Well where do I start?
I am 34, male and gay.
When I was about 15 I was exposed to the witnesses teachings. None of my family were witnesses but the teachings really stuck with me. I mean, who doesn't want to live forever on a peace filled earth? At about the same time I was coming to terms with my sexual orientation. At the age of 18 I found my self at a crossroads. Come out to my family as a Witness or be even more honest with myself and come to terms with my sexuality.
Well I became a witness. I really thought I was doing the right thing. I was trying to find the REAL truth and if that meant ignoring being gay, well, I figured it was a small price to pay.
Flash forward to 2005. I had been a baptized witness for 13 years. During which time I had experienced the "Truth", the truth about "The Truth", and had still tried to soldier on. Because I was the only witness in my family the meetings were at times a lonely endeavor. It was also the absence of family within the congregation that did a great deal to hold me back from achieving greater privileges in the congregation.
I tried to make use of the elders in the congregation but coming out to any of the responsible ones in the congregation is a dicey proposition at best. I had to pick and chose the people I spoke to about my "problem" very carefully. I seemed to choose the right brothers to speak with as all were loving and supportive. However, in retrospect, it really didn't do much to help my advancement.
Finally, after years of struggle things came to a head. Several brothers around me were quickly advancing and being appointed in the congregation while I remained an also ran. The elders in the congregation were in a political struggle with each other to the point of complacency and ignoring the flock. I had suffered injustice after injustice and my brain began to crack.
In about August of 2005, at the height of spiritual stress, I suffered 2 tragedies within my worldly family and I snapped. The stress was too much and i could not cope anymore. The meetings began to give me anxiety attacks as many around me were doing all that they could to make me feel very unwelcome. I soon left.
I met a man shortly after and fell in love. Instead of announcing this to the congregation I simply decided to fade away. Why? Well, there were some in the congregation that I truly loved. Real friends. So I thought that if I just stayed away I could atill keep in touch with the ones I loved. Afterall, So many of the elder's kids got away with dropping off their meeting attendance without so much as a brief slap on the wrist an were still able to keep all their friends. I figured this was the way to go.
It wasn't in the cards. The investigative powers of the brothers found one of my online blogs and soon began trying to reach me. Despite my absence a judicial committee was assembled, meetings were held, and I was disfellowshipped in a matter of weeks.
My family? They were happy for me. I had finally found myself. My friends? They were all gone. I had to make new ones. With this decision though came a new set of difficulties. My partner has no clue what being under the iron fisted rule of the FDS is like. He has no clue what suddenly losing all of your friends in one fowl swoop is like or even why they would agree to disown me despite still "loving" me. My partner is still upset with my hesitancy to register to vote.
I am actually very happy to have found this site and hope to make a new set of friends while at the same time continuing to heal.
-Fishbulb