Where to start?
I thought about typing out a nutshelled life history but changed my mind. I'll do that later. Suffice it to say, I was born into "The Truth," attempted suicide at 14, "lost my faith" at this time, beat into submission into carrying on as usual, endured a horrible marriage and equally horrible divorce, and am more or less still in it (appearances only!) for the sake of my parents (both also born into it). I'll be 38 (ugh) in June.
My father, after this many years, has decided he wants to be an elder. My philosophy is this; both my parents were born into this religion and it is all they have ever known (or want to know for that matter). I know my mother who is the very definition of neurotic would completely collapse if she didn't have the JWs. My father, the more reasonable and moderate of the two, is a simple man who is completely satisfied with the religion and has no desire to ever do anything different. Anyway point is, who am I to deny him his goal? If I left "the truth," he himself would cease seeking becoming an Elder, but also if his only daughter left "the truth," I'm sure he would be disqualified anyway.
So, I guess that means I'll have to keep up appearances for their sake. They're not angels by any means though. My mother was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to me when I was young. My father was very harsh emotionally and psychologically to me as a child. I attempted suicide and spent a month in a psychiatric ward. My mother told the staff that I was psychotic and wanted to murder her and my father in their sleep. Of course back in the 80's, the hospital staff believed them and I was locked up for a month. Once I got out, the very next day was a meeting and believe me, they made me go, with a forced smile on my face, and act like nothing was wrong.
Oddly enough, I have always been a wild card where the JWs are concerned. My parents allowed me to seek a higher education. I have 2 Bachelor's and 1 Master's degree! They didn't have a problem with it because of my skill in deception. How I did it was...
1) I purposely laughed, scoffed, and made fun of evolution and bragged how I gave my science professors WT literature about creation.
2) Told them about the hopelessness people in "the world" showed.
3) Told them I couldn't wait to graduate to get away from "the world" but didn't want to drop out since I was "almost done."
and so on. I guess it worked. I always half expected to meet Satan in my college classrooms but oddly enough, I didn't ever see him there.
Truth of the matter now is, I'm strongly agnostic (some say I'm atheist). I'm sorry but I love reason and science too much to throw them away for willful ignorance. It boggles the mind how anyone with even a rudimentary education can discount hard scientific fact for religious "faith." These hominid skulls that are pulled out of the Earth cannot be denied! But again, that is another thread for the future.
My sincere apologies to the Still-Christians (my term) who may read this. Unlike many other agnostics/atheists, I respect your beliefs and I will not make fun of you nor will I attempt to change your beliefs. Belief change must occur with the particular individual alone.
But still I must say; Richard Dawkins and Carl Sagan are the bomb-biggety, baby! Those two have probably been the most influential to me in freeing my mind. I also secretly (of course) hold membership in my local Humanist organization where we have intellectual *gasp gasp* freethinking discussions about science, philosophy, existance/nonexistance of god, responsibility to the planet, and so on.
But....back to my original purpose for popping up and saying howdy. Since I am still keeping up appearances for my parents sake, I must find ways to keep my sanity. This board will help me I'm sure. For years I have lived without religious beliefs, but silenty and alone. I didn't ever want to risk being caught because of the possible consequences for my folks. DFing me would be fine, but it would kill my parents and make their standing in their congregation suffer greatly.
Funny huh? I'm an adult woman but the Elders would still hold them ultimately responsible for my DFing. Only the JWs.
Anyway, this is me. Hi!