by lavendar 33 Replies latest jw friends
First let me say, I've never been a JW and NEVER will become one. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.
My son has invited me to his KH to hear the CO's talk. At first, I thought of saying no...but then thought it might be a good opportunity to gather more "ammunition" to ask him some more hard, thought-provoking questions about his "lovely" religion.
Do you have any advice for me?
Thanks!
Lavendar
What are the main teachings/doctrines that seem to have a hold on your son?
Generally speaking, the pervasive circular logic that the BORG uses is probably the one of the best starting places.
The cult mentality that they alone are singled out for god's favor is another.
Another suggestion...the website for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster applies creationist/fundie/millenialist arguments in a way that really exposes how ridiculous they are. You might get some good ideas there. It's at least good for a laugh.
Have you been touched by the noodly appendage?!?
Do you have any advice for me?
Go to the meeting. Try to keep rapport with your son. Forget all about ammunition and forget the questions forever. Ammunition is for war. Never go to war with your sons and daughters. I'd much rather have rapport with my children than win a war. Besides, it's a battle you can't win.
It takes a LOT more brains to keep rapport with a Witness than piss one off. Any idiot can piss off a Witness.
Hi Gary!
Thank you...I value your advice. I HAVE kept rapport with my son for the last 4 years. But don't you think I should DO SOMETHING to help him see the deception of the WTS? By gently and lovingly asking strategic questions about the WTS, don't you think he will eventually realize he's been duped?
Lavendar
Lavender..Be prepaired to sit through a sales meeting.."Do more..Sell more..Do as your told..Thats what God wants!".............It won`t be much more than that.....And..Listen to Gary............If you push too hard..Your son has been taught by the WBT$,to remove himself from your life..........................
...OUTLAW
You wrote: But don't you think I should DO SOMETHING to help him see the deception of the WTS?
No! He sees it and is self denying he's seeing it. Keeping rapport is doing something. All Witnesses I know become angry when I tell them what they already know and are denying. The ritual meetings' main purpose is to reinforce the denial that's required in order for the person to continue. Initially they were called "consolation" meetings and the attenders were in morning because their expectations of the promised apocalypse were not met. They "re-set" each other at meetings.
They can also "re-set" by chanting, talking to one another (called up-building), and reading their books and tabloids. Whenever I have been so foolish as to challenge a believing Witness, they have always chanted, lashed out in anger, walked away, or all three.
The question is: what's so lacking in your son's life that he's getting his needs met by a religious high control group like Jehovah's Witnesses?
You wrote: By gently and lovingly asking strategic questions about the WTS, don't you think he will eventually realize he's been duped?
My dad was born in 1921, raised by Bible Student parents, became a zealous Witness adult, saw every single thing the Witnesses ever taught fail, saw the new teachings fail, saw the excuses fail and he saw it all as a test by a cruel and punishing god. He died as a rabid Witness, shunning me the last 12 years of his life. The failures he saw as a Witness made him a STRONGER Witness.
About the only consistent thing that I see in helping Witnesses to quit the group is a social setback. There is hope, because those do happen pretty frequently. That was my catalyst to quit the group. Of course the shunning and snubbing ensured I wouldn't return.
My dad had several serious social setbacks but he was able to separate the Witness people from the Jehovah's Witness ideology and carry on. Every single thing that would make a normal person quit the group, like seeing failed predictions like he saw, and being socially disrespected like he was socially disrespected, made my dad a better Witness.
I finally realized my wishes for my dad to see the group for what it is, and quit was selfish of me. I entertained a fantasy in my head that someday my dad and I would have a good relationship. But that's all it was. A fantasy! I decided to let it go and accept reality. The reality was my dad would stay a Witness and he would not become a better father but he would become worse. With that expectation, I had a concept that he could live up to and we both could find peace apart. When he died, I didn't cry.
Thanks, Gary. Your account reads like you got into my head and described what you saw! You expressed very well the reality for those of us who have had relationships cut off because we asked the wrong questions too many times. We only get one set of G'parents, parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, gandsons & grandaughters. To lose the companionship of any one of them, except through death, is a unbelievably high price to pay to throw your lot in with a cheesy cult/magazine sales company.
Lavendar, Do what Gary says. You will do more to help him see the real truth, if he ever will, by staying close to him and focusing on your mother/son relationship with him. And if he tries to be pushy just try and think of him as the son you love dearly but who is retarded in some way, like he suffered brain damage in a auto crash. Love is the answer.
You wrote: "like he suffered brain damage in a auto crash"
Good one! Wish I'da wrote that! Thanks!
Thanks Gary, Outlaw & Gregor! You don't know how much I appreciate your help and input!
I know it is SO important to maintain a good relationship and open communication with my son. But, it's very hard sometimes.......I want him OUT so bad NOW. I realize that is unrealistic....but sometimes the heart rules your thinking.
Lavendar
