Breaking Through Cognitive Dissonance?

by indireneed 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  indireneed

  I've been thinking alot lately about how my life sucks. I guess everyone is entitled to disliking their life a little, but the holiday is really starting to get me down. That's strange becaue it used to be my favorite time of the year! So y'all know, my wife is a full-fledged, 100% owned and operated JW starting about a year ago, and was just recently baptized. She is completely immersed, and is practically a pioneer. I'm a lover of the world, and hater of all religion, especially JWs now.

  Anyway, as the holidays approach I am feeling more and more desperate as to where this all will lead. We've been married only a short time, and have no kids, but I just don't see much of a future anymore. I'm currently taking the let's see what happens approach.

  So, I've been trying to think about conversations that can really make her think. I avoid conflict at all costs, so it's hard for me, but I've got to jump in. The biggest barrier is the 'I've read the Bible through several times and devote my life' defense which means my opinion doesn't necessarily have the same weight as hers.

  Anyway, I just thought I would solicit some topics that could be really thought provoking. Here's a list of the ones I'm going to start talking about whenever I get the gumption up:

  1. How can we ever have kids when we are of different faiths?
  2. Where is your salvation explained in the New Testament?
  3. How can our marriage be meaningful when I don't respect what she does and she doesn't respect what I do?

  There are probably many other interesting paths to take, so I'll be waiting to see what y'all come up with.
• 

  nytelecom1

  for a brighter future and looking forward to the
  day life doesnt "suck" anymore please contact
  me or the nearest branch office of Jehovahs Witnesses
  for a free home bible study.
• 

  joelbear

  NYT,

  Will you be taking your latest edition of Maxim magazine with you on the bible study?

  And to dire,

  Unfortunately, if she really loved you, she would not have chosen a spiritual path that different from your own. She now sees you as being under Satan's control. I would think it would be hard to have a happy life with someone who thinks you are under demonic control.

  Joel
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  Englishman

  She's being drip-fed by the dubs, she's also pre-programmed to deal with any arguments that you present to her. Any protests from you will trigger off the alarm bells with the result that you become even more alienated from each other.

  You need to break the cycle so that you are doing other things together. Meeting other couples is good, try joining a sports club or something similarly innocuous. Go on holiday, MOVE HOUSE, anything to dilute the power of dubbism. Confrontation will only strengthen her resolve, distraction is the key IMHO.

  Englishman.

  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
• 

  25ashitaka25

  Just go slow and subtle, man.

  They first thing they tell people on the bible studies is that their loved ones will object to them studying.....no shit...but to people who are more easily influenced, it seems like prophecy.

  Slow and subtle....that how you get them.

  ashi
• 

  JerryTX

  Hi Indire,

  I've been exactly where you are, except I was a true-blue believing Dub with spiritual flames coming out of my arse. Those flames got extinguished when my potential convert converted me out of the Society. I loved my wife. I really did. But neither one of us was willing to compromise; she wanted desperately to stay a JW, and I wanted no part of it ever again. Oh, we held it together for a few years, but the stress of our differences finally destroyed the relationship.

  I always say this, but I'll say it again and continue to say it: The best way to talk with JWs is simply to ask them questions that lead them down a logical path to a logical conclusion. Never take the superior approach that you have all this info you want to share with a JW to expose the WT. It fires off the red alert siren in their thinking. When asking the questions, I say things like, "I don't understand how this could be true if".... then share your information *putting the burden on the JW to explain his/her illogical beliefs.*
  Bring out the material that exposes their religion, i.e. quotes from their own literature, and say "Help me understand how this could be true when they say"...

  You'll be amazed with how much information you can pass on to the average JW without them going into a total apostacy panic. You assume the role of a humble person who wants answers. The JW naturally will feel superior enough spiritually where he will take the bait and try to answer those questions. Then lead, lead, lead them.

  I kept a pair of visiting elders at my home last weekend for an hour and a half. I did a lot of gardening with them.

  "People handle their fear of change in different ways, but the fear is inescapable if we are in fact to change."
  M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)
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  Will Power

  Lately I've been working on a different approach and seems to let me say my piece without too much argument.

  I start a conversation - recently, the UN thing, (choose any) important bits & pieces, (managed - "like pope running abortion clinics on the sly!") and end my sentences with weather comments and a question, something like... would you like chicken or steak for supper.

  There is a moment of confusion, rain acknowledged then the answer comes "chicken sounds good"

  Viola, info received.
• 

  SixofNine

  The biggest barrier is the 'I've read the Bible through several times and devote my life' defense which means my opinion doesn't necessarily have the same weight as hers.

  This is good. Start reading and studying the Bible seriously. She will have to respect that. You will find plenty of things in your Bible study, that would make any reasonable person realize that the Bible couldn't possibly be from God. Point the contradiction and atrocities attributed to God out as you come across them. You can also find areas of the Bible that are contradictory in regards to Witness theology. It's a safe bet that she has been sheilded from any criticism of the Bible, especially as it relates to Witness theology.

  Surprisingly, it will be easier to slowly bring in criticism of the Bible, than of the organization, at least if she is like most witnesses.
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  Yerusalyim

  DIRE,

  I'll pray for you and your wife, I hope you can win her from the "truff", soooo, have ya put a tree?

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
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  moman

  Indireneed, ask her this, by what authority does the WT teach? Remember, Jesus used this to expose the PHONIES back then!
  If she says,'they teach by Gods authority', then by simple history, you can prove its a lie (false prophesy & all). Of course if she says (buy men) your road iz a different one. Hope this helps, & try to remember, they are masters at BRAINWASHING!
  -fastone-