably do pretty much as I want. I see that as a sacrifice I am still willing to make to keep peace.
Only you, Oompa, can decide what you are willing to sacrifice for those you care about. I know when I started to fade, some thought I was going through a middle-aged crisis. It wasn't that at all for me, but it is worth considering.
Thanks guys...but i can not respond to all flipper style right now......but undercover....you are a bit out of the loop.....i had not been to a meeting for a long time, but went a very few including the last memorial after missing the one before that which is a deathnell.....so then all hell broke lose since i was a ragin apostate for a couple of years......
i have been VERY clear i will never go back to any meeting again....including to my elders/thought were/friends.....so ya to wife and son too.....they know for sure........i will try to respond to many later since many know...and others need to know the possible different roads this can take........oompa
Simply tell them not to bother you again..
I did it.....It Works..
outlaw...you were carryin a 12 gauge shot gun...right???.........oompa
of course they would not bother you again!!!
Just 200lbs of pissed off,telling them not to return..
I told them to tell the rest of the elders,the same thing..
I can be very perswasive..LOL!!
i will never go back to any meeting again
The most successful fade is a disappearance. Ya, the Memorial can upset that. So you are already in a total fade.
If it makes you feel better, many have kept quiet instead of telling family their true feelings- just to prevent shunning.
Those that chose to pull the pin on a hand-grenade and run away while everything exploded in their family- well, it worked for some but not for all. I think you would know if that were the right solution. But keep in mind that any doubt leads to self destructive behaviour. If you aren't ready to pull the pin, then do nothing of the sort.
With family still in it makes a successful fade difficult. I only have my wife and in-laws still in. Both kids have left about the same time I did. I had one thinking of returning but the other day she reassured me that she had no intention of returning to face a DF. Whew!! I feel better about that. My wife is not a hard core dub so that makes it easier and she seems to be accepting me for who I am and I am pleased with that but it is not like it was before we were dubs.
Sure, there has been times that I wanted to run the fluck away and start over but I do love my wife and I really do not want to hurt her feelings. Nor do I want to hurt my kids' feelings. So, as long as it is working for her it works for me.
As for the in-laws, if they ever wanna talk about my reasons for leaving I am willing to discuss it. I'm just waiting for the opportune moment. They haven't abandoned me but they do keep their distance.
I have jw family still in but I don't maintain any contact with them.
That's pretty much how it is with me, too. How successful your fade is depends largely on how much contact you choose to have with your JW family. Mine has been successful, because for the most part I've been able to avoid dealing with them, and the inevitable questions that would entail. I've often wondered if that defeats the purpose of fading as opposed to DAing myself.