38 years, are these people friends ???

by lancelink 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    LL, Sorry to hear about the death of your mother. I hope you can hold on to the good memories and forget about the JW cloud.

    As for the JWs, I'm still "in" and can tell you that the JW treadmill keeps the dubs so busy and emotionally drained and confused about not mourning or being sad and wondering when the hell the big A really is coming, that they don't have the time or energy for you or for anything "normal". Some may wish to reach out to you to draw you back into the spider's web with them, but you can see through those notions. If anything, you can be pleasant to them and keep the door open for those that may be interested to find out that since leaving the bOrg, you haven't gone crazy, but are enjoying a happy, productive life. Maybe you'll find a real friend among them after all.

    B the X

  • lancelink

    thank you for all the comments, i really appreciate them.

    Sorry if i sound like I expect some sympathy, that was not my point.
    Just how people we knew for years in this organization can turn a blind eye to the whole situation,
    it was a real shakeup for me

  • Dagney

    I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.

    And it's a shame about the former friends. I don't know how they can stop and start their emotion so easily...I have been thinking they have been taught well by their god. He is quite conditional in his affection...and his people are also.

  • Pahpa


    It's always very difficult to lose a parent. May you be comforted by the good memories of your mother and in the hope of the resurrection.

    I think that part of the reluctance of Jehovah's Witnesses to show normal feelings of sympathy and compassion comes from the fact that with each death they are faced with the reality of their own mortality. They are taught that they may never see death and survive into a perfect "new system." But these hopes are shattered with the loss of each loved one. So, it is easier for them to hide from these truths. It is a form of denial. Their loyalty to the organization above all things is obvious during these times. Thus, the friendships and bonds are superficial because of this misplaced loyalty.

    All of us who became JWs when young and spent many years in the organization have seen most of the previous generation of JWs die in spite of their expections and hopes. The new generation of JWs feel that they are the ones upon whom all these promises will be fulfilled. But they, too, will one day realize the futility of Watchtower promises.

  • dawg

    I'm sorry lance, please accept my condolences.

    As for the JWs, they do not have real emotions, they are like robots.... find some real friends now that you;re out...

  • excito-are

    Sorry to hear about your loss.


  • jamiebowers

    So sorry to hear of both the loss of your mom and your "friends".

  • StAnn

    Lance, I'm so sorry. Losing your mother and losing any illusions you left had about the "brothers" at the same time must be very hard to deal with.


  • sacolton

    Witnesses are programmed very differently from normal people. Witnesses are trained that we will see our loved ones "very soon", so don't waste time grieving - keep on preaching the "good news" and stay active in the ministry work. To answer the question, no, Jehovah Witnesses are superficial conditional friends. If you're sick and can't partcipate in meetings or field service, you are viewed as "spiritually weak". Hospitalized? Good luck on getting any visits or get-well-wishes from any members of the congregation.

  • blondie

    lancelink, one of my pet peeves when I went to the KH as an elder's wife in "good standing" was no one sent cards, made phone calls, or attended the visitation or funeral of non-jw family members; and it wasn't much better if it was a jw family member or even one in the the same KH. There tended to be one or two who were caring and the rest were too busy; even if it was announced from the platform and/or posted on the information board. It sifts out the real loving people from the fakes.

    Love, Blondie (sad to hear of your loss but even more for the lack of loving response)

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