High Maintenance Kids-anyone else have them?

by milligal 15 Replies latest social family

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  milligal

  I guess I'm just looking around for other parents experiencing similar situations as I am -while being df'd and having little family support!

  My oldest (9 yr old) son is Asperger's (highly functioning autistic) and OCD. I worked really hard with him through behavioral therapy and medication and he is doing so well. You wouldn't even know if you met him that he sees the world so differently from other children.

  Well during my pregnancy for my third child ( now 4 month old daughter) my husband was deployed to Iraq and I started having huge difficulties with our 2 1/2 year old son. He was behaving like an ADHD child, he couldn't sleep and was acting out thrill seeking behaviors and hurt himself all the time in the process. I found out after a year of investigation (doctor's, therapists, early childhood intervention) that he has auditory and vestibular delays.

  I never knew what this was until he was diagnosed-these two systems inside his inner ear have not developed fully. It's a totally physical issue that can be developed properly through speech and occupational therapy. He cannot fully understand where his body is in relationship to auditory input or where the ground is at, how far away something is from him. It causes him a lot of anxiety and frustration (and me!).

  But I am feeling so challenged as a parent right now. With a new baby, an Asperger's boy (who has been the subject of a custody battle between JW dad and myself) and my now 3 year old son who we're trying to coach through a physical delay. This has turned into a long post-but does anyone else here deal with high maintenance parenting on a limited support system?
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  TheSilence

  I don't have any children. I do have a step-nephew with asperger's, however he lives in another state and his parents have only recently gotten him diagnosed because they were quite in denial that their son was not developing normally. So, really, I can't offer you any advice... but I wanted to show some support and admiration for the job you do as a mother.

  Jackie
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  tnangel73

  I am a single mother to a 2 and a half year old boy. I am on a waiting list right now to have him tested for autism. He's a very normal 2 and a half year old except that he doesn't talk. He says about 10 words. When he was 11 months old he knew about 30 words, and had just started talking in sentences. He had his MMR vaccinations and then all this started. His peditricians think I am crazy, or overprotective, I think. The last time we went to his doctor she said basically that this is a phase that he will grow out of. So, I'm going to other doctors because he's never actually been tested for autism. We've done physical therapy and speech therapy.

  I get very frustrated at times because of the communication difficulties. He does baby talk and then he gets frustrated and whiny if I don't know what it is he wants. He's learned some sign language and that helps but not much. I had to stop speech therapy with him because of problems with my health insurance. My company changed insurance companies and they won't pay for speech therapy because they say it was a pre-existing condition. Hello! Are babies all born talking except for mine??

  Anyway. I know how difficult it is with just one child and how much harder it must be for you.
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  chickpea

  even though mine are older, by far!.... i do relate to your struggles

  if your spouse is active duty, do you have access to any medical/clinical/practical help programs ? is there any respite services from the local/county human services?

  i have one nearly 20 YO with multiple mental health diagnoses, including borderline ..... the emotional toll of dealing with her life is heavy.....

  i have a mid-teen FTM transgendered child, who is amazingly together, but the issues surrounding this "issue" are incredibly charged and the community in which we live is small and small-minded so there is a lot of "stuff" to deal with.... mostly ( completely) from bible thumpers

  i have a few close friends who are privy to the incredible turmoil my family/kids have been through and it has been a godsend to have a listening ear....

  i hope you have someone IRL that can just listen, if nothing else

  c/p
• 

  momzcrazy

  If you were close you could come over here and I'd help watch kids.

  I am by Fort Campbell.

  momz
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  Switch

  Hi milli. I feel for ya. You have your hands FULL. It makes it all the more challenging when your child looks normal physically but has developmental/social issues. It's sad that so many children have these things to deal with. And its hard for the parents cuz they don't know what is going on in their kid's brain most of the time. My son is nearly 6 and he's on a waiting list to be reviewed. I'm hoping they are able to diagnose him but in reality, I think he's still a bit young and probably won't fit into one syndrome. I also have an active 2 year old running amok.

