by Albert Einstein 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I am fading out after 18 years in JW cult (pioneer, MS, elder etc ...). My wife was born in JW family, very strong family bonds, very loyal to JW. At home we can talk pretty open, but she is so blindfolded, so loyal, not willing to admitt JW could be totally wrong... Is there any chance to help her step by step? Any experience?
Albert
Offer her UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and PATIENCE.
Please read this article about Mind Control:
http://www.freeminds.org/psychology/mind-control/mind-control-or-brainwashing.html
If you haven't already done so, please read Steve Hassan's second book, 'Releasing the Bonds'.
http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/books/rtb.htm
-LWT
welcome AE...
as to the answer to the question... I am not married so can't help from personal experience...I am sure there will be other married folks along soon enough..its the weekend, you might want to bump this topic a few times over the next few days for feedback...
I know of success stories in situations like yours and I know of disasters...and all in between. Each circumstance is different. The fact you can talk openly without her going beserk is a good thing...
Glad you made it here... share some more of your story if you like.... or just read and learn...
Snakes ()
Skeeter never had a spouse to unconvert, but I feel for you.
My sibling and parent are still active JWs. When I first started learning the hypocrisy in the JW religion, I ran to them with each and every "find" of mine. I did this for a few years. It didn't work. They got mad, real mad, at me. (They couldn't shun me as I was never baptised).
Then, my non-JW sibling gave me his advice. The JWs NEED the JW religion to deal with their own hurt. When I "bad talk" the JW religion, I am calling them stupid. I have to get at the root cause of why they need to be JWs.
So, I pretty much leave them alone now. I don't tell them every new "error" I find or even send them a news story.
But, I followed another poster's advice and just said, "I have deep differences with the Watchtower Society. I've studied their literature and actions, and found inconsistencies that have led me to beleive that the Governing Body of today is no longer God's mouthpiece. I've also studied bible history, and don't hang on every word it says. I've asked my children to get me if ANYONE discusses the Bible or God with them. "
Both of my JWs know how to Google. They can find out more if they want, and when they want. Until then, I live a great life and keep them informed of my great life and happiness.
Skeeter
This is a tough one. You'll probably hear many menthods: the strong approach, the weak approach, the direct approach, the indirect approach. etc. What worked for one may not work for another, and vice versa. You need to know your wife and how important her extended family with the JWs really is. And If she is willing to sacrifice that for you.
This may not work for you but what sort of worked for me is the low, meek, under-the radar approach. Go inactive but don't go openly nor defiantly apostate. If you obviously turn apostate and get yourself disfellowshipped, you've just made your task ten times harder. So be inactive. Or irregular at the least.
Say that you are going through depression or other personal issue problems and allow yourself to loose your congregation privileges. This might be the hardest for you to do. It was for me because I enjoyed my congregation privilages. And the public shame that goes by their having to announce that I'm no longer a servant is a hard pill to swallow. But you'll get over that with time. In fact, if that depresses you further you can use it to further your case for depression. It will really be convincing if it was actually true. And being in a religiously semi-torn family should give you real basis for depression without you actually stating the nature of the condition.
They won't disfellowship you for being depressed or else they will have to disfellowship more than half of all JWs. But they will disfellowship you if you go against the WTS no matter what you got.
Start missing the meetings but also look for things that are of interest that you can do with your wife. If not on a Sunday then on a Saturday afternoon. Try to court your wife all over again. Not too fast, however. You'll have to be patient as it could take years. Start working by having her cut back on the time she spends in Field Service for starters.
When certain conversations come up just concentrate on what is the loving Christian way to do things looking for Biblical examples of them. Let her see how that is contrasted against how the WTS does matters. Winning her "without a word" is better then trying to argue or attack the WTS beliefs directly. Let her see how Bible examples of doing things contrasts against the WTS ways of doing things. Let her see for herself.
I'll turn over to others. May you find something that works best for you.
Well, I have completed my fade after serving faithfully for nearly 20 years (more than 12 as an elder).
I was the one keeping my wife strong in the faith, but with my support gone she is a weaker JW.
I don't even think she realizes what a weak JW she is- cramming her mag. study in the car while I drive or
having "worldly" associates and pursuing education so much.
As great as all that is, I can't get her to wake up and leave. She doesn't directly talk about doctrine and
won't hear about scandal. I show her unconditional love and she is loyal enough to me not get the elders
involved in my life. It takes time to get this accomplished, if ever.
Steve Hassan's two books, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS are great. You
read them and hope you could get her to read them. If she were able to read a book by a former JW, Ray Franz's
CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE will free most JW's that actually read it. Most will not even hear of reading such stuff.
Stay here and pay attention to how others did or are doing it. Check back once in a while. That might work.
One of Farkel's many gems --
[1 John 4:8] "God is a god of love."
[1 Corinthians 13:4] "Love is not jealous."
[Exodus 34:14] "I, your God, am a jealous God."
If God is a jealous God, he can't be a God of love and the scripture that says Love is not jealous is a lie.
If God is not a jealous God, then the scripture that says he is, is a lie.
If God isn't a God of love, then why bother with him?
Welcome to the board!, Albert Einstein
Is there any chance to help her step by step?
Yes!
Unconditional love and support to any spouse. I can't believe that any jw is totally blind to the unloving acts in their congregation. Many don't start to respond until they are on the receiving end of that cruelty.
