Dinner guest- When you bring wine shouldn't they offer you some?

by Witness 007 47 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cognizant dissident

  It really depends on the situation and how casual the affair is. According to Ms. Manners, at a formal, sit down dinner, the hostess has already presumably chosen a wine to compliment the meal. Likewise with flowers and dessert. It is not bad manners for her to put away wine or candy or food or flowers for later. It could just as easily be argued that it is bad manners for guests to "redo" the hostess dinner plans at the last minute when she may have carefully planned it all out to the last detail.

  If it is a casual affair or a potluck, then that is different, and the guest would not be remiss for asking if he could open the wine now for everyone to taste.

  Local custom should also be considered. In "high society", it is not the custom to bring hostess gifts at all for the same reason I mentioned above. Cards, flowers, gifts etc are sent after the dinner is over as a proper thank you. It is a very middle class custom to bring a hostess gift and as this thread demonstrates, they can create a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings if every one is not aware of, or shares the same view of the custom.

  Unless, you were specifically asked to bring an item or told that it was pot luck or BYOB, there is just no reason to be offended when your wine or other food is not served at the party. It is up to the hostess discretion. However, it is always the height of bad manners to accept someone's hospitality and then trash them and it behind their backs after you leave!

  Cog
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  This same dude went to the fridge and helped himself to the micro brew I brought. That was bullsh#t!

  I would have walked to the fridge and helped myself to one of the micro brews and when the host looked my way, I'd say, "Thanks for keeping the brew chilled for me."
• 

  Mulan

  I didn't read the other posts, but this is what I've been told is the proper etiquette for this situation.

  The wine is a gift for the hostess. What she does with it is up to her.............she can serve it, or save it for another time.
• 

  LouBelle

  Most jws I knew were cheap. They bought stuff for themselves plus helped themselves to yours. I was a single sister and was required to bring just as much to a party that a family of 4 would. I didn't mind, but the fact that I then couldn't help myself to what I bought cos it had been guzzled by others used to irk me a little. (with things like wine and cuts of meat, I go for good quality)
• 

  JWdaughter

  My understanding of the official etiquette is that the host is not under any kind of duty or obligation of politeness to open the bottle at the time of your visit. It is considered like a hostess gift(you don't expect them to use the guest soaps immediately, do you?). I don't think it is cheapness or greed. If you call ahead and say you'd like to bring a wine to go nicely with the dinner, and they tell you what they are serving, I think they should open it. Otherwise, it may not go with their meal, there may be another guest they are concerned about serving alcohol to, or they may be saving it up for their annual howling at the moon ceremony when they are camping--I don't know:)
  
  Our family always has several bottles open to be served, they all get stuck on the table and opened as needed(very informal-not according to any kind of official wine etiquette). Leftovers stay with the host family. We stand on very little formality, but I read it in a book:) So it must be true:)
• 

  funkyderek

  You shouldn't expect your particular bottle of wine to be served. It may not go with the meal, or the hosts may have enough wine that the guests simply never get round to yours. But for them to take your wine and then only serve lemonade is extremely rude. The only possible exception is if the hosts haven't got any wine, you're the only person who brought some and there isn't enough to go around. In that case, they're just really bad hosts, and you should decline future invitations from them on the basis that they don't know the first thing about having a dinner party. You can burn the food, seat people next to their exes, server red wine with fish or whatever but you should never ever ever not have enough alcohol to go around.
• 

  purplesofa

  They do the same thing when you bring pot.

  lol
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Bring two bottles, saying one is a gift to the host and one is intended to be enjoyed with the meal.

  Always specify the pricier wine as the gift.

  That's how I've always done it.