I am So Angry

by GoddessRachel 43 Replies latest jw friends

  • GoddessRachel

    I wrote this really nice post and then there was a JWD error of some kind so it didn't get posted.

    Thanks so much for all the kind responses. This was my embarrassing way of reaching out, and I'm already feeling better, but still a little embarrassed. This site means the world to me. No other discussion forums do that for me like this place does. It comes from being raised in such a way that I am a misfit of society. Here I sort of fit it - when I'm around.

    Thank you, all. I really wasn't just seeking attention, though I do feel like an attention-seeking jerk. I just was having some seriously scary thoughts about how to have immediate relief to my current pain, and knowing that I really didn't want to do that to myself and to anyone who cares about me, I turned here. Thank you for being here for me. Sorry for being such a jerk.

    I will look into getting some professional help. Thank you.



  • Sparkplug

    Oh baby girl. I have sat where you sit several times in my life. This year being one of them. Hold close to your small delights. Baby steps. Counseling helps.

    I cannot tell you how many times since I was 15 and thank whatever comes to mind that I am still here.

    Life changes on a dime. Things switch so fast and what is here and now is not all there is. I have said that before, but I hold that in my mind and even days that all I could do was hold my stomach because I felt I was breaking ended. When you wake up, the sun is still up and changing what I was feeding into my house, my heart, my home, my diet changes everything. Wake up and every time you think bad of yourself, counter it with a good. You have a list. Things you do that are great I am sure.

    Seriously tho, talk to someone. I had this pride thing that I had to conquer, and just go. You know what? The people I thought opinion meant so much actually turned out to to be nothing to me. Yeah I care for them in their own ways. But I care for myself more now now and realize that the reason I felt the way I have at several times in my life were caused by filling my tank up with too much negativity.

    Take care of yourself hon. If you must look at that sad face you probably are touting and get up and fix it. If you saw someone else sad you would rush to help. Now go. Rush to your own aid.

  • GoddessRachel

    G'night, y'all, some serious sleep is what I need. Thank you for being there. It means more than you'll ever know.



  • Hortensia

    I guess I read this too late to say something before you signed off. I understand how you feel - I've been so low and depressed I've vented here and it's so wonderful that people are willing to sympathize and listen. I hope you feel better tomorrow - and if you really feel like ending it all, go ahead and find out if your county has any counseling available to you.

  • sacolton

    I know I'm just a stranger and my words probably don't mean much to you, but please don't think about suicide. Things will get better! The world isn't as bad as you may see it. Life is worth living! Don't give up!

  • Crumpet

    I know how you feel - I've tried three times and ended up in hospital three times. Twice with pills and once stabbing myself in the heart.

    What helps now is i try to think of the people I love most and how I would feel if they were to feel so tormented that they killed themselves. I try to imagine just how awful that would be and then i think of the long future of guilt where, if i were to do it, they might think it was their fault, that there was something they could have done to stop me and just how horribly that could affect their lives.

    I'm in the same position also in terms of not being able to afford counselling. I've waited a year for our country's health service to help me, but unless i am physically harming other people i don't get on the waiting list. So I make use of the resources available to me - your biggest resource is you.

    Feel free to PM me anytime you feel low and want to chat, or my email addy is in my profile.

    I hope the sleep helped you - sometimes it can take as little as that to restart the positivity and a few people reassuring you that you arent alone and that there is another side, a much happier one.

  • Outaservice

    I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you what I would probably do.

    1. Reinvent yourself

    2. Make a few new friends

    3. Look for a new boyfriend (don't be in a big hurry to find the right one)

    4. Walk as much as possible (parks, along the waterfront, etc.)

    5. Treat yourself at a nice restaurant with food you like the most, with grandma along

    6. Sleep

    7. Read a good book

    8. Forget the JW's

    9. Pray and hope your family changes, but in the meantime don't worry about them. The problem is theirs not yours

    10. Do you like your job? If not, look for something different.

    11. Rent or go to some good upbuilding movies.

    12. Get a new hairdo, or change your looks. If you look like your avatar, stay as you are.


  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    Don't worry about being embarrassed for a post during a crises. I had a meltdown about a month ago. I made several posts during the meltdown. My friends contacted me. Keep in contact

  • free2think


    You are not a pathetic loser. I love you sweetie. If you want to chat please IM me.

  • Layla33

    I truly hoped venting here helped. We all have our bad days. If your bad days are reoccuring or you can't get out of your negative mood, I suggest trying to get help - and if you are motivated to share here, I think you really do want things to get better. While you are online typing here, try to do a google search for social services in your area.

    Take one day at a time and never forget that you have the power to change your life...

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