Did being a JW lady give you low self esteem because of dating?

by TreadClimberMaster 13 Replies latest social relationships

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  BigBloomerz

  I did have feelings like you, i always thought i would never be good enough for a man in the organization, mainly because i wasnt that spiritual myself, i never wanted to pioneer, i wanted a career, i wanted a full time job and i wanted money.

  I did date a few guys, i even got engaged to one and he dumped me the night before ur wedding saying he wasnt spiritually ready for a wife. I had my heartbroken because of people thinking they also werent worthy enough.

  I now am very happy, im engaged to a lovely man and we have a fab life together, we are getting married in November of this year.

  Life is definitly better out of the JW organization.
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  LongHairGal

  I wasn't raised in the religion. I came in as an adult (almost late 20s). I noticed that all the good men were taken. I also hated the fact that the elders or certain older women had serious issues about 'modesty' and slits in skirts, etc. Attractive younger women with nice figures were scrutinized more and subject to more criticism and persecution. So, instead of feeling 'love' you felt condemnation and suspicion from certain people who thought you were a vamp.

  My problem was that I had high self-esteem and wouldn't settle for the eccentric or odd types that were left over that nobody wanted. I also wasn't the type to visit congregations just looking for single guys (kind of like bar hopping). I just couldn't do this. I also heard stories that 'sisters' who did this were considered desperate or aggressive and everybody just speculated they were visiting for that only. There was just too much unkindness about it all.

  The whole thing was an insult to my intelligence and I felt that anybody who was over 30 and had a brain had to look outside.

  LHG
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  av8orntexas

  Wow, this is an interesting point of view. I came in right at the end of high school, and my feeling as a guy was that the women were judgemental, and sometimes downright stuck on themselves ( not all,just a few ) ,My read is if you weren't on the fast track to Bethel,MS, or Elder you were destined to be single for a long time....as I am now.

  I had a brother tell me like 8 months ago, "I know several sisters I could introduce you to, that I've met at some quickbuilds......but they wouldn't touch you." QOUTE. WTF ?

  My meeting attendance is down to nil now,but at the time,it was good, but I wasn't "reaching out" for any particualr goals. It is this attitude that I hated as a guy. I was automatically not a "good guy" to be involved with based on people's perception. Or Spriritually Weak was the popular diagnosis.

  I hope put this into correct words. I'm basically saying, I never felt a sister owed me anything or I should 'expect' her to act one way or another,but I felt the way may of you did,only from a guys perspective, and from my dealings.

  Dating as a jw is just plain frustrating to say the least.
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  mrsjones5

  I really never dated, because I truly believed that dating was reserved for marriage purposes only. I used to think I could never attain or hope to attain to the level of perfection that certain "brothers" wanted. I had low self-esteem, felt ugly and undesirable and all because I could not find a JW husband. Also, if anyone knew you were a single sister they automatically assumed you were desperate for the attention of any brother and would therefore look down upon you

  Gosh! That was me to a T, until I left and found out that I was (and still am) a hottie!

  Josie