The pain is almost unbearable (page 3)

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Pass. Pro.:

Job 1 - resign as an elder. That is going to be hard as I have no axe to grind with anyone or anything. I'm going to have to choose some reason to tell the elders I'm stepping down. Believe me, this is going to come out of the blue for them.

That's the spot I'm at, too. My circumstances are greatly different from yours, so I'm sure our choices will be greatly different. In my case, I've come to see that I don't need to be in a hurry. Armageddon ain't coming tomorrow to kill me if I'm still pretending to believe the JWs and be an elder. It is a waste of time, though. I don't do much FS anymore, and the meetings cut into time better spent watching TV and drinking beer. A few times, I've taken along some JWD, jwfacts, etc. printouts to give me something interesting to consider during the mtgs. I'm watching the pedophile cases and will likely make that an issue for my stepping down. The NBC story last fall was the final straw that sent me to silentlambs.org and here to JWD.

I'm taking my time to figure out what I want to be and do after-JW. Preparing myself materially and emotionally for the future has helped me to focus on goals and ignore the short-term trash in the meantime. It does cause pain and frustration, but I will have to expect pain and frustration accompany life outside the bOrg anyway.

A few times I've taken something to help me get a good nights sleep. Sometimes that really helps to refocus on my objectives.

I hope some of this helps. I know it helps me to type this and remind myself that..... hey, it's late here, I better go to bed so I can have a good day of work tomorrow.

B the X

OnTheWayOut

Welcome. Thanks for sharing that.

My elder resignation was a bit out of the blue to the BOE.

If it helps, here it is on this thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/145443/1.ashx

The part that says we must "know" the Governing Body and fully trust them- that
part is generically true of anyone. We must "know" them, but we cannot "know" them.

Why oh why oh why is it so hard?

You know. They make it hard so less people do it.

penny2

Passwordprotected, you're an elder. You will be an inspiration to others in your congregation when you leave. You won't hear about it but others will gain strength from your actions.

Things to do to help yourself:

Allocate quality time to spend with your wife when you can completely get away from jw related matters.
Take up some exercise such as brisk walking, jogging if you can, or going to the gym (exercise increases endorphins).
You could try meditation (not the religion type) to help keep your mind calm.

Don't worry too much about the reasons to give for stepping down. All you need to say is you are "burnt out" and need to have a complete break.

penny

Lady Lee

I'm now virtually exhausted on all counts, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

You wanted to know what your reason for stepping down should be. There is is in black and white and in your own words. You don't owe them anything else but the truth.

What you don't say is entirely up to you. Keep it simple andmake decisions based on what is right for you

Living with a foot on each side of the fence is really srtressful.

Hortensia

try not to worry about what the cong. and elders and family will think. You don't have any control over what they think, so let them think what they will. And you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Just turn your back and walk away.

BFD

I have an idea.

Tell them all to piss up a rope and let the cards fall where they may.

To thine own self be true.

Once the dusts settles you'll breath sigh of relief. It ain't easy...

BFD

passwordprotected

Thanks for everyone for the posts and PMs. They really help.

jgnat

To help put your mind at rest, I suggest writing everything down. Beside each worry, note whether it is 'In my control to fix' or 'Out of my control'. Then you can concentrate on the 'In my control' list. Who knows how your elders will react? It's coming out of the blue, but frankly, that's their problem to adjust.

Lady Lee pointed out that you have plenty of reason to "step down".

By the way, I've seen the habit of some elder bodies to simply refuse to accept a resignation. They continue to assign duties as if it never happened. There's a simple cure for that. Stop performing. Don't show up for the assignments. Just stop. They'll get the hint.

Quirky1

PWP - I was never an elder but close to it. When I began having doubts I began making changes. I resigned as MS due to the stress of all the "priveledges"; account servant, sound, literature, the talks. Too much pressure trying to juggle everything. I wrote a letter of resignation stating the things I mentioned plus problems with my family. They accepted it. You might be able to do this. Just tell them you are taking a stress leave.

I continued going to meetings for several months until I couldn't handle it anymore. Just quit going to meetings altogether. This was a very upsetting time for me. I felt lied and cheated after reading CofC. I felt lonely for awhile. I had just lost my small circle of what I thought to be freinds. I had lost my socialism because they were all I knew for seven years. I was worried they would come after me.

There is no doubt you are thinking your head is going to pop because this is a huge step for you but you will feel better in the long run.

Hang in there! It will work out for the better.

Open mind

If you're looking for an issue to lose your "privileges" over but still remain a JW, how about higher education?

"Brothers, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching over the last few months. The last CO visit talked about elders who promote higher education no longer qualifying to serve. The Watchtower study a couple weeks ago really came down hard on higher education as well. I just don't think I can look a teen-ager in the eye and tell them that getting a University degree is a bad idea. Ten years ago it was a "personal decision" that no one should criticize. Now, the Watchtower is clearly criticizing it. I'm sorry brothers. I just can't actively support that viewpoint anymore."

If you're not up for even that much conflict, I'd just say you and/or your wife are having some really tough times emotionally right now and you need to focus on your marriage.

That one's 100% on the money, right?

om

The pain is almost unbearable

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