How did you feel the 1st time you visited this or other "apostate" site?

by Newborn 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  Newborn

  I thought Jehobar would struck me dead with a lightning right on the spot

  Seriously, I was so scared...hard to believe now.
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  undercover

  I remember when I first found this site...I was doing my own independant research on JWs and beliefs of the Bible. It was important to me to find info about the subject that wasn't "apostate". I didn't want to read criticisms from disgruntled ex-members.

  I had the typical view of apostates as we were programmed to have. Evil, demon influenced haters of Jehovah.

  But my Internet research kept bringing up links to this site among other "apostate" ones. I quickly left everytime I came, thinking it was a den of vipers. But over time I started lurking a bit. Some of the posters made very good points. Some were logical and plain speaking with little bitterness or anger. I learned pretty quick that there were some hurt, angry and bitter people here though. But I learned over time that they had a pretty good reason.

  I eventually just started reading and reading all the experiences and essays. I came to not be so scared just reading. But I finally felt the need to post. Even then I was still confused. Even though inactive and on my way out, I was trying to, once and for all, find the good and right in the religion. I was scared poopyless when I hit the "submit" button of my first post. The indoctrination of the WTS was very strong.

  Amazing how we can be scared of the silliest things.
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  wannaexit

  I laugh to myself when I think of my reaction.-----I kept looking over my shoulder------as if some force was going to strike me dead.
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  Newborn

  Undercover & wannaexit, I recognize myself in your experiences exactly!
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  GermanXJW

  I used Anonymizer because I was afraid to be tracked.
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  IWillBeDubbedNoMore

  I was very nervous but also very curious. I never understood why the Society was so afraid of apostates. I couldn’t understand how we encouraged telling other people how their religions have twisted the scriptures but we were to stay away from apostate material because they have twisted the scriptures. I didn’t understand why the apostates’ twisting was so dangerous and the others weren’t. With that being said, I was still scared of apostate material because the Society said it was against God. I came and left quickly many times before I felt comfortable enough to stay around.
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  oompa

  I was in a bad emotional state when i found this place....i had just awakend...it was awful.....found this place looking for old literature scan......i instantly felt right at home and started posting like crazy the first week....this place saved me......i was Coaster until my wife and dad turned me into the elders when she found out my user name and password!.........that really pushed me over the edge for awhile............oompa
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  Quandry

  My heart was pounding as I first read from "apostate" web sites.

  I was amazed when I read about the poor treatment of many on this board by the loving shepherds of the congregation, and began to realize WHY they don't want witnesses to come to the internet. THey don't want anyone to have a voice other than themselves. There is no "side" of the story other than theirs.

  Ignorance was bliss until I began to read and open my mind.
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  WTWizard

  I was hoping to pxxx Jehovah off--and it felt like the lights came on.
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  Quirky1

  Well, I was a little worried at first. But, like some here, I was an emotional nightmare in the begining. I was having marital problems because of it. I was looking for a support group or a place to vent or for sympathy, who know's. It all started at Randy's site and it lead me here. The more I read the better I felt, I found that I was not alone. I opened my first post and spilled my guts and one thing lead to another.

  Soon, I found that all my suspicions about the WBTS were true and found much pleasure in it.