by BBOARD 45 Replies latest jw friends
R-
i hung out in seedy places and met creeps there!
Yes, I agree that if one hangs out in seedy places you will meet creeps.
This is not to say that all worldly people hang out in seedy places. You did and you knew "the truth."
You did not answer a question from a previous thread that I asked you. Are you going to shun your sister if you return? If not why return if you do not plan on obeying all the rules? Isn't that what got you out in the first place? Not obeying all the rules?
Renaia...I too thought the same as you. I'm glad I didn't do it. My kids are 11, 15, 16, 17, 19, & 20 now. My oldest will graduate from UBC next year as an RN. None of them are doing drugs. None of them are sexually active (although it wouldn't kill me if they were.) None have got involved in illegal behaviour. The oldest 5 all have part-time jobs. They're not perfect, but let me tell you, so far they turned out better than I would have ever had expected from a single mom that didn't raise them as JWs. They are happy...and THANK me now for getting them out of that crazy religion. I left when the oldest was 12, so they have memories of being in.
And...I believe it is harder for a born-in to assimilate into the "world." You've lost all you've ever known - family, friends, beliefs...and you're faced with all these new choices you've never faced before. The guilt and fear factor is overwhelming. I think that in most cases those who came in later still have a base of family, friends & beliefs from their lives before.
one thing about having been brought in as opposed to born in is the fact that once one "awakens" to the tactics of the b0rg..... leaving is a journey back across burnt bridges, done at the behest of the doctrinal teachings of the WTS......... family and friends who were basically judged as unworthy of association because of the taint of the "world" they represented missed out on seeing my children grow up.... i often wonder what might have been different with extended family influence .....
i have not gone to weddings or funerals on account of "faithfulness"..... i have had lifetime genuine friends cut adrift by finding their basically harmless lifestyles too "worldy"
twice now i will have had to turn my back on a life i thought was sufficient to lead a good and godly life.... once to be a dub and once again to recant the decision..... huge huge HUGE impacts on everything constructed in those intervening years...... including a re-entry into a real society without the hope or faith in the ultimate salvation that was like an addiction to me......
easier? maybe...... but it could be a case of "same soup, different bowl"
My mother in law was a JW for decades and tried to raise her 6 kids in it...two of them got baptized one my husband, and her Downs Syndrome daughter was baptized a couple of years ago even though she didnt answer ANY questions correctly but "hey what else does she have to look forward to in this system?" so they baptized her. And then her mother disassociated. in 99. My MIL was out until 2002. I was having a total hysterectomy and she came to help me out and while here we were looking at albums on my bed of my wedding and her wedding and showers and such....all of the pictures with JWs in them. She ran crying hysterically from the room!! Shortly after returning home she "went back" and ate crow for a solid year before they would reinstate her. And she was never treated the same again...and she never THOUGHT the same way again. She told me she "thought she could convince herself it was the truth if she tried hard enough" but her leaving was because she learned from personal Bible study that it WASNT the truth and she couldnt betray her conscience or God and pretend at the hall day in and day out even though getting reinstated brought her JW children back to her and her Elder husband back to her..and the "friends" back to her. There was always a wall there. So she disassociated again in 06 and remains so. She said..."you cannot go back".
I for my part was a Methodist until age 30 and was baptized a JW in 85 thinking it was the end all and was the social answer to my lonliness as a twice divorced unhappy woman...but the people in that hall were not living up to the hype they were jamming down peoples necks at the door including the JW I met FIRST who picked me up in a bar and slept with me that night and many others after that (not that Im proud of that but I was lonely and he KNEW he shouldnt be there but that didnt stop him) I NEVER have regretted getting out after 13 years in and saving my children from that cult! Its a joke that this religion has ANY truth in it...and the moral fiber of the sheep is a joke.
I was at a concert hall the other night where my sons hand bell choir was performing and he was SO proud and I was SO proud watching him and I knew that he would NOT have been able to do that had I remained a JW. My kids are in any sports they wanted to try, and dance and band, and handbells and engineering club and Honor Society and all of them are honor roll students and gifted and loving kids...and to think I might have stifled them into 5 boring meetings a week and a constant barage of NO! And you CANT! And FORGET IT! and you ARENT GOING TO COLLEGE! And you CANT GO TO THAT CHURCH! or see that movie! or listen to that music! or SAY THAT PHRASE! or or or ....thank GOD IM OUT!!!
As for being a JW saving me from marrying badly again...my JW husband is a (now recovering after 19 years of abuse) alcoholic and ignored his kids and his wife and hung out in bars and did nothing but yell at us every single day when he got home...and boy oh boy he was just Brother Wonderful and Neighbor Helpful to everybody else out there. So is being a JW going to be the "right thing" for your kids to grow up with morals and values? Hell no! You teach them YOUR values and then let them follow their own spiritual journey.
So...it doesn't really matter. One road is bound to be more treacherous, but you can't know which until you've experienced both. Only then can you really count the cost and compare the benefits. One thing that has not received a lot of air time here is the power of God to accomplish HIS will and, like it or not, you are part of his will. Life has gone better for me since I re-adjusted my thinking so that I no longer accommodate God. He now, thankfully, tolerates me. The only thing required of me was that I simplify myself (spiritually and emotionally) - and stay that way - to realize a multitude of blessings hidden under a mountain of conditioning, courtesy of the world. The watchtower was just my personal "catalyst for change" and (needless to say) the change continues. Basically, I am learning love. Interestingly, I left the watchtower 18 years ago and would do it again today, but for completely different reasons. Back then, it was better for ME. Today, it has nothing to do with me. Back then, the only benefit to leaving was a freedom that I could neither understand nor appreciate - like giving an ape a hundred dollar bill. Today, I appreciate and experience freedom more...and avoid complicating this short life with every fiber of my being. Best to you on your journey. Carlos
Don't do it. You went through all the pain and effort of seperating yourself once. Don't extrapolate the challenge of relationships to the presumption that happiness is found in a mutually delusional state.
