I am So Angry

by GoddessRachel 43 Replies latest jw friends

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  GoddessRachel

  boyzone, you are not alone. Please do not give up. I know the pain firsthand of having your own parents turn on you. Of having family friends turn on you.

  You sound like you are fairly newly out. Are you disfellowshipped? What is your story? I will search your posts and see if I can find it also.

  A huge thing that helped me was when I moved very far away from where I grew up. I do not run into JWs I grew up with anymore. I do not have to face shunning by them - not face to face anyway.

  My mom has been the worst, though time has caused her to give in a little here and there. As long as I do not push her too much, she is glad to have a relationship of me. No, it is not what I want, it is not a normal mother-daughter relationship. But what I have gained is the respect of my dad, who is a JW but very logical, and a relationship with him that I never before had. When I call he always sounds happy to hear from me. Mind you, it took three years to get to this place. And a lot of acceptance of what I do not have as long as my parents are part of this religion.

  Trust me, if you ride out the storm and take good of your heart, and your heart is dear and deserves nothing but loving kindness from you, then you can get past these feelings and not just survive but THRIVE! I PROMISE!

  Rachel
• 

  drwtsn32

  Rachel, so glad that you are in a MUCH better place now! I hope this thread helps others, too.
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  boyzone

  Hi Rachel

  I've been out 2 years and can't believe I'm still struggling to come to terms with everything. I get really fed up with myself and try and tell myself its about time I moved on, but I can't, I'm stuck. I wonder if its to do with my dad. He hurt me so badly last year when he utterly betrayed me to the elders when I was being spitefully shunned as my mum was battling cancer. He promised to help me cope with the shunning but instead went along with everything the elders said and left me alone to cope with an overwhelming situation. I broke down completely 3 months after this and have struggled since. I love my dad, but at the same time I hate him, or should I say I hate the JW side of him. I can't forgive him for what he did and I'll never trust him again, never.

  But I miss not trusting him.

  Now i have to take care of him and mum and I don't want to be near him. My stress levels go through the roof when he comes round even though I manage to hide how I feel. Mum senses all isn't well, but like most men I know, dad is oblivious.

  You really think yoga will help? It sounds like it could be a real asset in easing anxiety, I might give it a try. Thanks again for the suggestion and for bringing this thread up. I wasn't gonna say anything or tell anyone how I'd been feeling, instead I was just gonna bury the feelings again and hope they'd go away, but having this thread here has helped me let off steam and have clearer thoughts.

  I really appreciate this, can't thank you enough.......now I'm gonna do what Billy suggested and get some SLEEP xxx
• 

  GoddessRachel

  Goodnight, sleep tight!

  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Yoga will help yoga will help yoga will help!

  Try Tara Stiles Yoga on youtube to start with and then if you want full-length workouts you can buy DVDs (I have a couple of titles I really like) or take a class or if you are shy and like the privacy of your own home try Yoga Today - another channel on youtube that does a new full-length workout every day.

  There's a wealth of videos and routines out there. I even got a book from the library that explains proper form and make up my own routines. What is has done for every aspect of my life is a miracle. Improved the stress, improved the flexibility and strength, improved everything.

  I'm so sorry your dad betrayed you so deeply. I am so sorry, boyzone. It was wrong.

  Thanks, drwtsn! I hope it helps others too!

  Rachel