Glad you are ok. It is very difficult to come out of jws with family still held hostage. It does get easier over time. There are tons of experiences on this board that can help. Also many active posters who would be glad to help or just listen.
Is suicide ever the answer?
"Then many people will fall away, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people, and because lawlessness will increase, the love of many people will grow cold. But the person who endures to the end will be saved." -Matthew 24:9-13
"what profit will a person have if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what can a person give in exchange for his life?" -Matthew 16:26
"The lamp of the body is the eye. If, then, your eye is simple, your whole body will be bright; but if your eye is wicked, your whole body will be dark. If in reality the light that is in you is darkness, how great that darkness is! "No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. YOU cannot slave for God and for Riches. "On this account I say to YOU: Stop being anxious about YOUR souls as to what YOU will eat or what YOU will drink, or about YOUR bodies as to what YOU will wear. Does not the soul mean more than food and the body than clothing? Observe intently the birds of heaven, because they do not sow seed or reap or gather into storehouses; still YOUR heavenly Father feeds them. Are YOU not worth more than they are? Who of YOU by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span? Also, on the matter of clothing, why are YOU anxious? Take a lesson from the lilies of the field, how they are growing; they do not toil, nor do they spin; but I say to YOU that not even Sol´o·mon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. 30 If, now, God thus clothes the vegetation of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much rather clothe YOU, YOU with little faith? So never be anxious and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or, ‘What are we to drink?’ or, ‘What are we to put on?’ For all these are the things the nations are eagerly pursuing. For YOUR heavenly Father knows YOU need all these things. "Keep on, then, seeking first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these [other] things will be added to YOU. 34 So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness." Matthew 6:22-34
The pressures of life in this materialistic society, full of derision, hatred and indifference can divert our consciousness away from what truly rewards us and satisfies our soul. Perhaps this is why so many have suicidal thoughts? Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the best things in life are free, and that first among these is our relationship with our creator.
You might find this information useful at this time:
BA- Feel free to PM me if you wish.
PS- Hang in there, tomorrow is another day.
2112, listen to crazy old man Huff here.... live, live, live, if for no other reason, you can give a "witness" to your loved ones when you're old and gray, that Armageddon really wasn't "right around the corner"...
And there's much more... you need to freaking leave Florida this fall... go look at some mountain streams, see the leaves change, smell some cider, and drink some shine...
Live and breath my friend, I get pissed, want to fight, I wonder each day what the holy hell is wrong with people, but I see a beautiful stream, and hang with my friends, and it gets me out of the rut.
And it might be advisable to go to a doctor and see if you suffer from depression, as much as folks give me hell about my weed on this site, I'm still not depressed... LOL
Hang in there my friend.
Don't give the organization the pleasure. Nothing they would love better is to see another "apostate" out of this world.
You have real friends here. Hang tough!
As much as I hate to agree with the Dawg he put it very well. Stand back from your situation as much as you can, a change of local can help, but you need to snap out of whatever set of circumstances would make you consider such a thing. Focus on toughening up and deciding to live as long and as happy as possible. Don't let the bastards get you down. Hell, you might need some anti-depresants. No big deal. Get 'em and take 'em. Me and Dawg enjoy the herb. Just don't even consider the foolish, tragic waste of your beating heart.
Been there many, many times. Tried once or twice but my heart really wasn't in it. I was just testing the waters, not really serious.
I disagree that suicide is necessarily evidence of mental illness. Millions of people every year kill themselves who have never had a single bout with depression.
It is judgemental to say that suicide is connected to mental illness. here's why:
If you were trapped in the wilderness, and like in the movie Into the Wild, you realized that you would die a slow agonizing death, and you had a gun, would you be necessarily mentally ill to kill yourself? would anyone blame you?
As in my case, I had every person I ever loved disappear from my life for all eternity in one instant with out being able to say good bye. My best friend, my fiance, my mother my father, my brothers my sisters, life-long friends... If you knew someone who lost their whole family and every friend they ever had in a plane crash, and then heard that the next day or year or whatever they killed themselves, would you think, "They must have been mentaly ill?"
