Crisis Mode! Advice please!

by 5thGeneration 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • chikikie

    Honesty is the best policy.

    YOU are the head of your household NOT your dad. Just say that you have serious doubts about the GB arm yourself with a good agruement! I know you are risking DF but I dont think you can avoid it unless you start going back to the meetings like a good little boy! You have almost teenage children and you seemed to have made a family decision to fade, Say that where you had not much choice as to which religion you was raised in as a child, you have a choice as an adult.BLAH BLAH BLAH. Be strong, be firm, be a MAN!


  • nelly136
    "Who would you call to take you to the meeting if your parents don't go?".

    think you need to nip that in the bud smartish, else you might find people turning up on your doorstep to take your kids to the hall with or without your permission.

  • DJK

    Be open. Tell him you know he's disappointed and that's what you wanted to avoid. But that's the way it is.

  • FreedomFrog

    I agree with H4O's comment about turning it into, "you have questions". If you can avoid getting into the details, it may be something you can let quietly calm down for a bit.

    Some on here have successfully faded but it's a tricky thing.

    This is a tough situation and you are being forced to meet it head on.

    it will be a small price to pay for you and your children.

    I disagree that it's a "small" price to pay but it may be worth it. I don't know how close you are to your family and friends you had, and I don't know how many friends you and your family have outside the Organization, if you don't have any or very few and you need friends, it's gonna be a much bigger price.

    If you can make it into "you have questions and need time to think" , it may go away for a moment giving you a chance to figure out how you want to handle this at a later time.

  • Emma

    I've been there. I told my mother that I would not discuss the situation and to leave my children alone; that's when the shunning began in all seriousness. Sometimes you just can't fade, you just have to take a stand. I hope everything turns out the way you wish.

    YOU are the head of your household NOT your dad


  • mjarka911

    Hello 5th Gen

    I was 3rd generation when I left. I felt it was too complicated to try the fade with my situation so I just DA'd.

    Do I regret it? No! True, it has brought with it different problems (loss of family, friends) and I occasionally get down, but I have never once felt going back was better. My children get the benefit of growing up normal because I got us off this merry go round before another whole generation was lost.

    With that said, I have a lot of respect for Frog and OTWO. They have played the Witness game well and used their own rules on them. It seems like it takes a lot of guts and guile, but it must be worth it for them.
    But please make your decision with confidence and self-respect. THEY are the ones that have lied, misdirected and been duplicitous with us all in the name of trying to hold people in.

    Good luck on whatever you do and know you always have people to talk to here.


  • Purza

    I agree with the other posters who talk about honesty. I did the whole lying routine (because I thought it was easier) and it came back to bite me when my mother called me on it. There were no more excuses at that point.

    Although telling him straight up how things are for you is very, VERY difficult, in the long run you will feel better if you are honest. Then you will have nothing to hide. JMHO


  • 5thGeneration

    Thanks everyone!

    Today's the day I guess.

  • Quirky1

    I think it is time for you to take a stand. Do not cower to their methods or their beliefs if you do not find it true. You have to be true to yourself and true to your own heart. As for the children they are also better off without the WTS.

    Whatever you decide I hope it is the right decision.

  • still_in74

    sounds to me like you need to give him a reason why you havent been going. You cant just mumble and fumble while talking to saying "i dont know why" .

    I faced a situtation where the elders came to my house at the request of my wife to check up on me. If you tell them "I dont know why, I just...." then they will show you all these scriptures as to why you making a mistake and the only answer is meetings and service, and they will invite you to join them that Saturday gauranteed.

    You need to give them a reason that they are aware of already causing problems for other JW's. Then they have to be understanding cause they dont want to kick everyone out with you. I used the blood change. Told them I had a hard time "absorbing" such a critical change - people lost lives over it. Turns out none of the elders had even filled out their blood cards cause they had a hard time with it too. Long story short - I got off easy.

    Think about things that may have happened in your congregation or circuit that may have stumbled others. Use these types of things and it should take some heat off you as your situation wont be isolated. It also tends to minimize love bombing.

    I wish you the best in your dilemma!


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