JWs and Domestic Violence (page 2)

snowbird

Misguided, that was awful.

I witnessed DV as a child. It never leaves you.

Sylvia

jamiebowers

Why is this?
Is it the pressure that the org puts on brothers?
Is it the sisters feeling they have no where to go? And can't leave if its not so bad as to put their physical lives in danger?
Is it control? Embarrassment?
Or is the occurance of domestic violence among JWs no better or worse than the world's average?

I can only answer based on my personal experience. My abusive husband was/still is a jw, who as it turned out, was also mentally ill. It got so bad that he was committed to mental hospitals against his will in two different states. He came from a mentally and physically abusive background, had some questions about his sexuality and being a jw certainly didn't help. But I know he continued to abuse me throughout almost our entire marriage, because he was able to get away with. Everytime I went to the elders, they would counsel him to control himself and then insist that I remain in the marriage and wait on Jehovah. That went on for more than 6 years, and it didn't change when my life was in danger. He was committed for the second time, because he was threatening to kill me and himself. If it weren't for my co-workers getting involved, he probably would've done it. He was in the psych hospital, and I filed for divorce. Even when doctors and judges determined that his threats were real, the elders insisted that I remain in the marriage. When I refused, they actually taunted me with the fact that I couldn't remarry until I could prove adultery on his part.

Now think about this for a minute. This guy, for more than 6 years had choked, hit and kicked me. He would drive into oncoming traffic just to terrify me. It was so bad that I had seriously thought of killing myself just to end the terror. The elders knew all of this. I told them that I just wanted to disappear and get him out of my life and offered to da myself. They responded that they would df me instead, and they did. That is the God's honest truth. I didn't have a boyfriend, and actually remarrying was the furthest thing from my mind. But I had to get away from him for my own survival, both physically and mentally.

For years I thought my case was special and that this hardly ever happened to other jws. Then I read the experiences of the battered lambs at silentlambs.org. Then I asked Barbara Anderson on one of Rick Fearon's conference calls about domestic violence. Her answer was that many sisters wrote to the society about this problem, but 75 to 80 percent of them didn't sign their names, because they were afraid of repurcussions.

I believe jw husbands are more prone to domestic violence, because they feel entitled to abuse their wives both by the WTB&TS' skewed version of the headship arrangement and because they can get away with it within the congregation. After all, the elders won't do anything to stop it, and most jw wives will not go to the police. And the reason the rules are set up the way they are is so the WTB&TS can maintain strict control over their followers--PERIOD.

Oh, and btw, if the woman comes from a jw family, she has NOWHERE to go. She must rely on the kindness of strangers, worldly people who she was taught to fear more than she feared her abuser. I really believe that if it weren't for my worldly co-workers, he would've killed me and then himself that day. I lost my home, most of my possessions and my mother, brother, and all of my friends in one fell swoop. I moved into a rooming house with a worldly co-worker and went from there. Lucky for me, I wasn't raised as a jw from birth or very young childhood and had the ability to make friends. I've made many throughout the years and went on to marry a REAL MAN, who wouldn't dream of ever hitting a woman. When he overheard a discussion about what the Bible says about headship, he asked me if he could appoint me the head, because he didn't think he was good enough to stand in Christ's stead in our marriage. He couldn't have been more wrong. I consult him on all of my decisions, not because I have to, but because I want to, because I know he thinks of me before anyone else, even himself. But then again, he, like most NORMAL men, don't worry about controlling their wives or anyone else they're in a position to lead.

restrangled

Abuse of women is some of the most whimpy ass stuff from ignorant, weak men. I saw more than my share growing up as a young JW.

Early on I came to the conclusion that most who had been made "Elders" were nothings in the real world and this gave them the chance to be somebody or something with a title, carrying a brief case and the ability to cast decisions on situations or people they had no knowlege of. Most had little experience in life.

Lives were destroyed so many times.

Women especially were at risk for this inflated ego problem perpetuated by the Society.

