I wrote this really nice post and then there was a JWD error of some kind so it didn't get posted.
Thanks so much for all the kind responses. This was my embarrassing way of reaching out, and I'm already feeling better, but still a little embarrassed. This site means the world to me. No other discussion forums do that for me like this place does. It comes from being raised in such a way that I am a misfit of society. Here I sort of fit it - when I'm around.
Thank you, all. I really wasn't just seeking attention, though I do feel like an attention-seeking jerk. I just was having some seriously scary thoughts about how to have immediate relief to my current pain, and knowing that I really didn't want to do that to myself and to anyone who cares about me, I turned here. Thank you for being here for me. Sorry for being such a jerk.
I will look into getting some professional help. Thank you.