by easyreader1970 12 Replies latest jw friends
er, if you haven't already, you should read The Bible According to Mark Twain. I found his excerpts from Adam and Eve's diary quite amusing.
I just want you to do it with CURSED OFFSPRING instead. That'll teach you to do what I told you not to.
My mom has a similar curse that she used to say. Something to the effect that "I hope you have a child someday that acts like that." - when we were misbehaving. Which really sounds like she was putting a curse of bad children on us.
:It reminded me of Farkel's threads.
Ouch! It doesn't remind me of me. I take the kinder, gentler approach in trying to make sense of Christianity:
Adam and Eve screwed up because God gave them a huge chance to screw up. He put a tree smack dab in the MIDDLE of the garden which they had to walk by every day to visit the loo.
So God killed Adam and Eve after letting them be miserable for 800 years or so. Eve was especially miserable because God made the brains of children much larger than the place they had to pass to be born. God is such the prankster.
Tons of other people screwed up for the next few thousands of years, so God let most of them die from famine, disease, wars, injustice and the ravages of old age if they were able to live into old age. He killed the rest of them personally because for some strange reason he liked Jews who also just happened to like killing non-Jews when they weren't killing each other. Oh, and he wiped them ALL out one time with water, just for fun.
God had to figure out a way to stop this carnage when the water killing didn't even work, so he came up with a way to stop this carnage. He would kill his own Son to stop the killing. So he did. It didn't work.
Then hundreds of years passed after God killed his own Son while people argued and killed each other over the religion his own Son was supposed to have started.
Then God in his own frustration found a two-bit Cult so speak for him and gave them a simple message:
"God has GOOD News(tm) for you!"
"What is the Good News(tm)?"
"He's going to wipe out almost all of the planet real soon now!"
"Why is that Good News?"
"Because you don't have to die."
"How is that?"
"Just join us."
"What if I don't?"
"You're toast."
"What do you guys call yourselves again?"
"True Christians."
"Oh."
There. Doesn't that "Make Christianity Make Sense?" Does to me!
Farkel
LMFAO
