You know that the WTS teaches you're supposed to love Jehovah above all else including your kids/spouses/parents. . .I never really could. . .did any of you get to that point?
Did you ever love Jehovah more than anything else?
it takes time to form a relationship with our creator. especially since you are guided to really worship the org instead of him. from my own experience i was distanced from God in the org. their beliefs override our feelings (the little you can muster) for God. once you get away from them you are able to begin a meanngful relationship with God. my experience anyway
No. In fact, I later realized that it wasn't the WTBS version of Yahweh that I loved at all. It was my mother. My mother was deeply into the Organization and it was her I wanted to please. If I felt like my mother was proud of me because I was a ministerial servant or taking care of my own book study then that was all I needed. I later married a pioneer. Ironically, neither of my parents really attend meetings anymore. They were not DF'd or disassociated. Every now and then you might see them at a Sunday meeting, but not very often.
And yet I am grinding it out every week because if my wife were to discover my true feelings, there would be problems like you would not believe.
Yes, yes... I believe I really did.
The important thing is... I had such a close relationship with (h)im, that I knew shunning others wouldn't make him happy. I actually knew that he was NOT pleased by some of the things (h)is "chosen people" were doing. While I was in, I figured they were doing the best they could, but for some reason, it never felt odd to me that I had a better relationship with (h)im than the elders did.
Ooh... now THAT's some independent thinking.
My folks tried so hard to drive this ideal into our heads as we were growing up. I never could.
Hey there kid, how ya doing these days?
To your question, Yes I honestly did at one time. But I still do believe in
a higher source just not the Wt version.
I got to a place where I was partly in touch with my inner self based upon some eroneous logic and deceptive reasoning which caused much pain as the veil of absolute truth about the deception of the whole JW organisation became known to me.
They absolutely deceive by concealing truths and demonising / creating lepers out of those who can help you see this.
If you accept what for those of a more mystical bent is self-evident, i.e., that "there exists nothing save G'd" (YHVH, Allah, Jehovah - whatever name you attach to your picture of Him/Her/It), then that means that there is nothing - including each one of us - that is not, in some sense, G'd.
We are, however, an aspect of G'd that is not aware of all existence; we are aware only of a very small corner of our world and our being. And so we cannot claim in any meaningful sense to be G'd; nor, for that matter, can we claim to be not G'd.
So if you ask: "Did you ever love Jehovah more than anything else?", one possible answer (for me) would be: "In truth, there is nothing else; if I truly love, then I love G'd in that person or object or idea that I love."
The WT doesn't teach how to LOVE Jehovah. Just how to please the organization and manipulate you into doing the things it wants you do to "in the name of Jehovah". If you refuse, then they lay a guilt-trip so fucking thick with "don't you love Jehovah?" that you have no other choice. It was all about LOVING the organization.