Moments of Epiphany... and other touchstones in life...

by AK - Jeff 24 Replies latest jw experiences

AK - Jeff
- When I realized that 1975 was past, and the end appeared no closer than before.
- When a BOE made up of men I had 'served' with for better than a decade were willing to write a letter of 'recommedation' that was character assassination at it's finest, and then defend the lies within with a straight face and no remorse.
- When I began to notice that many of the 'friends' seemed mentally unstable, in an organization that claimed it offered the greatest hope for mankind and the 'only true brotherhood' of supporter's available.
- When I saw a 'bible student' who was refused any assistance in her move to another congregation because of her sins before she was ever baptized [she never was in fact].
- When I was 'allowed' to conduct funerals and weddings that needed a minister, but for people who were too soiled in one way or another for the self-righteous upper-crust elders to touch. Yet they all attended and seemed to rejoice/mourn with all others in attendance.
- The day in the early 90's when I read a critique of Jehovah's Witnesses in which the author roundly condemned Jw's eschatology regarding the '1914 Generation', and in such article stated that they would have to renounce such foolish reasoning soon, before the end of the century to avoid being the 'relgious laughingstock' of the world.
- The day in 1995 when I saw his predictions come precisely true in the Watchtower.
- When I watched and saw no other Jw's bothered by this massive change in position.
- The months that I compiled a chart in which, using actuarial mortality figures, in which I applied the numbers, age-group by age-group to the 'annointed' from 1941 to 2002, and saw that it was empirically impossible for 8500 to still be alive.
- The month in which I read Ray Franz' books, and found myself aware that my life was about to change forever.
- October 2006, when after 3 years of 'fading' and staying out of sight, I submitted my letter of disassociation, and saw a look of happiness on the face of the friend-elder that took the document, though it meant the end of 20 years of personal friendship with him.
- The day my cousin - my best friend for 35 years - decided I was unworthy of even a reply to a simple email.
The list is longer. But so theraputic to put in words. Please share yours?
Jeff
AK - Jeff
I should add this one:
- The moment I realized that my wife was going to leave with me, saw the same things I saw, and would not abandon me.
AllTimeJeff

When my drug addicted brother committed suicide, and I realized that I was being praised by the congregation for shunning him instead of trying to help him with his addictions.
When 9/11/01 happened, and I realized that I was looking at the JW version of Armageddon. I realized I would not be happy, nor agree with, YHWH killing everyone except the few million "faithful" JW's on earth.
When as an elder, I had to deal for with politics and making sure that certain elders were happy before doing the right thing could be discussed.
When one of the questions on the long form application to Gilead asked if I supported 100% the faithful and discreet slave and believed it to be the only channel YHWH was using.
When I had to deal with pedophile JW's as an elder and saw first hand the legalistic, cover their ass approach the GB uses.
When I had to deal with truly mentally ill people as an elder and realized that we elders were not qualified to help them, and that our standard "rely on Jehovah" line made things worse.
When I got to Gilead and had to have experienced first hand the hiearchy of the Bethel table, with its Table Heads and Table Feet...
When Mark Noumair, one of the Gilead instructors, told our class to try to get on Robert Wallens good side, as "he could come in handy" if we missionaries had to deal with problems, or problem missionaries. (I sat in wonderment that it only mattered if you could get a heavy on your side before another fellow missionary could front load a situation)
When I saw that a study of the bible at Gilead was to review each chapter and apply it prophetically to the WTBTS of the 20th century and their presidents. Specifically, that Elijah = Rutherford and Elisha = Knorr. That was the first time I admitted to myself that this wasn't the true religion.
When I went to my missionary assignment in Cameroon and saw how easy it would have been to be "worshipped" (if you will).
When I was attacked twice in a week and almost killed in Cameroon, then have my wife tell me that I had no faith and "F*ck you!" simply because I had to return to the USA.
When I finally decided that instead of a fade, I was going to leave the cult and my ex at once. And I did....
leavingwt

I just want to thank both Jeffs for sharing these thoughts with us.
I would love to have a beer with you guys.
Visit the Deep South and I'll hook that up.
OnTheWayOut