I remember seeing my best friend's mother covered in bruises ......below the neck line...so she could attend the hall. Her back and shoulders were purple and green. I remember this same man beating his small girl's with a belt when I spent the night...I was in the same room and in fear for my life.......the girls never cried but you could hear the whip sound of the belt hitting legs and back.

My father was once called in the middle of the night to stop this man's abuse against his wife.....when confronted by the elders the "WIFE".....was asked what she had been doing to invoke his anger.

There were many more stories with many more woman, but I relay this one because I grew up with this family. One of the girls was my best friend, and our moms were best friends . So I have intimate details

Domestic Violence is one of the biggest dirtiest JW secrets which I am sure goes on today.

r.

bonnzo

jw's violent? no way, tell me it ain't true! next thing you'll tell me is jw's drink a lot, too.

dinah

(((((Jamie))))))

IMHO, abusive men like to have a woman powerless to fight. When she turns to people for help, it's GREAT for the abuser when she turns to the elders.

The FIRST thing an abusive man does is to cut or severely limit your ties with family and friends. Scare her, give her nowhere to turn. The elders play right into his hand with their bullsh*t counsel. Love him more, try not to do things that make him mad. They just don't realize the whole scenario for the entire evening of an "episode" is written before the SOB even gets home. Maybe you left a sock on the floor. Maybe you wore the wrong perfume, the list of "transgressions" is endless. And they ways you can pay is endless too.

They should shut their pieholes about things they either refuse to understand or "wink" at. We are just women. They can easily find another one. We are SOOOO hard to deal with, who could blame a poor brother who is married to a shrew for killing her?

Your story hit home. Thank God you lived.

stillajwexelder

When you are scripturally ordained as the head of the household (as in Islam) the women has not a chance

jaguarbass

Why is this?

People have needs and wants.

The way they fufill their needs and wants is by behavior.

If their behavior gets them results they put that tool, behavior, in their tool box and keep using it.

If ones parents or social group do not instill proper behavior in the individual, eventually the law does.

I havent been to the hall since the early 80's. I dont know what they teach anymore.

If they are teaching something good regarding relationships, the individual still has to listen and process the information.

And if they are printing information on proper relationships and behavior the person still has to read it, reflect on it and implement it.

When I was a Jw. I felt many were there because they were forced to be and so they just made it a social affair and made the best of it, not necessarily embracing it like they were in love with it.

My mother was a witness from the time I was born and dragged me and my brother to the meetings.

I came to the realization that for someone who put so much effort in getting to those meetings, my mother applied very little of it to her life and relationship with my father who was worldly.

They say you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.

As far as marriage and divorce rates I doubt the JW's are any better than the rest of the world.

Most of the Jw's that I knew back in the 70's got divorced.

More-so than my worldly friends from school.

blondie

Domestic violence is more than 2 people not getting along and finally getting a divorce...............

flipper

AMHARET- I believe way too much pressure is put on women in the Jehovah's Witness cult to be submissive to a fault to their husbands authority; literally. And because it is drilled into the heads of witness men CONSTANTLY how " they are the head " , they are " responsible for the family " - some of these numb nuts witness men let the power go to their head - literally ; and abuse the power by controlling their wives. It is really a mask for insecurity within these men though. If more elders would face up to disciplining these jerks and reporting them to police if they beat their wives , instead of burying the abuse under the rug - there would be a hell of a lot less JW wives being pushed around. But unfortunately - the " man's authority " rule is deeply imbedded in the JW doctrine. So the abuse will continue. Poor women. Peace out, Mr. Flipper

wobble

The whole headship and submission thing is just another bit of scripture that the WTBS has got TOTALLY wrong.But even if you accept their crap exegesis it says in the NWT "As the Christ is head of the congregation" Does Christ abuse the Congo. in any way?

There is no excuse,no mitigation for DV and any B of E that dosn't tackle it are reprehensible cowards.

Love

Wobble

JWs and Domestic Violence

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