So....on top of all this, after I announce Im leaving, my oldest son who is 20, says yesterday HE is moving out as well! So my husband is going to be rattling around in this 4000 square foot unfinished house all by himself. I had a moment of sadness about that, envisioning it in my head, but it passed. The house would have been wonderful if the kids were still young enough to enjoy it and live here for some time, but we started this mission five years ago or more and have lived in a constant state of designing, architectural drawings, approvals, permits, snags, waiting waiting waiting, dust, debris, constant pounding, compressor noise, nail guns and dust (with no end in sight)...and accumulating a huge indebtedness trying to make this happen. There was never any counting the cost of the tower even though I asked repeatedly and was shown the door when I did, what this was going to COST to do. I kept being assured that it was being "handled." The kids were made slave labor because we couldnt hire anybody and while my husband is very good at what he does and built a wonderful house...the cost became five years of our lives, promises broken, resentment between he and the kids and he and I and the breakup of our marriage. He will have to get a room mate or something to alay the costs here or will lose this house. I wonder if he wonders now if his boot camp handling of the kids and our subsequent bankruptcy and separation were worth it.
And after all it has cost us as a family...if we lose it I wont care. But my kids are like "Mom we BUILT that house with our own HANDS!" And they did. So they would be very sad to see it go to someone else. But if I have to choose between saving my sanity, and bringing some joy back into my life and theirs where now there is none...and saving that HOUSE....the choice is clear to me.
My kids are 20, almsot 18 and almost 14. So there would be child support for the youngest one due and most certainly alimony for me. And...as for visitation, I would not mandate that the youngest go. If he wants to see his dad he knows where the man is and if the man wants to see his kids he knows where they will be. Hell he has known where they are for the last 22 years and barely spent any time with them at all. And the time he has spent has been with the caveat that while he has them with him he LECTURES them endlessly...not just about JW stuff but thats in there too. We havent had a dinner together at the table for about 7 years because he cant just let them EAT. He has to lecture them all during the meal too.
I think this is tough love. I do believe he needs to have time alone in the silence to reflect on what he has done to his family. Maybe on the other side of this year lease Im signing, things will be different. But Ive become a jaded optimist.