  I too don't have ANY family around so hubby and I rarely get a break from them. It doesn't help that we're attending meetings less so I won't be using the young sisters that I normally would to babysit. I think us moms have to find a reliable sitter and get out of the house once a week to keep our sanity!!
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  milligal

  It is so good hearing from you all-thank you. Just to hear other stories is a relief in itself.

  tnangel-I feel for you. Before we had my son diagnosed people just kept telling me something was not 'right'. I questioned my skills as a parent (maybe I was doing something wrong) I questioned my sanity and many times I broke down and cried. The first time a child counselor brought up autism-which she didn't come out and say, she first said 'sensory issues' I was shocked and relieved all at the same time. I wanted to share with you, that if you can find a good child counselor someone with at least ten years experience (perhaps a MSW) and with patient based counseling strategy (this strategy offers unconditional support to the client instead of barraging you with everything you've ever done wrong) you might find some relief-I did. I just wanted to let you know that helped me in the past. Also Autism has a high co-morbidity rate so it is often diagnosed with other challenges like ADHD or OCD. Some other autistic traits to look for:

  child avoids eye contact, dislikes feelings on skin such as clothing tags, sand, grass anything slightly abrasive, bright sun 'hurts' eyes, covers ears when people clap or yell, gags on certain foods because of feeling in mouth (tastes like worms, my son would say about spaghetti), not athletic or even coordinated, fails at certain academic tasks even though they are highly intelligent. Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to talk further-I could go on and on!

  chickpea-I became a psychology student from the issues with my son, as well as my younger brother who was skitzophrenic. Thank you for sharing with me, I only know as a parent what challenges you face when you have children that have needs above and beyond the average. I feel strongly about the rights of individuals with gender related issues, your child is so lucky to have a supportive parent like you.

  momcrzy-thanks I'm at Ft. Bragg- too bad!!!
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  milligal

  Switch-if you ever want to discuss further feel free to contact me. I know the challenges of what you are going through. Although we have good insurance through the military the resources available for children with needs is surprisingly different based on the area you are in. I stayed with my sister in Dallas and found excellent care-back home on base, not so much. I stay in conact with the counselor in Michigan who helped my autistic son, she was a Godsend.

  Babysitters-great idea! I just found a girl down the street through our soldier support center who babysits. I'm sure you'll find help to replace those girls at the hall.
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  restrangled

  I really feel for all the parents dealing with difficult situations with their children. You are special people and need all the support you can get!

  My following post is not about your children, but those who are quick to get their kids medicated, etc.for normal behaivor especially boys, or poisening due to shots.

  I am a single mother to a 2 and a half year old boy. I am on a waiting list right now to have him tested for autism. He's a very normal 2 and a half year old except that he doesn't talk. He says about 10 words. When he was 11 months old he knew about 30 words, and had just started talking in sentences. He had his MMR vaccinations and then all this started.

  I totally get it about vaccinations! My 1 month old boy went in for his first DPT shots and oral polio.

  He was a needy, every 2 hours at a time ...nightmare baby! ! After those shots he turned into a rag doll. No eye response, no screaming, no nursing....just laid like he wasn't alive. I called the pediatrician and she informed me, it was too late to get the poisen out of his system. She signed a form that said he could never in his life have the "P" of the DPT shot again....(Pertussis) which represents whooping cough.

  One intersting thing. I Developed whooping cough as a child......So My immune system was probably already fighting this for my baby.

  I continued to nurse him round the clock and he recovered after a month. Long story short... he was gifted, interviewed by major colleges in 8th grade....and is now successful at age 23. I always knew he was hyperactive, and attributed it to those initial shots, some teachers wanted him medicated....I would do nothing of the sort.

  My second boy was a dream baby. One of those that sleep on demand....went to bed on his own with his banky and bottle. He slept all night at 1 month old....etc., etc.

  But......He didn't talk until he was 3 years old. Yes a few, mamas, dadas, but nothing other than that. One day at close to 3 he said "I ANGRY" in the back seat of the car! His older brother always did the talking for him......OH MY GOD....we all laughed for 20 miniutes. That was the beginning of his talking but it never was much. He loved puzzles, and could do a 1000 pieces by time he was 5. He was a Lego fanatic, and turned out to be gifted in math.

  This boy also wound up in the gifted program at school, and at 20 works for the Govt. including secret service stuff.

  My point being....support and love your children.... they never develop at the same time or start talking at the same time......{READ READ READ) to them, give them toys that they seem to gravitate to.....Give them the room to grow and develop. If they are nervous, keep tight schedules, volunteer at their schools......it's amazing what kids can accomplish!

  r.
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  Quirky1

  Nowadays all kids are high maintenance.

  That's the way they are geared.