When I chaired a Judicial Committee and the other two elders were
bound and determined to "make an example" before the congregation
of a sweet virginal young adult, thereby embarassing her beyond all
necessity just in case anyone found out that she was involved in
"heavy petting."
When I sat at a District Convention and a Governing Body member
gave a talk. I didn't know who he was, how long he had been a GB
member, how the GB decides matters. YET I proclaimed the teachings
of the GB week after week on the platform and at the doors.
When I was asked to help out Hurricane Katrina victims during the
Winter after the storm, but the RBC bumped me at the last minute,
because the bus was full. I was refused my offer to follow the bus and
carry other people and make my own lodging arrangements. "It's not
done that way." Later, the RBC member's wife said "I went, the kids
went. We had a great time. Too bad you couldn't make it." I was going
to break my back and accomplish labor. They bumped me for the wife
and kids to "have a great time."
Similarly to AK-Jeff, a day in 1995 when a major doctrine was discarded
and covered in the WT article. It was just a couple of routine questions
answered word-for-word from the paragraphs and then it was done.
No real discussion, no real opportunity to question it. DONE. NO BIG DEAL.
While reading COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL.
At the last C.O. meeting with the elders I attended, and the C.O. reads the
corporate order to stop encouraging and start discouraging college.
At therapy when I realized why I was angry at God and at WTS and I was
able to let go. I was not only able to let go, but I didn't need them anymore.
That is very theraputic. Thanks, Jeff
AK - Jeff

I would love to have a beer with you guys.
Same here, for all above. Ever get north - give me a call. Even O'Douls if need be, Jerry.
Jeff
AllTimeJeff

I am in PA, and would like to do so, although I travel like a fiend for my company.....
John Doe

The moment when I realized that witnesses are not very different from "the world," and that the jw religion is not unique. The moment when I began to see similiarities in all religions.
Doubting Bro

The moment I found out that the WTS was associated for 9 years with the UN which lead to -
The moment I discovered there is no evidence supporting 607 as the destruction of Jerusalem and that the secular sources the WTS uses selective quotes from to support 607 were taken out of context and actually don't support 607 at all.
The moment I saw what a real BOE meeting was like
The moment the WTS said "fractions" including hemogolbin but the 4 main components aren't. And the moment I tried to explain that position to those who came to me for advice.
The moment I had to send all the blood cards back because of a "typo" when in fact it was a change in GB ruling.
The moment I reconized that the WTS is a cult, one that still controls me to some degree.
seven006

I have had little micro bursts of epiphany concerning the religion all my life as I was raised in it. The constant programming, love for my mom and my wish to never disappoint her kept my mind in check (mostly) with the programming.

The two unmistakable moments of epiphany that overrode my life long programming started during my trip to Bethel to teach and consult their art and graphics department. I will never forget walking through part of their graphics department and seeing the mock-up of their new song book. It hit me like a sudden broad sided car wreck. I remember thinking “this is exactly like all the other religions have”. A hard covered book of religious songs. I realized at that moment that they were no different than the religions that they had taught me to ridicule and demonize while I was growing up.

As my intensive programming force me to do my whole life, I began to rationalize and shove back into my minds closet those (for the first time) truly honest feelings and thoughts so as to keep some kind of familiar grasp on my perceived normalcy. That lasted less than a year after that first full epiphany at Bethel.

Then one day I had a friend (a non-JW) I went to high school with (whom I ran into at my 10 year class reunion a week earlier) come by to see my new house and meet my wife and kids. We sat down at the dining room table and without thinking my cult programming kicked in and I started to give him the Watchtower sales pitch. About a minute into it he stood up and with a very surprised look an his face looked into my eyes and said “ Dave, You are one of the smartest guys I have ever known, do you really believe the whole world is in a world of shit because a talking snake told a naked lady to eat a piece of fruit?”

At that very moment (as they say) my whole life passed right in front of my eyes. I processed 28 years of memories and programmed thoughts along with the consequences for having those thoughts within seconds and for the very first time I uttered the first truly honest statement of my life. “NO!” “I don’t believe it”. It sounded so stupid to me when, what I was programmed to believe my whole life, was said back to me in it’s simplest, and purest elementary form.

That question and my first introduction to true self awareness and complete honesty when answering it changed my life forever.

That was my burning bush/number 9.5 Richter scale thought earthquake epiphanie of all time for me.

Moments of Epiphany... and other touchstones in life...

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