by Confession 41 Replies latest jw experiences
It's good to hear they are willing to see you.
I had a pleasant chat with my dad today. Usually he seems to be in a hurry to get off the phone but today he was rather talkative. After a while he gave the phone to my mom. I usually talk to her more but find it tries my patience hearing how everything is so bad in the world. I always mention as many good things as I can to counter her 'signs of the end'.
Here's hoping you have a really good visit with them.
Confession I wish you the best with this meeting of your folks.
You sound extemely logical and quick to tell it like it is as your ex of J.Rutherford. That good for nothing drunken lying bastard who never went out in the service, lived in the lap of luxury and hung out with sweet tartlettes.
I do hope it is a good meetup. The 29 page letter you have, I personally think and this is merely mho, that if everything goes with out a hitch I wouldn't give them the letter. If it doesn't go well then give them the letter. It is sometimes hard to figure out parents. They can be so complex at times.
As in the instance of my family my mom loves me I know that. But if she can't see that the natural inborn law of love isn't important enough then our chances of having a meeting would be only fruitless. My mom and my now deseased father were cruel to me all my life. I find it difficult to be with my mom. I must admitt two years ago we happened to be at the hospital at the sametime visiting my aunt and they saw me and I spoke to momand sister and she(mom) asked me to join her for a bit of lunch in the cafeteria. I was at first shocked considering they don't eat with an apostate. But she bought me lunch and told me she loved me while my sister sat there like a toad on a mushroom and wouldn't have anything to eat with me and mom. I just bet she gave mom hell for doing it to. Because my sister is also equally cruel.
It is almost 10 years since leaving the organziation and I have never regretted that move at all. I must admitt in my heart I do miss them despite their cruel ways. But they are the ones losing out because I have tons of love to give. God I wish they could see how wrong the organzitiaon is. I really think my sister is jealous becasue i am free of that org. you see she left the org. for 14 years and then came back in and was baptized and when I left she was shocked. I know she isn't happy as a witness as my aunt told me she is unhappy and my aunt is not a JW
Enough of them, I just pray Confession all goes well for you and your parents. You must keep us updated on the results.
Love
Terry aka orangefatcat
Hi, Carmel, and thanks for your input. I'm in a good place. I remember a couple of years ago I was quite distressed, wondering how to handle things. Not so now. I can't picture anything "worsening." I have no relationship with them now; haven't seen them in two and a half years (almost three.) Same goes for the rest of my family. Further, as I touched on earlier, I really have no stress about this situation. I feel very secure in the knowledge that I have done the right thing in leaving the WTS. Anything else would have been artificial and pathetic. I have nothing against those of you who hang on and play the game for personal or familial reasons. It's just not in me to do that. I'm already the recipient of their shunning, so while I'm prepared for a negative outcome, it can't be too much more negative than it presently is. And I have plenty of friends and surrogate family members now too. I'm good.
Hi Mene Mene! We'll have to have another Phoenix meetup sometime soon.
OrgangeFatCat, sorry to hear of your situation. As I've written earlier, I will let them decide if I give them the letter or not. I'm going to be happy and positive, talking about all sorts of things that have nothing to do with the WTS. I'll ask them how my siblings and their families are doing. I'll even let them brush up against JW stuff a bit. But if that's all they want to talk about, if they keep asking me to "return to Jehovah," or if they issue some sort of ultimatum...then I'll go there by covering some of the information in my letter and perhaps handing them each a copy.
It's next weekend, and I'll definitely let you all know how it goes. Thanks so much for your interest and support.
I've decided I'm going to be as positive as possible, and have no need to bring up WTS stuff. But...if they want to go there, I will have ready for them two copies of the letter I have been writing for (guess how long?) two years and two months. It's presently 29 pages. Yes, I know they may not read it--or even accept it. But I will at least try to reach them with one of the opening paragraphs and two scriptures...
I like the first part of your intention. The second part....well....here is my opinion.
Your family in all probability WILL bring up your stance with the WTS. If you start telling them what you know, how you feel, hand them a letter, etc., I think you know how far that will go. I was in their shoes a few years back. I am almost sixty years old now, sadder and wiser.
I can tell you, as a mother, that if you DO NOT go there, but refuse to, and just keep telling mom and dad that you love them, you will get farther. Before you tune ME out, know that your parents will not live forever.
My father died three years ago, and my mother last month. They were not JWs, instead opposed. I know your situation is the opposite, but which ever way it is, just thank your parents for seeing you. In the coming years you will know that you did all you could- instead of aggravating the situation, to show them the unconditional love that you would like in return from them. I promise you, your mother is not made of stone, and it will cut her to the heart. Anything else, they will take as an attack on their beliefs.
Then, if they still do not want to see you again, you will know that you had nothing to do with it. I promise you in the end you must feel at peace with yourself, and will be glad that you did NOT "have to have the last word."
You know I'll be praying and hoping all things will be for the best in meeting your parents.
Outaservice
PS Just got back from Michigan myself.
Quandry, thank you for expressing your personal opinions. You might note my most recent post, in which I write...
I'm going to be happy and positive, talking about all sorts of things that have nothing to do with the WTS. I'll ask them how my siblings and their families are doing. I'll even let them brush up against JW stuff a bit. But if that's all they want to talk about, if they keep asking me to "return to Jehovah," or if they issue some sort of ultimatum...then I'll go there by covering some of the information in my letter and perhaps handing them each a copy.
I noted your comment... "...know that your parents will not live forever." As you might imagine, I am aware of that fact.
Unconditional Love is indeed a primary object of my visit with them, and--as stated--I will avoid heavy or confrontational dialogue. I have made it plain in both of the conversations I've had with my mother in the last few years that I have no need to discuss Watchtower-related things. But, if they are intent on continuing to shun me as they have been, I will do what makes sense to me. I know that they are not likely to accept my explanations, but it is just as unlikely that they will choose to have any sort of relationship with me in the future--if they say they won't.
One belief that JWs and I should be able to agree upon: That it's best to live as a righteous person. (Doing what you believe is right.) So (again only in the event I am convinced that they cannot leave the WTS stuff alone--and intend to shun me anyway) I will at least attempt to demonstrate to them that my reasons for leaving the WTS are not trivial, and that I am endeavoring to lead a rightous life. And before you tune ME out, I can tell you, as a father, that, despite my personal beliefs, I will respect my child much more for (righteously) looking me in the eye and intelligently telling me what they believe--rather than appeasing me with pleasantly avoidant words.
The outcome may be the same either way, but if I find the need arises, at least I will have taken the opportunity to tell them straight-up what i believe, rather than always wishing I had. And, far from trying to "have the last word," if I do speak to them about these things, it will be an open and loving invitation to enjoy many more words with each other in the future.
Dude! I am really happy for you, I hope that all goes well. I know that this is something you have been hoping for.
Just stay positive and upbeat. I know that you can skillfully refute any argument they make. Thing is you have to know when to fight and know when to withdraw. Enjoy your mom and pop, if they press with questions give simple reasonable responses and keep it upbeat.
I truly am happy for you and wish you all the best.
Karl
No; don't take the letter. Don't let them bait you into talking about it. You know that it matters nothing really. All that matters is that you're family, and that you're doing your best to make the most of the little time you get with each other. Take a lot of photos, and stories about what's been going on. If the witness stuff comes up, tell them that you've realised that it's best that you don't talk about that. Because it is; it achieves nothing but closed hearts and minds, and it hurts you all. Just ignore the big elephant in the room.
The day approaches...this Saturday...think they'll "eat with such a man" as me?
What do YOU think will happen?