Suicide is the one act a person can do in which they are in complete control. I didn't ask to be born. I have little control over my socio-economic status, my genes, my location, my abilities, faults etc. It's all pretty much decided for me. Now you are going to tell me that I don't have the right to leave this god-forsaken place when I want to or I'm crazy if I do chose to leave? Please.
Sure, suicide may be the reaction to excruciating pain, either emotional or physical or other. But it can also be the ultimate protest statement. It can be your way of saying that you reject the very premise upon which this reality rests. you can chose to leave this world in a beautifully romantic way. I have always thought about just paddling out on my board and never coming back to shore, and just disappearing like Duke Kahanamoku.
but no, society says I must die slowly and torturously of my lung cancer in a sterile hospital hooked up to hoses and machines as if that is the "natural" way to go. Surely that is the real dignified way to go too right? Not paddling out into the sunset.
No, I have already decided that suicide is the way I want to go. I am not trying to do it any time soon, but when my life starts winding down, I am going to gather my friends around and have one last party, the best one imaginable. and if I am still strong enough I'll paddle out, maybe with some old surf buddies there to accompany me part way. I'll take some drugs and other things along to ease the discomfort. Then at some point my friends will turn around and head back to shore. And I'll stay out there all night talking to my god or the emptiness, then I'll slip off my board and dive deep, deep down until I start feeling euphoric and I am too deep to make it back to the top. If you ever find my board, I hope you mount it somewhere with these words, 'The last ride."
This was *just* posted an hour ago on another forum I read:
2112, New Light and Shawn, You have had to face up to the dark side of life, haven't you? I don't think there is anything I can say in this post that can adequately address your situations. But I would strongly encourage you to see a counselor. They are in a position to help you sort through the various circumstances of your lives and can show you a hopeful path to follow. I have greatly benefited myself from counseling and highly recommend it. Best wishes to you all.
I want to thank all of you so much, it is truely overwhelming to have this much love and support. I have to shake my head in amazment that this is coming from total strangers. Those who know me have no clue what I'm feeling and when I try and express it I am ridiculed - so much for unconditional love! I have reasons for sticking around and they are important to me, my son and my dog. I do love my wife but she has the b'org and she feels that is the end all, be all. She may miss me if I left but I'm not sure. But with my son and my dog I do believe I can cope, at least for now.
Again thanks so much to all of you, you are a real blessing.
For me it will be the answer if I am ever in a situation where I am about to experience torture or if I am terminally ill and have zero chance of avoiding suffering and death in the immediate future.
It will not be the answer to avoid emotional pain in other scenarios. As have most of us post-cultists, I have been to the bottom of emotional pain and came back more than once. I know too well that life can be worth living.
Although I do not believe all suicidal thinking is related to depression, obviously often it is. If that's what's going on, consider seeing your general practitioner, a counselor, or psychiatrist. You do not have to take meds if you decide not to, just go and listen to what they have to say.
Depressive illness is not the same as "having the blahs". Here is some info for you. It is not always known what causes depression, but once you have it, your brain chemistry is off, and meds + counseling + behavior change are the most effective way to change it back.
According to the DSM-IV, a person who suffers from major depressive disorder must either have a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities consistently for at least a two week period. This mood must represent a change from the person's normal mood; social, occupational, educational or other important functioning must also be negatively impaired by the change in mood. A depressed mood caused by substances (such as drugs, alcohol, medications) or which is part of a general medical condition is not considered to be major depressive disorder. Major depressive disorder cannot be diagnosed if a person has a history of manic, hypomanic, or mixed episodes (e.g., a bipolar disorder) or if the depressed mood is better accounted for by schizoaffective disorder and is not superimposed on schizophrenia, schizophreniform disorder, delusional disorder or psychotic disorder. Further, the symptoms are not better accounted for by bereavement (i.e., after the loss of a loved one) and the symptoms persist for longer than two months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.
This disorder is characterized by the presence of the majority of these symptoms:
* Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). (In children and adolescents, this may be characterized as an irritable mood.)
* Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day
* Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5 of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
* Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
* Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day
* Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
* Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day
* Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day
* Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
Source: American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th edition. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 1994.