Need some advice

superman

My story is that I am faded (not Df'd, DA'd, or even reproofed, just slowly stopped going and gave up privileges and responsibilities). A good JW friend of mine is getting married in the KH and asked me to be his best man. I'm curious as to what the rule is about getting married in the KH and who you can have standing up in your wedding? Other then the fact that I am faded, there is nothing that I could get into trouble for (that they know about), so I am not considered to be in poor standing (other then inactive for not turning in field service for over a year). I've thought about going back to a few meetings to 'save face' so that I can be allowed to stand up in his wedding. But on the other hand if they are simply going to tell him to "get rid of the inactive guy, or you can't use the KM" then I won't even bother going back, just because I don't want to have to deal with the fake love bombing and hounding from the elders since I've been gone so long. However, on the other hand, if I can still stand up in his wedding, and not have to go, then I don't want to waste any time going to meetings if I don't have to. Need some advice from some of you who were maybe elders (and some who still currently are), or some of you who have dealt with this subject matter personally. Thanks!!!

drew sagan

I would wait to hear back from your friend after he tells the Elders his plans to make you a part of the wedding. For what it is worth, I had my brother who is not a JW be the best man at my wedding. I don't think they may care all that much, but it is possible that they could try and use it as a way to bring you back.

I would take a wait and see attitude.

keyser soze

I don't know what the actual rule is, but I remember a wedding at the KH in which one of the men in the wedding party was never baptized, and hadn't been to a meeting for years, except for the memorial. Of course, he was the brother of the bride, and the son of the PO, so maybe they made an exception.

nomoreguilt

Normally, and I do MEAN NORMALLY, if a person is not baptised they may NOT allow him to be in the party. However, he is YOUR friend and your not having gone to meetings shouldn't have any bearing on this at all. Carry on fading after the nuptials.

NMG

jwfacts

If he has asked you and you have not been going, I would not bother starting to go now. Just lay it on the line with him and say you would love to be part of the wedding party but since you are inactive you dont want there to be any trouble with the elders, and can he confirm it will be ok for you to be involved.

4mylove

Hi and first of all welcome!

At my sister in laws wedding, they needed someone to walk my mother in law down the aisle. I assumed it would have been my husband as he is the oldest in the family, but he is inactive. So the prodigal child ended up doing it instead.

OnTheWayOut

I don't have any quotes to reference, but I am positive (99.9999%) that they
only ask that nobody on restrictions be in a wedding.

No DA, no DF, no recently reproved or recently reinstated who still have
restrictions.

I would just keep my mouth shut, do what I want, if they ask "Yes, I am in
good standing. My field circus? Show me in writing what is required."

Bring_the_Light

Ya know, I know how deep the JW control system goes, but the notion that you can't have a friend be your best man, or even that you have to wonder, just because he hasn't served the congregation as much as you used to, is giving me shivers.

Doesn't the notion of a "Best Man" have pagan origins. Also, what about white wedding dresses, pagan. yep. How about flowers, flowers = fertility, yep pagan.

No Light here.

Bring_the_Light

superman

Thanks guys for the advice, What Up Keyser , How've you been? I'm still waiting on that beer? LOL, Man after his wedding is done I can start my fade to the fullest (maybe even grow out that beard I've been wanting)!

blondie

*** w97 4/15 p. 26 Weddings That Honor Jehovah ***While a disfellowshipped person could be allowed to attend the talk at the Kingdom Hall, TheWatchtower of April 15, 1984, said: "It would be unfitting to have in the wedding party people who are disfellowshipped or whose scandalous life-style grossly conflicts with Bible principles."

*** w74 5/1 p. 276 What Kind of a Wedding? ***There may be variety too as to those participating in the wedding. In Lebanon the bride and groom normally each have one close friend to serve as a companion. (Matt. 25:1; John 3:29) Usually those chosen to be the very close companions on this happy occasion are spiritual brothers and sisters, ones also hoping to serve Jehovah eternally.

Actually, the BOE tends to call the shots which is why it varies from congregation to congregation.

Blondie

Need some advice

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