Walk Away Quietly, Go Out with a Bang, Protest, Disappear- What's Best?

by OnTheWayOut 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    There are many different things that each of us deal with, but the biggest reasons most come here is for support in their own lives and in dealing with the JW's in their lives. So many are lurking or new here, so maybe they need to hear why some of you chose the path you chose.

    For each of us, the decisions on how to leave the WT are our own. I fast-faded and don't look over my shoulder worrying about the elders trying to trap me because my wife doesn't spy for them. I didn't DA or get DF'ed because my mother would honor the shunning. So I do as I need to do but keep a bit quiet about it.

    Personally, I would DA if my mother was "out" and I may or may not DA when she passes away (more than 20 years from now). Some say that's playing by their rules, but I would like closure. I found some of my own by renouncing my baptism. So for me, fading away was the best choice.

    Others, please tell us why you DA'ed or walked away or got DF'ed or whatever. Help others to see that others did it, we have choices. You can try to "sell" your way of leaving or just share a quick story as I did in the few sentences above.

  • AllTimeJeff

    For me, my circumstances as a Gilead grad and the attacks I suffered as a missionary really precluded a quiet fade. My ex wanted (still does) in the worst way to go back to Africa. I had an uphill climb, and to learn of the lies, and how believing these lies hurt people by the tens of thousands caused me resign, burn down the bridge, and not look back.

    For me, because I still love all my old friends, I was also scared that I would be tempted to go back and live a lie because of my strong feelings. (I am a bit emotional that way) So I did the best proactive thing I knew how, I resigned, put out as much out there about me and my life as I felt I could, and bang, at least it has been a clean break.

    Thats just one persons story, and in no way meant to disrespect those that have had to fade.

  • darkl1ght3r

    I was attempting the slow fade, and it was going fairly well. I was about to completely stop going to meetings when everything blew up. I had an opportunity to continue to fake it, but I would have been miserable, and my family would have eventually shunned me anyway when they realized I wasn't making progress. Those close to me would have probably kept the elders updated on my day to day activities. My life would've been similar to that of a lab rat. Spending most of my time locked in a cage, being poked and prodded and tested, and forced to perform ridiculous activities for the amusement of my captors.

    So after alot of thinking and hysterics... I worked up the courage to make a clean break and let them DF me. I desperately needed closure. I wanted no ambiguity on where I stood, and needed to be free of all the lies and charades. So I told them I would not renounce my views, and that was that. I was DF'd and never looked back. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  • Finally-Free

    I was just going to stop going to the meetings and get on with my life. The elders weren't content to let me go quietly. Instead they kept phoning and knocking on the door - once so hard I thought the glass would break, so I went out and blew up at them, telling them if they came back they would leave in an ambulance. I meant it too. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me in my own home. Soon after they followed my truck in 2 vehicles while my ex was driving, probably thinking I was in it. They aborted their chase when they boxed her into a construction area, nearly causing an accident. They left without a word when they saw who was driving. She called me at work right after, yelling at me and demanding to know what nefarious activity I was involved in that could provoke such a chase.

    That's when I wrote a letter which included an itemized list detailing how fucked up they are along with a stern warning to stop tresspassing on my property or attempting to communicate with me in any way.



    It`s different for everyone "Little Toe" went out with a bang..You can read about it in his posts..

    That was probably the best "Going out with a Bang" that I know about..

    I simply walked away..

    I got one visit..I told the elder to tell the rest,not to bother me again..


  • leavingwt

    There is no right or wrong way to exit. Just get the hell out!

  • wobble

    I have faded,last meeting just after Memorial 2008,my whole family ,is in, including my 89 year old mum,when she is gone,we shall see.

    At present I can see no problem with a fade for me,the Dubs when I see them in the street stop and talk and are friendly enough,just no mention of religion,suits me.

    I had the 2 Elder visit with the loyalty question,just let that hang in the air,until one elder got embarrased at the silence and started to waffle and I led him along another path. Not a squeek since.

    Love Wobble

  • flipper

    OTWO- There is no right or wrong way to exit like Leaving WT said, I agree just " get the hell out "- like he said.

    I left cold turkey back in late 2003 after being dealt with unjustly. But even if you fade and become inactive - even then some JW family will shun you- treat you like your DFed anyway. If you fade , some JW family will respect it, some will not, it's been a mixed bag for me. So either way a person exiting the cult has to make a new life and a stand for themselves - faded or DFed. Really doesn't matter. I've had closure on letting the JW cult determine how I'll live my life. The first 3 years I faded just fine - but a couple times the JW elders have tried causing me heartache and I've just stood up to them , whether family or not - and stated my case to them and basically demanded to be treated like a human being. They will control you if you let them - but don't let them. The JW's HATE it when they can't control the situation and have power over a person. It's challenging to stand your ground - but the longer I'm out of the witnesses I've grown to have less fear of what they can do . I try to control the situation , and not allow them to control me anymore. Basically how I roll. But everybody has to exit the witnesses as best they can, what works for them. Good luck to all of you newbies here doing that ! I wish you the best ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • sspo

    Three years ago i still had 3 kids in the borg ( two have left ) and my ex along with her father tried very hard to have me Df for apostasy.

    I was not going to let the elders, ex father in law and wife have it their way, they wanted me out badly, they love to get rid of anyone

    with doubts and wash their hands since they cannot reason on their own doctrines.

    I have faded and have to say " i did it my way" and very happy the way it turned out.

    I'm able to still enjoy some association with some liberal JW and feel i'm the one who had the upper hand.

    If i ever get Df now, i really don't care, i have no respect for JW's anymore because i've concluded they don't believe

    half of what they're teaching and many stay for selfish reasons and many don't have the balls to pull away.

  • leavingwt

    Let's ask some different questions, which get at the heart of the matter. . .

    Would you like to quit being a cult member and get on with the rest of your life?

    Would you PREFER to keep your friends and family, in the process? Is this possible in your unique circumstances?

    Will you remain in the cult, if this is what it takes to hang on to friends and family?

    Does your "status" with the organization have ANY effect on your relationships with non-JWs?

    Would you want a friend or family member to "live a lie", just to please you?

    Do you value Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Speech and Assembly?

    Can you mentally and emotionally handle losing all of your friends and family?

    Will there be a bright future ahead if you leave?

    Does what others think of you rule your life?

    Will you suffer a tremendous financial setback if you exit the cult?

    Everyone has a unique set of circumstances. Each must count the costs and decide WHAT is important.

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