How did you feel the 1st time you visited this or other "apostate" site? (page 2)

halcyon

I could have written the first half of undercover's post. Unlike him, though, I spent a little time over a few nights (maybe weeks), then couldn't handle the fear and left. At that time I wasn't on "your" side ... I wasn't exactly on "their" side either (meaning, I wasn't one of those who would come here to argue) ... I was mostly just looking for a religion that had the same basic doctrine as JW (no trinity, etc) but without the parts I felt were wrong, like disfellowshipping. Never found it. But I was hoping someone on a site like this might be able to point me to that religion.

It was important to me to base my decision on FACTS, and to be able to tell my relatives, if they ever questioned me, that I had come to this conclusion on my own and was NOT influenced into it.

When I returned, this past summer, I had gone through half a decade of figuring my own mind out, and coming to peace with myself. So when I came here again, and started reading what y'all were saying, it utterly shocked me that the conclusions I had come to on my own were not unique. All of you have uttered exactly what I have thought.

So now, if I'm questioned, it may LOOK like I've been influenced by you, but I haven't.

I still tilt the computer screen away from the window, and put a password lock on my browser, and try to avoid leaving the computer with a JWD window up, though. *Just In Case* my computer is seen.

jamiebowers

Nervous and angry that I was nervous, because I'd been out for many years.

Seeker4

The first time I found these sites was on a computer at the local library. I was so nervous someone from the congregation would walk in and see what I was looking at.

But I was like so many on here, full of doubts kept stifled over the decades, and it was a huge relief to find hundreds of other JWs had exactly the same feelings and concerns I did. Also, while some were bitter and angry, most were like me, sad to come to the realization that what we'd believed and taught for so long just simply was not so.

I was also reassured that a huge number of really intelligent folks were coming to the same conclusions that I was. The WTS was bleeding out its best and brightest, and these folks were not being silent about why they were leaving.

S4

truthsetsonefree

Terrified. I'm a techhie professionally, and I was still scared of being tracked. Much of my lurking and even my first post was done while traveling far from home on business. As someone said its hard to believe now.

Isaac

JimmyPage

I felt validated.

I couldn't stop reading more and more threads because I related to the experiences so much.

I didn't agree with everything I read as far as basic Bible doctrine (I was still under the WT influence) but I related to the board alot more than the borg.

That being said, my first thought was, "Why all the science fiction references? Is everyone here a Trekkie?"

strawberry cake

I felt confused as to why I had not looked before. I realized that I had been played by the organization and decided that I would never allow anyone/or organization to manipulate me like that again. I became totally obsessed with the forums(my eyes were sore from staring at the screen!) and ordered many books to fill me in on just how much I had been lied to. I also felt relief, as the JW life style was a never ending burden, and so many things were not adding up recently, and now I had found out why... It was all a sham.
xxx SC

hillbilly

I was pretty numb and pissed with the WTBTS in general.... I got warm and fuzzy finding out stuff about Rutherford the first time or two I went diving on the web for things Watchtower

Hill

shamus100

Although I had already left 'da truuf' for some years, I felt like most of the information would be like Michael Moore's 'documentaries'.

Some information is like Michael Moore's documentaries. But not a lot.

SPAZnik

I didn't care about the apostate part. Social Anxiety is the main demon stalking me, so hitting "submit post" and opening myself to the www scared the bejeezus outta me. Still does. Nearly every time. =) Other than that, it felt great finding this place. It's been the source of a lot of laughter and enlightenment for me.

wha happened?

Honestly? Sick. I thought the posters here were fanatical but at the same time it had a ring of truth

How did you feel the 1st time you visited this or other "apostate" site?

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