I feel like I'm being pushed away

by heybaby 41 Replies latest jw experiences

  • heybaby

    Ok, so here's my story as it stands right now. My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. About 2 weeks after we were married, he was appointed as a Ministerial Servant. We were both thrilled, since he could now "serve" the congregation more fully. Oh..my..GOD! This has been such an eye opener. First off, it is a CLUB!! I never believed this before I was finally on the "inside." The elders and ministerial servants have their own little club going, and don't you dare try to bring someone with you. Also, the wives of the elders are most often the worst! I have never in my life witnessed so much gossip and backbiting! We served in several different congregations (b/c we were assigned to places that needed help) and it's exactly the same in every congregation. The wives and children and elders and ministerial servants are quite often the biggest troublemakers. The thing is, they put on their act of sincerity and faithfulness when they are making comments and giving their experiences at conventions, but get them to yourself for even 5 minutes and you'll see the ugly side.

    Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. So you know how the Society constantly tells us to "give Jehovah your personal best, whatever that may be." Well, some people's best is 90 hours, some is 10 hours, you get my point. It just so happens that my husband and I both need to work full time to make ends meet, so our "best" is about 5-6 hours per month. And let me tell you, we bust our butts to even get that much! Well, from the time he was appointed as a servant, the elders told him his time (and later my time as well) just wasn't good enough! We were shocked! Just because we don't get as much as the elders or others in the congregation, how is that not enough? It's based on what you personally are able to do in your circumstances, so how can you tell me that just because it's not as much as someone else's time, it's not enough?! That directly contradicts what they preach from the stage. Then the elders told us that we need to have a good report before the CO comes to visit again. Oh, so now it's about looking good for some person, and now about sincerely giving to Jehovah because it's the right thing to do? Can anyone say DOUBLE STANDARD?!

    Finally, about 3 weeks ago, my husband stepped down as a ministerial servant. The elders pretended to be so shocked and upset, but they basically pushed him away. They treated him like a puppet, and now that he's thinking for himself, most of the elders snub him big time!

    Any thoughts?

  • ataloa

    You got it!

    Welcome to the board.

  • ex-nj-jw

    By george I think you've figured it out! Welcome to JWD


  • Lady Zombie
    Lady Zombie

    You're starting to awaken, and this is a good thing.

    "The Truth" isn't the truth and the WTBTS does not have a direct pipeline to Jehovah and they aren't his chosen representation.

    They are, quite simply, just an American cult.

    If it was "the truth" and Jehovah's favorite, then what you've been observing in your congregation wouldn't exist.

    Yes they say to give your all, even if that means 4 hours a month. If that's all you can put in, then that's all you can put in.

    But.....they're hypocrites. What they say and what they demand are different. It's all about appearances (not serving God) and furthering the intrests of the WTBTS.

    Anyway, welcome to the board! Please look around and read all about what this religion (cult) is all about.

  • Velvetann

    Welcome Heybaby

    Nice to see you here and your experience with the WTBTS and the congregation CLUB. Your situation is similar to many here, thats why so many are leaving. You and your husband are thinking for yourself and not being puppets so you are not wanted in the Congregation. I am so happy to hear of yet another couple/person who has seen the "truth" about the JW's

    Looking forward to hearing more from you


  • Satanus

    Some jws fake their hours to keep the elders off their backs.


  • Quandry

    We served in several different congregations (b/c we were assigned to places that needed help)

    Yes, yes,that all shows zeal and a wonderful attitude, but it didn't show ON PAPER that he was expending himself....

    Welcome to the forum.

  • heybaby

    WOW!! Thanks for the support!! :) :) I have to say, my husband and I have been hanging out with several of our "worldly" workmates, and it's wonderful! I have been so terrified of people who aren't JWs, because we're made to believe that they are out to do you eternal harm or something. What a load of crap. I have never been treated so well in my life! I have seen what true friends really are and it's so refreshing!!!! My husband is still hanging on to the organization, out of loyalty, but I am hoping he will start to see all the hypocrisy. I am giving hints as to my feelings on things. I told him that I don't want to go to meetings anymore. He didn't seem too shocked. I'm trying to just sort of fall under the radar and not make a big stink about it. I want to fade out...any advice?

  • Seeker4

    Heybaby, you are waking up! Lots of people here who share your experiences.

    It can be a bit frightening and exhilerating, so enjoy the ride. You're in good company here!


  • Quandry

    I told him that I don't want to go to meetings anymore. He didn't seem too shocked. I'm trying to just sort of fall under the radar and not make a big stink about it. I want to fade out...any advice?

    Yes. Go slow. Take time to read things here first. Find answers to questions, then take time to think about things. One good source is Freeminds-you can look at some of the JW doctrines and changes over the years.

    It will be good to stay on the same page as hubby for awhile. Hope you can see things slowly together.

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