....The Memorial is Canceled....Permanently..

by OUTLAW 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs


    The WBTS has canceled the Book Study,because small meetings are very important..JW`s will now prepare for small meetings,by only going to large meetings.....Jehovah had the WBT$ cancel the Book study.So JW`s could show both Jehovah and Satan who they are loyal to.....Jehovah is giving JW`s a choice of what to do with their new free time..#1:Do more personal study of WBT$ literature..Or..#2:Hang out with Satan!..........Armageddon is just around the corner!..Study as much WBT$ literature as you can..There will be constant New Light..What you learn today,won`t matter tomorrow..So be sure to study a lot!.........And..Don`t let Satan tempt you to hang out with him..Not even if he offer`s you a cold beer!.......................................................There is another meeting cancellation..The "Memorial"............As Armageddon is so close,Jehovah needs to know who JW`s are loyal to.....The Memorial will now be known as "Vote for Jehovah or Satan day!".....Every year JW`s will get to vote as to who they are loyal to,Jehovah or Satan..The winner will receive an all expense paid 2 week vacation..Holiday.....Who do you want to see go on that nice holiday?..Jehovah or Satan?..Good vs Evil.................................Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    You stupid.

    How can I get me a sniggering dog logo.

  • crazyblondeb

    I vote to send jehober, if that will get him out of my hair for awhile.

    Tired of listening about his shit.

  • Finally-Free

    A new memorial has been instituted. It is on Sept. 29, which is Rocco's hatchday. I prepare him a sacrifice of hazelnut cake with whipped cream, which we eat together in a communion-like setting in front of the television.



    FinalyFree..A new "Memorial" for Rocco is fine with me.....But..You have to vote on whether Jehovah or Satan,wins the 2 week vacation!..Holiday.....................Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • Finally-Free
    But..You have to vote on whether Jehovah or Satan,wins the 2 week vacation!..

    Jehovah can have the vacation. I'll plan on some serious sinning for those 2 weeks.



    Jehovah seems to be in the lead for Winning the Vacation.....Not because anyone likes him..LOL!!.....Just to keep him from messing up their day!..LOL!!..(That is so Twisted!!..LOL!!)................Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • rebel8

    I know you meant this as a joke Outlaw, but did you know there is a jw email circulating about this exact thing? I hope they don't figure out my identity because I'm posting it here, but I guess I'll risk it.

    Subject: Fw: Memorial Change In 2010

    Dear Friends,
    Interesting reading from our brother in Bergonia below . . . the writer mentions a couple of things I hadn't thought of regarding the new Memorial arrangement starting in 2010. One brother who visited our congregation this past Wednesday and who's been in the Truth for 40 years mentioned that this change is one of the most major changes the organization has ever made since he's been a witness. Exciting times ahead friends. Time to get ready for a real ride!!! This is one none of us want to miss.
    Your friend and brother,
    Tom W.
    P.S. Listen to Jehovah. Many think they know the answers, but they don't even know the questions.

    Hello, brothers and sisters:

    I want to share with you an important counsel that I received from a brother about the change in the Memorial arrangement. The 2009 celebration will be our last. I hope it can be of help for you too!

    Jane A.
    Pasiana, Bergonia

    There are a few main points to the letter about the change, I thought was very interesting:

    1. Meeting as a group for the Memorial has become a financial burden on Jehovah's people. Why, the money the sistas spend on getting all dolled up for this faux Easter Mass alone would be better spent lining the pockets of the Faithful Slave, as it were.

    2. The time these sisters were spending getting their hair and nails done would be better spent on housework and worshiping their husbands, as it were. Makeup and curling irons have no place in a Christian's home.

    3. In some areas, brothers were getting together after Mass for ice cream or dinner, having fun, and in some cases, even smiling and having a few laughs. This is obviously unacceptable and must be stopped immediately.

    4. The price of the wine and unleavened bread has skyrocketed. In their infinite wisdom, the Faithful Slave has announced a new Memorial arrangement. Each family's spiritual head will now conduct their own Jesus Rejection Rite, using Ritz Crackers and Welch's Grape Juice. The head will say a somber prayer and then the family will sit around the table, staring at the refreshments, while not partaking.

    5. Those who figure out this is total nonsense will be excommunicated immediately.


    Rebel8..Don`t worry about being outed..As long as you don`t give out personal info..Your invisible.................It looks like someone else is having some fun with the Memorial..Some of the expressions used are not JW......Example..JW`s don`t use the word "Excommunicated."..JW`s have their own expressions,that is`nt one of them.....Funny E-mail..But..I doubt a JW wrote it........Thanks for sharing..It`s unlikely I would have seen it if it was`nt on this board.......................Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • WTWizard

    I would rather give Satan the vacation--so he can think of what to do that will enhance man's freedom. During that two weeks, Jehovah would get worked to death with the objective to burn out that Almighty Lowlife Scumbag. Hopefully, that will put Him on permanent disability leave (and I am not paying even a penny toward that cause).

    With Satan unopposed, that would allow him the chance to build mankind into a free enterprise system without any Almighty Lowlife Scumbag to impede fulfillment.

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